How to cope with my overwhelming emotions

[HeatherL]

Hi, I've read many posts on here and found some invaluable advice so thankyou. My mum has recently been diagnosed with Alzheimers and my brother and l are sharing the caring role between us.
I will be honest I'm finding it all overwhelming at the moment, is this normal? I'm working full time and trying my best to support my mum the best way l can. I'm going through all the emotions possible and constantly thinking of ways to help my mum with different tasks on a daily basis. Sometimes l feel as if lm failing before we have even started this journey into the unknown.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated, thankyou

 

[Grannie G]

Welcome @HeatherL

Have you had carers assessments for yourself and your brother and an assessment of needs for your mother? This will help you get support when it all becomes too much for you.

Our dementia support services

Alzheimer's Society provides help and hope to anyone affected by dementia. Call our support line, join our online community, find support in your local area or get dementia information.

www.alzheimers.org.uk

 

[HeatherL]

Welcome @HeatherL

Have you had carers assessments for yourself and your brother and an assessment of needs for your mother? This will help you get support when it all becomes too much for you.

Welcome @HeatherL

Have you had carers assessments for yourself and your brother and an assessment of needs for your mother? This will help you get support when it all becomes too much for you.


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Hi Grannie G,
We are looking into an assessment of need for our mum but haven't thought about the one for us, will have a look into it.
Thankyou for your help, there's so much to think about and get our heads round .

 

[k.woodley]

I wish I had been on this support line when I was caring for my aunt - there is so much useful information here. The one thing I wish I had known is that EVERYTHING CHANGES once you know about dementia. You find out that you need so much support from others to understand the changes that are happening because dementia presents differently in each individual so talking about that helps. Kath

 

[DeeCee]

Hi, I've read many posts on here and found some invaluable advice so thankyou. My mum has recently been diagnosed with Alzheimers and my brother and l are sharing the caring role between us.
I will be honest I'm finding it all overwhelming at the moment, is this normal? I'm working full time and trying my best to support my mum the best way l can. I'm going through all the emotions possible and constantly thinking of ways to help my mum with different tasks on a daily basis. Sometimes l feel as if lm failing before we have even started this journey into the unknown.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated, thankyou

Hi Heather,
you are not alone in your thoughts, it’s perfectly normal. The only thing I can say is take each day as it comes. Have you spoken to your GP? A lot of surgeries have a carers support - offering advice to new carers. In my area there are dementia support coordinator within age uk… might be worth checking in with them and/of Alzheimer’s society. I work full time and care for mum with heart failure and dad with dementia. Mum in law also has dementia and it’s all getting a little too much.
Carers association also offer extra support and how to look after yourself… remember to take time out for yourself, have quality time with mum doing silly stuff as well as the humdrum caring stuff, as you’ve prob guessed the dementia journey doesnt stop and you lose a little of your loved one each day, I’ve learnt to do daft stuff, or sit with photo albums though this can be frustrating- be guided by mum, lovely try not to overthink, live in the here and now… tomorrow is unknown and each day differs. a lot of towns have dementia cafes too… they’re good for both carer and person living with dementia. Ok waffled on too much. You’re not alone - just keep talking… x

 

[HeatherL]

I wish I had been on this support line when I was caring for my aunt - there is so much useful information here. The one thing I wish I had known is that EVERYTHING CHANGES once you know about dementia. You find out that you need so much support from others to understand the changes that are happening because dementia presents differently in each individual so talking about that helps. Kath

Thankyou everyday seems to present a different challenge and l agree since joining talking point l have found lots of information to support Mum.
Thankyou

Hi Heather,
you are not alone in your thoughts, it’s perfectly normal. The only thing I can say is take each day as it comes. Have you spoken to your GP? A lot of surgeries have a carers support - offering advice to new carers. In my area there are dementia support coordinator within age uk… might be worth checking in with them and/of Alzheimer’s society. I work full time and care for mum with heart failure and dad with dementia. Mum in law also has dementia and it’s all getting a little too much.
Carers association also offer extra support and how to look after yourself… remember to take time out for yourself, have quality time with mum doing silly stuff as well as the humdrum caring stuff, as you’ve prob guessed the dementia journey doesnt stop and you lose a little of your loved one each day, I’ve learnt to do daft stuff, or sit with photo albums though this can be frustrating- be guided by mum, lovely try not to overthink, live in the here and now… tomorrow is unknown and each day differs. a lot of towns have dementia cafes too… they’re good for both carer and person living with dementia. Ok waffled on too much. You’re not alone - just keep

Hi Heather,
you are not alone in your thoughts, it’s perfectly normal. The only thing I can say is take each day as it comes. Have you spoken to your GP? A lot of surgeries have a carers support - offering advice to new carers. In my area there are dementia support coordinator within age uk… might be worth checking in with them and/of Alzheimer’s society. I work full time and care for mum with heart failure and dad with dementia. Mum in law also has dementia and it’s all getting a little too much.
Carers association also offer extra support and how to look after yourself… remember to take time out for yourself, have quality time with mum doing silly stuff as well as the humdrum caring stuff, as you’ve prob guessed the dementia journey doesnt stop and you lose a little of your loved one each day, I’ve learnt to do daft stuff, or sit with photo albums though this can be frustrating- be guided by mum, lovely try not to overthink, live in the here and now… tomorrow is unknown and each day differs. a lot of towns have dementia cafes too… they’re good for both carer and person living with dementia. Ok waffled on too much. You’re not alone - just keep talking… x

Thankyou DeeCee, I'm going to contact my G.P to ask regarding support for myself.
I think its accepting the changes on a daily basis and as you say, taking one day at a time and not looking to far into the future.
I will have a look to see if there are any cafes within our area and pop along with mum.
Thankyou

 

[DeeCee]

Thankyou everyday seems to present a different challenge and l agree since joining talking point l have found lots of information to support Mum.
Thankyou



Thankyou DeeCee, I'm going to contact my G.P to ask regarding support for myself.
I think its accepting the changes on a daily basis and as you say, taking one day at a time and not looking to far into the future.
I will have a look to see if there are any cafes within our area and pop along with mum.
Thankyou

 

[DeeCee]

There are also dementia choirs? Worth looking into… don’t have to sing, can sit and listen, mum may find some of her old faves bring a knowing smile to her face. I also believe, this might be area again, but the local carers association offer a free two hour sitting session allowing them some “me/you” time.

 

[HeatherL]

There are also dementia choirs? Worth looking into… don’t have to sing, can sit and listen, mum may find some of her old faves bring a knowing smile to her face. I also believe, this might be area again, but the local carers association offer a free two hour sitting session allowing them some “me/you” time.

Hi DeeCee,
Thankyou for that, mum is going to a local dementia club on a Wednesday when we can persuade her to go! We will keep trying! But that sounds a great idea, l will have a look to see if they have them within our area.
Thankyou

 

[jay6]

Hi Heather, plenty of help on here and to feel someone actually understands helps. We all find it overwhelming. It's hard and sad but try to take it one day at a time.

 

[try again]

My mum is now in a care home and her house is being sold.

As I've gone through her stuff, I've come to the conclusion that a lot of the stress and anxiety I brought on myself. I am a natural problem solver, so when I observed something that she had problems with I would try and find a solution to make her life easier. It never did. I've cleared out so many alarms, mobile phones, walking aids and memory aids, non of which really did much good.

I think as carers we can tend to worry and stress about such things. I'd probably do the same again though as to not try seems more like giving up on her.

It's a cruel path. Take care of yourselves.