How many times do you answer politely before exploding???

[di65]

I usually manage about 10 - 15 times of answering the same question before having a slight meltdown. Today is a particularly bad day, but we have come away for the weekend to our holiday home, and that always is a trigger. Sorry - having a vent, but it always makes me feel better if I either post or read others posts on here. It's like having someone scratching that awkward itch on your back! Sometimes I think it would be better if I had a slight touch of Alzheimers and I wouldn't remember that he hadn't asked the same question before. Imagine that - two 60 somethings whittering away all day about the same thing - oh dear, time to pour an afternoon drink I think!

 

[jeany123]

Whew I know the feeling I usually just try and say a one word reply it isn't easy after you have answered the same questions a hundred times you can't honestly believe that they could ask it again but they do,

Jeany x

 

[di65]

Whew I know the feeling I usually just try and say a one word reply it isn't easy after you have answered the same questions a hundred times you can't honestly believe that they could ask it again but they do,

Jeany x

Trouble is - once I get to the one word answer stage he gets all defensive. "You're always snapping at me! I only asked - no need to get snarky - etc etc. I often change the subject at this stage and have a sudden need to 'go to the toilet' I don't think I will ever have a full bladder again (LOL)

 

[1954]

Yes I know the feeling well. I used to have a sudden need to go to the toilet too but now I just get up and walk out.

 

[Jilly1]

I usually manage about 10 - 15 times of answering the same question before having a slight meltdown. Today is a particularly bad day, but we have come away for the weekend to our holiday home, and that always is a trigger. Sorry - having a vent, but it always makes me feel better if I either post or read others posts on here. It's like having someone scratching that awkward itch on your back! Sometimes I think it would be better if I had a slight touch of Alzheimers and I wouldn't remember that he hadn't asked the same question before. Imagine that - two 60 somethings whittering away all day about the same thing - oh dear, time to pour an afternoon drink I think!

I so know what you mean! I try to remain calm and bite my tongue, but sometimes I just walk away when I get frustrated. Mind you we do have a laugh sometimes when I ask him to remind me of something!!

 

[rajahh]

Some questions need more than aone word answer. Last night my husband asked, what is the routine fir the morning many times.

The routine is the same on a Friday and has been fir 4 years.

Alarm goes 7 I make tea, at 7.30 I say time to make a start.

Then I help him to dress, transport comes between 9.15 and 9.45.

I lose count of the times he asks.he needs to know the time, of each event. No good just saying one time.

If I said bus comes after breakfast he would still need to know what time h should get up.

Sometimes I feel like putting it on a card and handing it to him.

Sometimes I wonder if it is worth it, but I also know once the transport has taken him to the day centre my day off can begin.

Jeannette

 

[LYN T]

Hi

My OH went through a stage of saying 'what's happening. What's going on' All through the night. No exaggeration .From the time we went to bed til the time we got up.No sleep at all. Not a wink!

I tried everything-answering/ignoring/pillow over head (mine that is)

He eventually just stopped

Terrible stage

Take care Lyn T

 

[Pross]

So maybe I'm lucky that my husband rarely speaks.

 

[MReader]

I have a white board on the wall on which I write today's date (Friday 26th July) and then in a simple phrase of what will happen today (Going to .....) - then after lunch I alter it to what will happen tomorrow saying : Tomorrow (Saturday) Going to .......

I also put a small white board on my husband's bedside table when he goes to bed ready for the morning when he wakes up, saying (something like) Day care bus at 9am OR nothing on today, so when he wakes up he can see what is happening & when he has to get up

He still asks me what we are going to do today etc a million times but I refer him back to the white boards so I don't get annoyed and hope that seeing it in writing will help also

 

[Butter]

I think you are all amazing. Just amazing. I don't think I could do it. Just couldn't.

 

[di65]

Thankyou all

Yes - it is frustrating isn't it. I have a white board too, but when referred to it he says 'yes I know, but I thought it might have changed', so it doesn't really help that much.
I am really heartened by your replies as it helps to know I am not the only one who faces this all on an ongoing basis.
I can at least still leave him on his own at home for a couple of hours for "me" time, so will keep making the most of that to do the shopping etc - while this stage lasts. I am not looking forward to the next stage, but know I will have your support

 

[rajahh]

I have a day to day calendar by his chair which I make sure is at the right date. He still asks what day is it, what month is it I say look at the calendar. Oh yes he says.

Five minutes later he says what day is it ??? He constantly has the radio times on the wrong page and complains when the programme he wants is not available.

It is hard to keep on repeating, but there is no other option really

Jeannette

 

[Hair Twiddler]

My mum wears a hearing aid (totally deaf in the 'other' ear), it has two settings, 'normal' for conversation and 'loop' for tuning into her hearing-loop system when watching TV or listening to the radio.

Inevitably mum willl ask me a question mid TV programme which I answer. Usually the 'loop' system is on so I receive an irritate look and a "WHAT?" at which point I do a lot of gesturing, pointing at my ear & her ear before the aid is fiddled with and adjusted back to normal by which point the thread of the TV programme is lost and the question superfluous. Now that is frustrating. As Jeannette says, keep on repeating there is no other option.

 

[jaymor]

I have a day to day calendar by his chair which I make sure is at the right date. He still asks what day is it, what month is it I say look at the calendar. Oh yes he says.

Five minutes later he says what day is it ??? He constantly has the radio times on the wrong page and complains when the programme he wants is not available.

It is hard to keep on repeating, but there is no other option really

Jeannette

Word for word your post described how we lived with this problem.

My husband ran his own business and carried a clip board to keep paperwork safe as he travelled. I used this clip board to put a daily page on with day date etc. This was at the side of his chair. He still asked what day is it and I would say look at your clipboard and tell me.

He too turned the pages of the tv guide and then would complain what rubbish the guide was, in fact he would rant a bit and then tear it up. Not a problem because by now even if we got time, date and programme right he did not want to watch it.

Never did solve the repetitive questioning, I would at times say I could not remember and could I have a couple of minutes to think about it. It gave me a breathing space and I hope it made him feel a little better because I could not remember. It never stopped him asking again.

Jay

 

[marthasmum]

Agendas

I had a laugh reading about people and their agendas I thought my OH was original ( I do not come here very often but Am increasingly in need of talking to someone who knows what I am going through ) J wakes me up asking What is on the agenda today ? if I tell him we are going out he then starts to worry about what he should wear,although I always get his clothes out for him If it is much later I cannot tell him As he constantly worries about this and being late etc It is so upsetting seeing him so worried The constant answering the same ? I am in awe of any one being able to do it 13 or 14 times without walking away I MUST HVE MORE PATIENCE
Thank you for any one who is reading this I will pretend that you are here with me or on the end of the phone

 

[1954]

Word for word your post described how we lived with this problem.

My husband ran his own business and carried a clip board to keep paperwork safe as he travelled. I used this clip board to put a daily page on with day date etc. This was at the side of his chair. He still asked what day is it and I would say look at your clipboard and tell me.

He too turned the pages of the tv guide and then would complain what rubbish the guide was, in fact he would rant a bit and then tear it up. Not a problem because by now even if we got time, date and programme right he did not want to watch it.

Never did solve the repetitive questioning, I would at times say I could not remember and could I have a couple of minutes to think about it. It gave me a breathing space and I hope it made him feel a little better because I could not remember. It never stopped him asking again.

Jay

Oh my gosh this sounds like my MIL!

 

[Redpoppy]

Can't believe how so many have exact behaviour.I have a white board with day/date/plans on,and also a pad on his coffee table with same notes but he still repeats same questions---what we got on today love? What day is it? Have we done the lottery? He forgets about the board and pad I've written on.Drives me mad somedays!!

 

[artyfarty]

Yep, same with my mum - I get the same questions every morning 'what day is it?' 'What am I doing today?'

I wrote the answer on her hand one day - tues/support group (I write reminders on my hand all the time) - thought I'd been very clever but she was very indignant. Won't be doing that again!

 

[1954]

We don't tell MIL anything that we may be doing. We wait until we are about to go and hubby says to his mother 'we are all going out, please go to the loo and then we can go'. it takes her about 10 minutes to do that and works a treat! No questions etc. Works wonders with the Day Centre too...........just up and go!

 

[Gabrielle-amie]

So good to know!

Trouble is - once I get to the one word answer stage he gets all defensive. "You're always snapping at me! I only asked - no need to get snarky - etc etc. I often change the subject at this stage and have a sudden need to 'go to the toilet' I don't think I will ever have a full bladder again (LOL)

Dear di65 It is so good to read that others get to the snapping stage! I shouted twice last week and felt awful afterwards. I have found keeping a calendar both in the kitchen for both of us and one just over his bedside helps. 'What is it today?' or What time is he coming?' After the second time I usually say 'Look on the calendar dear!'. also I write a day's activities, if different from usual in a diary on the table beside him in the lounge where he watches tv for most mornings and afternoons. I have found it helps NOT to tell him days before if we are expecting visits or events but leave it either till the evening before or the morning itself. He gets very agitated if going somewhere special. Last week a friend from church was taking him and another couple of handicapped friends on a little trip to a steam engine - picking him up at 10.30am. That morning was an absolute nightmare for me until he had actually gone. I just went flop for the rest of the day. At least this site helps us to let off steam!