How do you tell some they have dementia?

[Paul in Chelmsford]

Hi. My dad has dementia. He thinks he is fine, even though his behaviour is erratic and he hears voices constantly. We've never openly discussed his condition, just accepted it and 'gone along' with him. We didn't sort Power of Attorney before for my dad before his dementia kicked in, as it happened very quickly. I am going down the Deputyship route and have to explain that I'm making the application and shoe him thd paperwork. I just don't know where to start. I don't think he realised anything is wrong yet I have to show him a form that states he has reduced mental capacity. I don't know how he'll cope and I'm worried he'll be aggressive or just so upset.

 

[Kevinl]

Hello and welcome first of all from me.
Answer to your question if carefully, very, very carefully. Others will answer so see what they say but it can lead to denial and alienation if you get it wrong so as I say tread carefully is my advise.k

 

[SAP]

As @Kevinl says be gentle and be prepared to have the conversation many times. Has there been a formal diagnosis? If so there should be a letter or something from a doctor that you can show him.
Also has your dad been assessed for mental capacity? A diagnosis of dementia does not mean a person lacks capacity and he may still be able to appoint an attorney (“just in case anything happens dad”). Obviously if you have confirmation that he lacks capacity then it will have to be deputyship and so I am wondering why you need to show him the paperwork? If he does not have capacity then he won’t know what this is about.
*edited because my point didn’t make sense and sounded incorrect.

 

[Paul in Chelmsford]

As @Kevinl says be gentle and be prepared to have the conversation many times. Has there been a formal diagnosis? If so there should be a letter or something from a doctor that you can show him.
Also has your dad been assessed for mental capacity? A diagnosis of dementia does not mean a person lacks capacity and he may still be able to appoint an attorney (“just in case anything happens dad”). Obviously if you have confirmation that he lacks capacity then it will have to be deputyship and so I am wondering why you need to show him the paperwork? If he does not have capacity then he won’t know what this is about , nor will he have any input. That is the whole point , he can no longer make decisions himself.

Yes, a psychiatrist has assessed and confirmed he has dementia and confirmed he is unable to manage his financial affairs. I agree it's crazy that I have to show him paperwork but my lawyer advises it a required of the application process. I'm dreading it.

 

[SAP]

I think it’s about how you show him and how much you tell him. Yes the process is to explain what you are doing and why and if he can he needs to fill in his part ( daft really) but sweetening the news or carefully wording it will save his feelings (Unless of course he will be able to read everything and fully understand what it means)

 

[canary]

I am going down the Deputyship route and have to explain that I'm making the application and shoe him thd paperwork. I just don't know where to start. I don't think he realised anything is wrong yet I have to show him a form that states he has reduced mental capacity. I don't know how he'll cope and I'm worried he'll be aggressive or just so upset.

I applied for deputyship for mum and, yes, this was the bit I was dreading too, especially as mum had staunchly refused to do POA.
It does say, though, that you should explain in words they can understand, which gives you a lot of wriggle room. I would go for saying as little as you can. I told mum it was just a legal form so that I could pay her bills for her and she wouldnt have to worry about them as her memory was not so good these days. I showed her the form, but she wasnt interested and didnt read it