how do you make someone go out with vascala dem

[vannesser]

my husband was diagnosd aerly this year .but for past few weeks if we out shopping and a say shell we go for something to eat while out. he said no and all he wont to do is go home and watch tv .even if I sagest going to see relatives he will don anything no to go out .but if I go out he complanes that I never take him out I have told hem that I have offerd to take him out but he wont go what should I do I think if I just stopt going out my self he will like that but I only go out a few hours and I have never left him on his have you eny advice pleas

 

[Kjn]

Sometimes they are aware of their problem, dad was similar until they joined together various dementia cafes and groups, he felt the same as others there .
If my dad had been at day care all day, he would forget he had been and ask if they were going out.
He still thinks he is going to work, to meetings ...8yrs down the line.

 

[Casbow]

Hi Vanesser. My husband also has Vascular Dementia. He was diagnosed 9 years ago. Up until 2 years ago we got by with most things, although I was taking over things like choosing his food if we ate out and being the one that ordered it and paid the bill. He then started to refuse to use a public loo. That made any trip out even more difficult.Eventually this year,trips out became less and now I don't go anywhere much as i can't take him with me and can 't leave him on his own. We have a Crossroads sitter for 2 hours a week but he doesn't like me leaving him and plays up all the time I am out.So I don't enjoy going anywhere.It has become a situation where he will not accept visitors no matter who. So if and when someone visits they don't stay long as he is so horrible to them. I wish I could give you good news but all I can say is get some carers in once or twice a week and go out on your own if you can. There is not much you can do if he wants to stay home all the time. I do wish you all the best and hope something can be sorted. Could he go to day care. I left it to late and now no care facility will take him. Thinking of you.xxx

 

[vannesser]

thank you

Hi Vanesser. My husband also has Vascular Dementia. He was diagnosed 9 years ago. Up until 2 years ago we got by with most things, although I was taking over things like choosing his food if we ate out and being the one that ordered it and paid the bill. He then started to refuse to use a public loo. That made any trip out even more difficult.Eventually this year,trips out became less and now I don't go anywhere much as i can't take him with me and can 't leave him on his own. We have a Crossroads sitter for 2 hours a week but he doesn't like me leaving him and plays up all the time I am out.So I don't enjoy going anywhere.It has become a situation where he will not accept visitors no matter who. So if and when someone visits they don't stay long as he is so horrible to them. I wish I could give you good news but all I can say is get some carers in once or twice a week and go out on your own if you can. There is not much you can do if he wants to stay home all the time. I do wish you all the best and hope something can be sorted. Could he go to day care. I left it to late and now no care facility will take him. Thinking of you.xxx

thank you for reply I have talked abought carers for a few hous a week in the futcher he said he not having people look after him or go into care home he refuses to talk abought it he is 73 I am 57 so just have to try and deal with it .thank you

 

[Kjn]

Could you persuade him to have a cleaner to help you? Some ask a carer in and they do a little hoovering so the person with dementia thinks they are there as cleaner.

 

[Casbow]

My husband was very emphatic that he wasn't going to day care, or having anyone in the house. Over time this has not really changed. A some point we have to be strong and just say well sorry but this is how it is. I need to go out and you will have someone to come in to look after you, will not be out long. And just go. This is me telling you everything that I cannot do.I hope you are strong Vanesser. The only way is to leave him with carers. I really hope you can. I am struggling with 2 hours a week. He hates it, so I am miserable. Love to you.xxxx

 

[esmeralda]

I'm so sorry you are in this very difficult situation vannesser, and you Casbow.

My husband has been very reluctant to go out over the last few years, and even if he came in the car he didn't want to get out, although this was complicated by his mobility problems. Now he doesn't even want to go out to the garden. I think he just feels safe in his own little world. He doesn't like to have carers come in and refuses help with personal care but will accept someone popping in to make him a drink or something to eat. Because he isn't able to move around he isn't in danger of falling, or doing something dangerous, and he has enough cognitive ability to know I am out and will be back before too long. I think Kjn's suggestion of having someone come in to do some 'cleaning' while keeping an eye on him is a very good one. Hopefully if you can get someone skilled in working with people with dementia they will be able to build up a relationship with him.

I worry that you will not be able to carry on if you don't get some kind of break. It's hard to have to be doing things on your own, but it would make you feel better.

Sending you a big hug.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Aisling]

my husband was diagnosd aerly this year .but for past few weeks if we out shopping and a say shell we go for something to eat while out. he said no and all he wont to do is go home and watch tv .even if I sagest going to see relatives he will don anything no to go out .but if I go out he complanes that I never take him out I have told hem that I have offerd to take him out but he wont go what should I do I think if I just stopt going out my self he will like that but I only go out a few hours and I have never left him on his have you eny advice pleas

You can only do your best and you are doing this. Explaining things may not work but only confuse him further. Take your few hours out, he is safe. Don't feel guilty please.

Aisling

 

[Steve115]

Hi Vannesser,

My wife was diagnosed at about the same time as your husband. In that time we have only been out once together. She clearly feels safe at home just watching TV and safer if I am with her.

I do manage to get out to a local shop but that will only be for 10 to 20 mins. Once or twice I have been longer and accused of leaving her for hours on her own. Most days I end up watching TV with her until she is back in bed. The other evening I sat in the kitchen reading a newspaper and she asked me to join her watching TV as she was 'lonely'. I had only been in the kitchen for about 5 mins and was no more than a dozen feet away.

I have been told that this is not unusual but as others have said it is important that you make time for yourself somehow but I know it really is not easy. My OH also will not have a sitter. It is me or no one at the moment.

I hope you get something sorted out.

Steve

 

[pamann]

Hello Vannesser, if you don't get a break you will end up like me carer's breakdown!!! There is only so much you can cope with without having regular breaks, my husband refused to have anyone in or go to day care, that puts so much pressure on us, try to get some respite he will not like it, but you need to do this for your own wellbeing.