how do you cope with telling lies

[oldboy]

my wife has been in a care home for just over a year now every time i visit she asks if i have come to take her home and says i want to come and live with you again and other remarks about coming home and i say she can come home when she gets better which we all know will never happen, i think it upsets me more than her, she went into care because i could not no longer manage how do you all cope with telling these lies

 

[MartinWL]

It is a common problem but what you are telling her isn't a lie. If she did get better, you would take her home, wouldn't you? You won't want to sound as if she can expect to be discharged tomorrow but basically what you are saying is true if unrealistically optimistic. Whatever makes her happy is a good policy.

 

[canary]

When you are dealing with dementia what you have to aim for is reducing distress as far as possible and the main tool for this is what is known on here as "love lies". It comes hard to us as we have been brought up to tell the truth, especially to people we love. Unfortunately, once dementia enters the equation, it skews their perception of reality, so they are often unable to understand, or accept, the truth. When this happens you cannot bring them back into reality - you have to enter their reality and tell them something that they can understand and accept, even if it is being "economical with the truth".

In medical realms this technique is called "therapeutic untruths". Would it help you to consider it in this fashion - as therapy?