how can we get dad to remember to press emergency button

[helenmary]

Dad is in early stages , no 'responsible' short term memory. Mum is coping but Dad has an emergency button around his neck in case mum collapses or he gets lost but we are concerned he wont press it in an emergency. He can not apply logic to any situation although he is clearly thinking hard and knows something has to be done but not what it is unless prompted. Its like dealing with a toddler. Do other users have any 'hints' at successful learning methods.

Mum has covered up critical electric switches as he keeps on turning them off no matter what it is for. I assume he just sees switch and does not make a logical decision but sees it as bad (negative), switches it off and expects to be thanked (positive).

Would we be on the right lines to try and get him to see his red emergency button as a positive reaction to a negative situation like mum being unable to talk or be seen?

We assume it has to become a instinctive reaction as telling him everyday seems pointless.

we will all jump for joy when he does a false alarm!

 

[pippop1]

Hmmm. If he's anything like my MIL he is sadly incapable of learning anything new at all. Sad but true. Even notes don't seem to work although she can read.

 

[lin1]

Helenmary
Welcome to TP
Others will be along soon with their viw=ews and ideas
And probabley will have by the time I have finished typing

Though many sufferers can and do learn new things, from what you have said, to me it sounds as though it will be very difficult for your Dad and may not be possible.

I am not saying not to try to gently show him,but if Dad becomes distressed ,then stop straight away.

keep it simple ie, 'if mums falls, press this' do this for a few minutes at a time but dont distress him

do you have any carers going in on a regular basis

The trouble with Dementia, is that even if the progress is slow, it does progress
I am sorry if I seem so negative, I dont mean to be ,its just that I know the situation you and your parents are in is difficult

I know when mum was still in the very early stages she could not cope when dad was taken ill, as he was a couple of times, mum did know how to use the phone but never thought to call the GP or 999

 

[melOT]

alternative ideas

This is a common situation with one partner needing help because of their health needs and the other needing help due to their dementia.

I would try to find ways of getting your Mum and Dad help without your Dad needing to use an alarm as he may forget even with a lot of coaching.


I would recommend that your mother carry the panic button so she can press if she starts to feel unwell .

If you are worried that she may collapse and not have time to press the button i would recommend you change it for one with a built in falls detector with a community alarm as well . A falls detector will send an alarm automatically if she collapses. Your local authority may have its own community alarm service or be able to recommend one. Otherwise here are some private providers of falls detectors and community alarms:

Tunstall, welbeing, careline uk


In terms of your Dad getting lost,there are private providers of GPS tracking devices. This would need to be a family decision made with your Dad and maybe his GP or social worker or community nurse. If you all feel that he may get lost but you still want him to have his freedom a GPS tracker may be the thing. They can be set up with a safe zone so that if he wanders out of his usual area you will get a notification straight away . You can attach them to his keys or keep one in his pocket as it is no good unless he takes it out with him. Here are two providers of GPS trackers:

buddi , mindme

I hope this information is useful for you and helps to keep your Mum and Dad at home and together.

Melissa

 

[sistermillicent]

I also found that mum did not seem able to take in anything new at all, and it seemed like growing up in reverse, gradually losing the things she could do. She would not have been able at any stage to learn about using an emergency button and we would probably have found it hidden away in the wardrobe at some stage. Far the best idea is to have your mum wear the emergency button and the one detecting falls sounds like an excellent idea, I may mention that to my dad because mum would never be able to call for any help. Though I must say that in a real emergency I always think something might just kick in and she may be able to pick up the phone. Ever hopeful, so don't give up showing him every day if you want him to keep the red button - you just can't ever be certain.

 

[Noorza]

I got the Telecare system in for Mum so that if she couldn't press the red button and fell it goes off automatically. I'd also get a keybox outside if you haven't got one already, so the emergency services can get in without breaking the door down. It has a code and is secure that the emergency services will record. I got mum's by contacting the local council and asking for adult social services for vulnerable people. I can't remember the correct term but that got me through.

 

[Linbrusco]

My Mum has a pendant alarm round her neck. There is also a lock box on her washing line with extra door keys if the ambulance service cannot gain access to the house. The main unit also has a panic button.

Mum is meant to wear it all the time, and it is waterproof so can be worn in the shower or bath. I have a white board on her fridge that says " Have you got your St John necklace on"
In reality, she wears it when she goes out grocery shopping with me, or when at her Alzheimers activity group, and takes it off when she gets home, or goes to bed.

She says " But Dad is home"
"What if you are out at the washing line Mum, and have a fall, and Dad is watching the TV and can't hear you"
"Oh. Is that when I would press the button for help?

Every day I will check she is wearing it. Every other day I give her a what/if scenario, to see if she will remember what to do.
If push came to shove though, I have no idea if she will remember.

 

[helenmary]

thank you - replies like this makes the journey less loney

This was my first post, a very specific issue but symbolic of the difficulty we are having as a family to understand this journey and the future challenges. Mum echo's many of the other posts. Finding it hard to share her experiences with any one else and coping alone. As a family we are too distant to offer daily help and had run out of ideas. It is the first time I have used any sort of forum being a bit sceptical of the advice but the suggestions here give us a whole range of 'conversations' that we can have with mum which aren't threatening her ability to cope.

The problem with the emergency button is we treat it as a 'special occasion' action and not a 'repetitive' action. Perhaps we should just put an electrical switch around his neck and we do know he will turn that off!!
Thanks all

 

[Noorza]

This was my first post, a very specific issue but symbolic of the difficulty we are having as a family to understand this journey and the future challenges. Mum echo's many of the other posts. Finding it hard to share her experiences with any one else and coping alone. As a family we are too distant to offer daily help and had run out of ideas. It is the first time I have used any sort of forum being a bit sceptical of the advice but the suggestions here give us a whole range of 'conversations' that we can have with mum which aren't threatening her ability to cope.

The problem with the emergency button is we treat it as a 'special occasion' action and not a 'repetitive' action. Perhaps we should just put an electrical switch around his neck and we do know he will turn that off!!
Thanks all

I think your parents would benefit from a carers assessment, so they see where your parents are now and what would help them. If they are not the right people they will cross refer to the right agencies in your area.

At one point we had the pendant that mum would have to press but we had to upgrade that to one where the alarms would go off if she fell and didn't press the button, we have key boxes so the emergency services alone will have the code so if anyone falls they can let themselves in, we have had a wet room fitted, raised toilet seats and raised chairs to prevent falls, a hospital bed as she fell out of the electric one we bought her repeatedly, we gave grab rails. They will assess needs, you don't have to be the expert but if you call in the OTs and vulnerable adult protection dept via social services they can assess what your parents need.



I would like to welcome you to TP and feel sure that whatever it is you are going through someone here will have faced similar. That was certainly my experience.

 

[MothersCarer]

Earlier this evening I was going to post about the fact that mum takes her pendant off. It is one with a button and a fall alarm that will go off if she falls and is unable to press it.

She had rung me to say that "they" might ring me as she had knocked the button when she took it off. Having asked if she told them she was all right I explained that they would only ring me if she could not tell them that because of a fall. Oh I won't do that says she. I tried to explain that she should wear it whenever she is out of bed (she has a bed alarm) to "keep her safe" and she said she knows that and went on to tell me why she took it off - all reasonable to her.

I have decided just to thank her if she rings to tell me things like this in the future. I wear myself out trying to explain but be kind and I now think it is kinder not to explain. I have to accept she may fall when she isn't wearing it but I think it make us both so much unhappier if I try to explain. A month or two ago she would have understood and it is the changes - and my inability to gauge them properly that I find so upsetting. I want to keep her safe but I want her to enjoy what must be her last years (she is 95 next month)

This seems such a small thing when I realise so many people are much further down this cruel road but I feel so deeply sad ever time we reach these points.

 

[janedyer]

I just wanted to say how eloquently you described your situation. I can totally understand. I am struggling with explaining things to my Dad and, you are right...the swift change from logic to illogical comments in a sentence draws you into a conversation with a dead end. I think you are handling it the only way you can: one conversation at a time. It is so tough. Dementia is a v v challenging condition for carers!


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point

 

[Pear trees]

My mum pushes her panic button if her lunch club bus is late, she thinks she has no food etc (for her an emergency), but would probably forget to use it in a real emergency. She has associated it with getting immediate attention when she thinks we have forgotten about her. Carers visit daily but we have to work so can't be there all the time. We have told her repeatedly it is only for use when she falls etc.

 

[beverrino]

my mum just wont wear her pendant. Tried so many ways and others have tried and if I can get her to put it on, next time I see her it is off, she looks at it and doesn't even understand what it is - after I have told her she has forgotten.
It has been (ongoing) difficult just changing to her 2016 diary from her 2015 one. She has kept a diary for a long time and its her way of reading who has been, what she has for lunch etc.. she checks it continually.

I have stuck notes onto the front of each diary stating what they are and which one to write in and that works initially but then the notes disappear and we are back to square one. She scribbles in the old one right at the back, and I cant hide the old one away as she likes to go back through it.

The back page is almost full, so I am hoping things improve when she has no room to write in it anymore.

such small (but important) things are such a struggle.

 

[MommmieD]

He won't be able to use it. Face that reality...even though it is hard. My BIL's dad was so ill for 3 days (and unable to contact anyone) that how wife with early stages of dementia was left on her own for the whole time. Give the device to your mom.