Home can't accommodate anymore.

[Rosediamonds]

My dad has been in a residential home with Alzheimer's. Lately the home have said they can no longer care for him so I was advised to look for an EMI care setting. Spent hours ringing around to see who has beds, found one nearby and visited and all seemed well. In the meantime they needed the nursing report before admitting him.

This having come through I am shocked, it mentions sexually inappropriate behaviour that has never been mentioned by his current home before. Now the EMI home, having received this, say that they haven't got any availability! I think they don't want him/he is too much of a difficult case to take on. I also wonder if his current home have exaggerated his current issues! They have said before he can be aggressive but I didn't know about sexually inappropriate behaviour!

He has been physically aggressive to staff but despite assaulting staff he hasn't been sectioned. In the meantime, and as he is self-funded, it is just up to me to ring around EMI nursing homes to see if they have rooms and secondly, if they will accept him and can deal with his behaviours.

On ringing more EMI homes, I can't find one yet that will take him. I feel so alone. Are you more left to it if the relative is self funding? I have spoken to the social worker but the home recommended will not have him either, having seen the report. It's all very upsetting, this is not my dad how I know him. Such an awful disease.

I am also worried about when the time comes, transferring him from his residential home to a nursing home, it just seems left up to me to take him? I'm not sure he would cope in a car and may prove too distracting and dangerous! I hope somewhere can take him soon and he obviously can't leave his residential home until somewhere else has been found, but it is so stressful finding somewhere that are happy to take him and can meet his needs and keep everyone safe.

 

[nitram]

Is he self funding or LA assisted?

 

[Rosediamonds]

He's self-funded.

 

[SeaSwallow]

Hello @Rosediamonds and welcome to the Dementia Support Forum. This really must have come as such a shock to you. Most EMI homes should be able to deal with this as they will have come across all sorts of behaviour. So it will just be a case of trying as many as you can. I would also discuss the issue with your dad's GP as some dementia medications can lead to hypersexuality so a change of meds might help. In the meantime you might find it useful to contact the AS help desk, I have found them so helpful in the past.

Contact us

Find out how to get in touch with Alzheimer's Society by phone, email, post or online.

www.alzheimers.org.uk

 

[nitram]

Is he self funding or LA assisted?

That more or less rules out help from the LA.
If he has not had a recent care assessment you could ask ( and wait?) for one and then ask for suggested placements.
Otherwise all you can do is keep trying.

 

[genevieve 76]

Sorry can't help with the home problem but if you do find somewhere, patient transport might transfer him, I've found them helpful, look them up in your area.

 

[Mumlikesflowers]

Deep breaths required here. I'd ask to speak to the manager at the existing place and don't go alone. You need witnesses. It can't be good practice that they never told you about your husband's behaviour. I'm putting it mildly there. And they ought to know the impact of the statement they have provided in terms of all these rejections.

The other day at Mum's home a woman was found in her room naked with a male resident in there with her. The consequence is that all of a sudden he has a one to one agency worker. Many of the most mobile dementia residents walk the nice wide long corridors and pair up in terms of holding hands. Sometimes you see men holding hands with other men. They are all just trying to cope and bonding in this way is one way to fill their time. And if they are bored out of their skulls and there's insufficient monitoring due to the ratio of staff to residents, then it's not surprising that the woman and the man were discovered like this. I'm just saying that what might be deemed as sexually inappropriate could be strongly linked to a lack of appropriate stimulation and supervision and that can say more about the home than the residents.

If they don't want him anymore, it's in their interests to find a wording that doesn't put everyone off. Obviously I don't mean withholding information. And can they drill down into their records so you can have details of the exact incidents you never knew about? You need to understand the behaviour yourself first.

If it wasn't for this issue, then I assume you'd cope with the process of researching and selecting a place yourself. I'd be scared too though of moving my Mum. I guess it might be practising the journey gradually.

 

[SAP]

Contact the local mental health services for older people and ask for information on appropriate homes. Also contact the mental health crisis team and again ask what if any support they can give. This really annoys me, just because he is self funding the family are left to it. Social services are obliged to at least assess him and the for a once a year payment offer support with finding a new placement.
Another option would be to hire a private social worker to make approaches on his behalf . What would the home do if there was no family to do the chasing around? They would ask for him to be sectioned and really this should be happening now.

 

[Rosediamonds]

Thank you all for your replies, and tips all of which I will consider. I am sorry for anyone else having to deal with awful situations this disease brings.

I have been in touch with more EMI homes but yet to have a positive response but there is still time yet. Yes I do wonder how different it would be if he was not self-funded and if he/we would receive more "help" in that case but at the same time I guess we have more choice in finding a home that we are satisfied with, that's what I like to think anyhow although there doesn't seem to be much choice in the situation so far.

So many of the homes say the reason for not being able to accommodate him is the staff to resident ratio, as so many of the residents in these EMI homes need 1:1 care.