Help - I'm new to this - what happens next??

[Arbie]

HI - I'm a new member of the forum. My mum has vascular dementia and after a spell in hospital (after accidentally overdosing herself on paracetemol) her dementia deteriorated hugely. Me and my dad tried to cope with her at home for a few weeks but her behaviour was so difficult - trying to run away, doubly incontinent, restless etc etc that she has now gone into respite care for 10 days. They've really struggled with her in there and she's now heavily medicated. They are now saying she needs a full nursing assessment. Can anyone tell me what this means and how long she will need to stay in - will it be in a hospital? I think our social worker thinks that it will give us more time to find a permanent care home for her as dad can't cope with her back at home. Feeling so incredibly stressed, overwhelmed and just sad about the whole thing -- feel like I've lost my mum already

 

[blandford516]

Hi Arbie ,

My mum was in the same position in Hospital ,but as a family we had tried our very best too look after her but it was impossible . Her Social Worker wanted mum discharged and sent home !! when it was very clear we could not cope . So we took charge of the situation found mum a lovely home ( despite all our guilt ) and told the SW that they would be responsible if they were adamant she should return home . Things changed from there . The hospital would not discharge until a suitable home was found . At that time mum was double incontinent , walking around the streets and nearly set fire to the bungalow . She was not safe . All I can say to you is you do what is best for your family to make your mum safe ,and don't always rely or believe SW xx Wish you all the best X

 

[Arbie]

Thank you blandford - I will definitely take your advice. We've just got to get her into the hospital in the first place for the assessment to take place. At present she's just in respite and that finishes on Monday. I'm worried that if a hospital place can't be found that they'll just stick in her in one of the poorer care homes that don't specialise in dementia.

Can't believe how much she's gone downhill in such a short space of time - it's horrible.

 

[copsham]

I, like you was shocked when my mother first had vascur dementia. I used to remind myself that 3 months ago she had been able to email me, then following infections and all sorts, she was "not with it" at all and diagnosed with Vasc Dem.

It is so hard. I cannot give you advice re the process of Respite to NH assessment as my mother did not go down that route. I wish you well in the difficult time ahead.

 

[Arbie]

Copsham - yes until a few weeks ago, you could hold a conversation with her and she could do odd jobs around the house and go shopping. So different now - and the doctor said that the double incontinence is a sign that it's very advanced. Still don't know what to expect though. Thank you for your kind words though - it's so good to talk to people who've been through it.

 

[fusee]

Copsham - yes until a few weeks ago, you could hold a conversation with her and she could do odd jobs around the house and go shopping. So different now - and the doctor said that the double incontinence is a sign that it's very advanced. Still don't know what to expect though. Thank you for your kind words though - it's so good to talk to people who've been through it.

Hi
So sorry for you, my partner has advanced VD and unfortunately it only gets worse
Double incon no speech won,t sleep no mobility, nothing you can do for them but make sure they are comfortable my LO goes to day care twice a week but I am considering stopping this as it seems to upset her even more. If you need any advice just ask. I have been looking after her for over 5 years.

 

[Arbie]

Crikey Fussee I admire you so much. Mum has had vascular for a couple of years and dad has coped OK, but following her stay in hospital it got so bad that we just couldn't cope with her - unless I gave up work completely to help dad. I did think about that but I felt so sorry for my kids as I'd never be at home. It was the constant wandering and asking to go out over and over again that dad found hardest to deal with - and the lack of sleep. I can't understand how she's not exhausted - she only weighs about 6.5 stone but she seems to be unstoppable!

She's now really heavily sedated in respite care which has calmed her down but she's shaky and very unsteady on her legs.

Do you know - is the double incontinence a sign that the dementia is very advanced - the doctor said so but she can still speak (but not making much sense) and is eating OK? Any advice much appreciated.

 

[fusee]

Crikey Fussee I admire you so much. Mum has had vascular for a couple of years and dad has coped OK, but following her stay in hospital it got so bad that we just couldn't cope with her - unless I gave up work completely to help dad. I did think about that but I felt so sorry for my kids as I'd never be at home. It was the constant wandering and asking to go out over and over again that dad found hardest to deal with - and the lack of sleep. I can't understand how she's not exhausted - she only weighs about 6.5 stone but she seems to be unstoppable!

She's now really heavily sedated in respite care which has calmed her down but she's shaky and very unsteady on her legs.

Do you know - is the double incontinence a sign that the dementia is very advanced - the doctor said so but she can still speak (but not making much sense) and is eating OK? Any advice much appreciated.

Hi Arbie
Not sure the double incon is a sign my LO has been for at least 2 years, not much help from doctors or neurologists apart from wanting my LO to go to London for research purposes, which I refused as I felt it was to far. I think one of the worst things is unable to speak and problems swallowing, and finding nothing interests them just having the T.V. on. Anything else I can help you with just ask.

 

[Arbie]

Dear Fussee - I'm not surprised you don't want to go to London - far too much for both of you I would think. Not being able to speak must be awful for you - we can still communicate but the sedatives make mum's speech slurred. Just taken her to a dementia ward at a local hospital today. Awful leaving her there. Must say they seemed very understaffed and have closed down 6 beds out of 16 because of lack of trained nurses. So sad. Good to talk to you x