Hello

[Lilly_B]

Hi! I have just joined online after my mum has been taken nto hospital after she had a fall at home.
She is 71 and the last few months the family have noticed she has mixed times of vagueness, confusion & depression. Tests at the hospital show she suffered a small stroke, and a CT scan shows dementia is present.
She has been in hospital for 2 weeks now & over this time she has got worse instead of better. My brother and I receive calls regularly from the hospital telling us she is getting aggressive towards both staff & patients and each visit she is more confused & we hear random stories that we know aren't true, but seem to be etched in her brain as we hear them all the time - but every time with a different ending.
They have now told us they are not going to recommend my mum going back to her own home as she will not cope. Her mobility has severely deteriorated and the thought of her pottering around in the kitchen keeps me awake at night.
Is there an easy way to tell your mum that she will not be returning to her own home? I know that this will break her heart but WE all know it' for her own safety & well being.
We have recently found hidden medication in her bag at the hospital, showing us that she isn't even taking that now! All so very sad and heart breaking to watch, but we want to do what is best for her.
Any help and advice would be gratefully received, Thank you

 

[Amethyst59]

Hello, @Lilly_B, I am so glad you thought to join Talking Point at this difficult time...but sorry that your poor Mum is suffering. There are, indeed, some strategies you can use...and some hope for the future. A lot of people in your situation tell their PWD (person with dementia) that the doctor has suggested a short rest in a home to give them time to convalesce. This way, no blame is apportioned to you, it was the ‘doctor’s orders’.
The hope that I mentioned, is that the confusion you see now, may very well clear a little. Your mum is in a busy, confusing and strange place. Once she is settled somewhere else you might well see an improvement in her condition.
I am sure others in just your situation will see this and also give you some advice. Please keep posting and let us know how things go.

 

[Lilly_B]

Hello, @Lilly_B, I am so glad you thought to join Talking Point at this difficult time...but sorry that your poor Mum is suffering. There are, indeed, some strategies you can use...and some hope for the future. A lot of people in your situation tell their PWD (person with dementia) that the doctor has suggested a short rest in a home to give them time to convalesce. This way, no blame is apportioned to you, it was the ‘doctor’s orders’.
The hope that I mentioned, is that the confusion you see now, may very well clear a little. Your mum is in a busy, confusing and strange place. Once she is settled somewhere else you might well see an improvement in her condition.
I am sure others in just your situation will see this and also give you some advice. Please keep posting and let us know how things go.

Hello, @Lilly_B, I am so glad you thought to join Talking Point at this difficult time...but sorry that your poor Mum is suffering. There are, indeed, some strategies you can use...and some hope for the future. A lot of people in your situation tell their PWD (person with dementia) that the doctor has suggested a short rest in a home to give them time to convalesce. This way, no blame is apportioned to you, it was the ‘doctor’s orders’.
The hope that I mentioned, is that the confusion you see now, may very well clear a little. Your mum is in a busy, confusing and strange place. Once she is settled somewhere else you might well see an improvement in her condition.
I am sure others in just your situation will see this and also give you some advice. Please keep posting and let us know how things go.

Hello, @Lilly_B, I am so glad you thought to join Talking Point at this difficult time...but sorry that your poor Mum is suffering. There are, indeed, some strategies you can use...and some hope for the future. A lot of people in your situation tell their PWD (person with dementia) that the doctor has suggested a short rest in a home to give them time to convalesce. This way, no blame is apportioned to you, it was the ‘doctor’s orders’.
The hope that I mentioned, is that the confusion you see now, may very well clear a little. Your mum is in a busy, confusing and strange place. Once she is settled somewhere else you might well see an improvement in her condition.
I am sure others in just your situation will see this and also give you some advice. Please keep posting and let us know how things go.

Thank you so much for your warm welcome......and words of advice
This us an excellent idea, and certainly one we hadn't thought of, Thank you
I am sure there are sadly so many people going through exactly the same at the moment & this forum is a god send!
I shall indeed keep tapping in for advice

 

[mab]

Amethyst is giving good advice there.
I've not been in your situation.. yet!.. but many others on here have and will soon be joining in to share their experiences and giving good nuggets of advice.
Just wanted to say welcome to TP and assure you of our support.

 

[Grannie G]

Hello @Lilly_B

My husband was quite happy to accept being in a convalescent home, on the advice of his doctor, to help build his health and strength.

I hope your mum will be equally happy.

 

[love.dad.but..]

My dad had to go to a nursing home from his home with me telling love lies to get him there but I would think it will be easier to carry on with the...doctors need you to have good specialist nursing care for a while....if She is already in hospital and partly in the mindset of already being looked after. Blame it on the doctor. However what has struck me and it will be a comfort to you during the moving and settling process....you have recognised and fully understood your
mum's needs and that is the hardest yet kindest decision you can make for your much loved dear mum.

 

[Lilly_B]

Amethyst is giving good advice there.
I've not been in your situation.. yet!.. but many others on here have and will soon be joining in to share their experiences and giving good nuggets of advice.
Just wanted to say welcome to TP and assure you of our support.

Thank ou for your kind words. It is not going to be an easy journey ahead, but knowing there is great & friendly advice is a huge comfort

 

[Lilly_B]

Hello @Lilly_B

My husband was quite happy to accept being in a convalescent home, on the advice of his doctor, to help build his health and strength.

I hope your mum will be equally happy.

Thank you @Grannie G for your kind advice, I am hoping that my mum will be happy to accept this advice too. We have been looking around at a few homes ready so that we are prepared.

 

[Lilly_B]

My dad had to go to a nursing home from his home with me telling love lies to get him there but I would think it will be easier to carry on with the...doctors need you to have good specialist nursing care for a while....if She is already in hospital and partly in the mindset of already being looked after. Blame it on the doctor. However what has struck me and it will be a comfort to you during the moving and settling process....you have recognised and fully understood your
mum's needs and that is the hardest yet kindest decision you can make for your much loved dear mum.

Thank you for your great advice @love.dad.but.. I am sure that as long as it gets her out of hospital she will hopefully be happy. Everyday is very much a lottery with her at the moment, with a real mix of good and bad days. Telling her it is the doctors advice/choice for a home is a great idea. We have a meeting coming up which involves Doctors, Mental Health officials and social care workers to advise the next steps.