Hello, newbie at end of tether

[Vennie]

Hi, feeling low, Dad has Alz, has been in hospital for a week with bladder infection after collapsing at home, lives alone, I've been in every day except today. He hates being in, furious, and just gives me lots of awful stuff when I go in, all my fault, I've put him in there for my convenience, nothing wrong with him, stealing his money, etc etc. They want to discharge him but have said he DOES need carers ( he says not) & will send him home when I sort it out... Spent all today on phone, no luck, all full, not cover area, etc (self funding) Neighbour went to see him & he ranted loudly all the time she was there about me, not been in, bitch, stealing his house, etc etc.
I'm an only child, live alone not far from Dad (in my own house!) & a 24hr carer for lovely son with learning difficulties. Neighbour advised me to have a day off tomorrow & not go to hospital, son at home all day too & wants us to go out.
Feeling torn, guilty & tether running out!
Sorry, just needed to rant

 

[Baker17]

Hi, feeling low, Dad has Alz, has been in hospital for a week with bladder infection after collapsing at home, lives alone, I've been in every day except today. He hates being in, furious, and just gives me lots of awful stuff when I go in, all my fault, I've put him in there for my convenience, nothing wrong with him, stealing his money, etc etc. They want to discharge him but have said he DOES need carers ( he says not) & will send him home when I sort it out... Spent all today on phone, no luck, all full, not cover area, etc (self funding) Neighbour went to see him & he ranted loudly all the time she was there about me, not been in, bitch, stealing his house, etc etc.
I'm an only child, live alone not far from Dad (in my own house!) & a 24hr carer for lovely son with learning difficulties. Neighbour advised me to have a day off tomorrow & not go to hospital, son at home all day too & wants us to go out.
Feeling torn, guilty & tether running out!
Sorry, just needed to rant

Hi, it’s ok to rant sometimes you need to let off steam, have you a social worker you can talk to or his memory team to explain your problems in getting care, just an idea

 

[Sam Luvit]

Hi @Vennie

We all feel like that at times, like it’s just too much, that’s why I love TP, no judgement, just lots of support & some great suggestions & a few giggles. The giggles & virtual hugs are the best

Have you got LPA’s sorted, so you can arrange carers etc? Unfortunately self funding does seem to be very much a “you go sort it out dear” situation, but if the hospital says he must have carers to be discharged, ask them for a list that might have availability, or do you have that

Hard though it is, you have to try not to take his accusations to heart. There is a theory that things go missing, the PWD (Person With Dementia) knows it’s not them, so it must be you

Take the day off, spend it with your son, recharge your batteries & start again. I know it’s hard, but sometimes you just have to walk away & then carry on refreshed.

 

[Vennie]

Thanks, yes have all lists but cant find anyone, had one assesment booked for Mon then email cancelling as had realised didn't cover our area. Think I shall go to bed now, go out with son in morning & see if i'm up to visiting later on. Thanks everyone for your support, glad i've found this site. QUOTE="Sam Luvit, post: 1462836, member: 62022"]Hi @Vennie

We all feel like that at times, like it’s just too much, that’s why I love TP, no judgement, just lots of support & some great suggestions & a few giggles. The giggles & virtual hugs are the best

Have you got LPA’s sorted, so you can arrange carers etc? Unfortunately self funding does seem to be very much a “you go sort it out dea” situation, but if the hospital says he must have carers to be discharged, ask them for a list that might have availability, or do you have that

Hard though it is, you have to try not to take his accusations to heart. There is a theory that things go missing, the PWD (Person With Dementia) knows it’s not them, so it must be you

Take the day off, spend it with your son, recharge your batteries & start again. I know it’s hard, but sometimes you just have to walk away & then carry on refreshed. [/QUOTE]