Hello My name is Terri

[TeriM]

My mother is 90 years old and this is the first time in our relationship that she has not communicated with me for an entire month
It’s very difficult for me and she has never been this angry. My older brother accused me of trying to be her conservative over her and I never tried to control her life.
But she wants to believe him. All my family has stopped communicating with me.
I spoke to her primary care doctor and she told me she has the beginning stages of dementia. I don’t know what to do

 

[Louise7]

Hello @TeriM and welcome, although sorry to hear about the problems you are having with your mom and your family. Unfortunately it's quite common for someone with dementia to turn against relatives, usually the main caregiver or person closest to them, but it's understandable that you feel hurt by what's happening and it's such a difficult thing to deal with. Perhaps stepping back for a little while and letting other relatives take over might help them to see your mom's behaviour for themselves and appreciate how difficult things are? It sounds like you are in the USA and although we do have members here from all over the world, who are all very welcome here, if you do feel that you'd like to speak to others in a similar position and get support locally you may find the link below useful.

Community

Get information and resources for Alzheimer's and other dementias from the Alzheimer's Association.

www.alz.org

 

[canary]

Hello @TeriM and welcome to the forum

Im afraid it is not unusual for people with dementia to take against their main caregiver. Usually it is because they are unable to comprehend that they have something wrong with them. They do not think that they have changed at all, so they blame the people around them for things that go wrong. My OH accused me of taking him over, telling him what to do, preventing him from doing things (although, in reality he wasnt able to do them) and treating him like a child. It sounds like your brother is reenforcing these beliefs in your mum.

Hard though it may be, I would step back. If you arent around then your mums accusations will probably switch to someone else. I dont think it would be long before the family realised that you were not to blame.