Hello I care for my Mum who has Alzheimer’s and Vascular Dementia

[Jacann]

Hi, couldn’t sleep with worry and found this site. Mum is 90 and lives in her own. I have a daughter with learning difficulties. Mum is starting to go downhill. We have carers going to her morning and evening but she won’t let them do anything. The district nurses have called to give b12 injection but she wouldn’t let them administer it. Mums not eating much, she’s urine incontinent,mainly in the mornings, and I have to change her bed often, she has a commode but won’t use it. She won’t use incontinence pads at night. She’s stopped showering and washing her hair. It’s all such a worry.
I’m at a loss as to how I persuade her to shower, she says she’ll do it but forgets conversations within a minute. I think it maybe time to think about a care home but that scares and upsets me. At a loss about what to do next.

 

[Grannie G]

Welcome @Jacann

I think it`s time for a care home for your Mum too. Experienced carers who are less emotionally involved will be much better for her and for you too.

Have you had a carers assessment from Social Services? If not, that is your first move.

Carer's assessments - Social care and support guide

See if you can get support from your council, such as extra money or a break from caring.

www.nhs.uk

 

[Gosling]

Hello and welcome @Jacann from me too to this friendly and supportive forum. There is a lot of shared experience of dementia to be found here so I am glad you have found us.
I am sorry to read about your Mum. It does certainly sound as though residential care is right for her now. I had to do the same for my dear Mum....such a hard decision to have to come to terms with, but it was totally the right thing to do for her continued care and safety and wellbeing.

 

[Jacann]

Hi @Gosling . Thank you for your reassuring words. My siblings and I will be having a WhatsApp meeting this evening to discuss. I think a residential home is the best thing for Mum now. It’s so hard to think of it, you hear of horror stories and I’m so afraid Mum will be unhappy. We’ll start researching homes and go from there. Thanks again.

 

[Gosling]

You do hear horror stories, but there are so many good and outstanding care homes out there. Whatever area you are in, and you don't need to share that on here, then perhaps take a look at the CQC website for their last inspection reports of whatever homes you may be interested in.
Also, visit them, check out the atmosphere..observe what is going on and does it seem professional and caring?

Care Quality Commission

www.cqc.org.uk

Please do remember, the reports are only a snapshot at the time they were done, so don't necessarily be put off by some things mentioned.
Hope the Whatsapp sibling meeting goes well. Good luck,