Hi I am a newbie to the Alzheimer’s .org. Im 75 and at the moment I feel like 175, no doubt you know the feeling, my husband is 78 and has had dementia a few years now ,but we coped ok untill 4th august when his “habit” of picking leaves up in the garden led him to tripping over a small wall and going head first through A glass greenhouse 😢 which resulted in several cuts and bad gashes on his head, and 2 fractures in his neck, of course he had to go into hospital where they put him in a “hard” neck brace collar which he has to wear night and day for approx 12 weeks, of course the first night he came home I got him ready undressed and washed and into bed, only to hear him padding about an hour after I went downstairs, so I went upstairs again and he had undressed , taken the neck brace off and hung it on the door🫣. This was the start of a couple of days where he would keep removing it but eventually he learned he had to tolerate it and this is where we are at today with apparently another 6 weeks to keep it on ,, these last two days however I have noticed a rather big change in him, where he is not eating much and I have to keep pushing him to drink as well , it’s upsetting as his speech has deteriorated very very confused doesn’t finish sentences even though they are not making any sense when he starts saying something, I obviously let it out and cry when I’m on my own , I have 2 elderly dogs which we usually take for a very short walk in a morning and afternoon , but that’s now a struggle because it’s just so much hassle trying to get hubby in the car, and the dogs and as I say I know I’m not on my own , but I am feeling so down and I don’t know which way to turn ,,
Hello from Nana B (viv)
- Thread starter NanaB
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Hello @NanaB and welcome to Talking Point
Your husband is probably very confused having had to stay in hospital and is now home, but with a neck brace. It will probably take a few days for him to settle again. I dont think the hot weather helps either.
However, I should point out that fractures, pain etc can progress dementia, so he might not get back to exactly the level he was before. You might want to contact Social Services for an updated needs assessment, but see how he goes
xx
Your husband is probably very confused having had to stay in hospital and is now home, but with a neck brace. It will probably take a few days for him to settle again. I dont think the hot weather helps either.
However, I should point out that fractures, pain etc can progress dementia, so he might not get back to exactly the level he was before. You might want to contact Social Services for an updated needs assessment, but see how he goes
xx
Hi , yes thanks for that, Hospital has confused him definitely , but he’s been home about just short of 2 weeks now and it did improve after a few days but this at the moment is different! I’m wondering if it could possibly be uti , as I remember in my younger days when I was caring for elderly patients if they got urine infections the confusion in a lot of them was really bad , so I am going to see how he is tomorrow and if I’m still concerned I will ring 111 and see what they suggest,, I think we all get to a point in our lives where we wonder,,,,,SHOULD I call them, or AM I wasting their time,? Which I really don’t want to do, I did ring social services but they said would you like someone to come and wash and dress him in the morning? So I said no I can manage that ,,well would you like us to make meals ,? I said no I have no problem cooking, So I’m totally at a loss what services would be of use to me ,, xx
oh my poor dear, it is so hard isn;t it. I cry buckets too, but know that it can and will be much worse. I am
75 in november too. did not sign up for this, but will have to carry on. for better for worse. hard it is for us, how much harder is it for them, I wonder. lost the man , my team mate, my play mate, my counsel...lonely , but what can we do but carry on?
It could be - phone the GP monday (unless he gets a lot worse) and take a specimen in for them to test
I get carers in to get OH washed and dressed. Yes, I am capable of doing this myself, but it takes time and as OH has declined everything takes more time, so it eases the stress on me to get someone else to do it. I also reached carer breakdown by trying to do everything myself - I dont recommend it....
It also gets him used to other people doing things for him, before it becomes urgent that others have to.
Just thought Id mention that....
xx
Very true Leny yes it’s horrible seeing the person you love just fading in front of you and there’s absolutely nothing that you can do to stop it, just be there for them , in the same breath I realise that unfortunately there are so many younger people also with young families and that is devastating as well ,, terrible illness Xx
Dear @Nana B
Whilst I am sure that you would rather be able to continue walking your two dogs yourself, if it is becoming difficult you could consider getting some support with this from, for example, The Cinnamon Trust or Borrow My Doggy.
https://cinnamon.org.uk/
https://www.borrowmydoggy.com/
Best wishes xx
Whilst I am sure that you would rather be able to continue walking your two dogs yourself, if it is becoming difficult you could consider getting some support with this from, for example, The Cinnamon Trust or Borrow My Doggy.
https://cinnamon.org.uk/
https://www.borrowmydoggy.com/
Best wishes xx
Welcome -hopefully by chatting on here you'll find the support and advice you need bearing in mind we are all different I'm 70 caring for 61 year old wife on my own, we manage but at times see rapid deterioration & major lost of my soul mate. Lost of affection conversation etc..just feel welcome here & able to ask what ever you want to xx
Hi NanaB
Did you attend a dementia clinic with your husband, if so I would let them know of any changes. That's what I did with my husband x
thank you. weird that I am his mum most of the time now. but at least still has the respect and love because of that. conversation is weird too as I do not really know much of his past
but I am at my wits' end. he wants me even as seeing me as his mother, heartbreakingly he thinks I have left him, either that or I am dead/gone.He is looking for me, phoning me, leaving messages on my phone begging me to come home, when I am right here in front of him , holding his hand. I talked to the admiral nurse, who suggested I asked about his mother, what she was like, the memories of her and him growing up. we talk (converse ) constantly, round and round. I will do anything for him,till my dying day. I know this is not unique to me. sons and daughters our there caring for their parent/s even as they were not recognised by the cared for anymore. I tried texting him soothing messages. wend outside of his earshot and called him to say I will come home when his mum is gone etc. worked for a while, but he is not stupid. oh well, we just take a day at a time, even moments at a time. loving it when I am his wife, going along and volleying his questions when I am his mum
Was not being dismissive, I feel for you so much & can relate so much to your situation. I get woken in the night to be asked who I am, I'm stared at in the morning because I'm not recognised as her husband. Slowly as the day develops I have conversations, some understanding & some sharing but as the evening approaches we drift back. Her consultant is basically saying nothing he can do and happily send her back to the GP, but the GP has nothing to offer. So we have what we have, we are the way we are and yes at my wit's end, tired and just wanting to sleep for a month
no, I know you were not, and now even more aware that we both are having similar losses of identity when not being recognised as ourselves. Like in your case, the GP did not offer me any help, and yes, a psychologist would or could prescribe some sort of psychotic meds that may help a little, but only after 'regularly seeing the patient'. yeah, sure. it is hard enough to see our GP just for a face to face consultation. regular meetings with a specialist? clouds cuckoo land. so best foot forward, grin and bear it then. thank you for your kind words
Yep grin & bare it we really have no choice, limited people to talk to about it & the progression - referred & registered to Carers Service & one point of contact in 4 years!! Hope you get a better service. Don't forget as you fly around in cloud cuckoo land looking for help & support or just an mundane chat about nothing message me meantime keep grinning x
on paper there seem to be a lot of helps out there, carers support, health and care, social prescribers, age Uk, the admiral nurse, are just a few I was directed to. Please do not get me wrong. they are wonderful people, when you reach out they do respond, but in my case, for the moment I just want my life back. my OH back, he sees me as me, his loving wife of 34 years. no one can do that. talking helps, especially here when there are many of us who understand and let me moan
You and me both!! My ironic fact ? We both retired on 30/6/2018, my last job was running a carers support service for a large charity in a large city😲😲within 8 months OH had been diagnosed & I was back to caring, such is life🫣 chatting is not moaning so remember here if needed xx
