Hi everyone, I'm the daughter of a mother with advanced dementia. This os my first post and I'm glad I found a space to share my feelings with others who have am understanding of this journey. Things are a little tough at the moment for my Dad who is her full time carer, and for me to see how my Mum is deteriorating. One of the things that I find quite upsetting is how close friends on my parents have disappeared. I know this can be a common reaction of some people but it doesn't hurt any less. Recently a good friend, or who I thought was a good long term friend of my Mum and Dad passed by my parents house in her car and my Dad saw her look away when she was driving my pretending not to see my Dad. This type of behaviour is thoroughly disappointing. I am very tempted to make contact with this person and tell them how dissapointed in their behaviour I am, but it probably won't do any good. How do others deal with this type of behaviour?
Hello, and dissapointed in behaviour of supposed friends of my parents
- Thread starter DublinGal83
- Start date
Hello @DublinGal83 and welcome to Talking Point. Unfortunately the behaviour that you describe as all too common when people develop dementia. Whether it is from fear of what to say or that people fear that they will be roped into providing care. It is so very thoughtless. But as for saying anything I think that you should maintain a dignified silence.
The members of this forum are mainly from the UK and i do not know how social services works in Southern Ireland but i would suggest that you ensure that your mother and father are receiving all of the state help that they are entitled to.
Please keep posting if there is anything that we can help you with, or even just to vent how you feel.
The members of this forum are mainly from the UK and i do not know how social services works in Southern Ireland but i would suggest that you ensure that your mother and father are receiving all of the state help that they are entitled to.
Please keep posting if there is anything that we can help you with, or even just to vent how you feel.
Hello, @DublinGal83 , welcome to the forum and I hope you’ll find lots of help and support here.
I totally understand how upsetting it is when close friends move away. Dementia is such a dreadful disease that most people have no idea how to deal with it. Having said that, some of this simply happens as people get older anyway. People lose the art of friendship in many cases, whether or not dementia is involved.
I wouldn’t pay too much attention to your dad‘s notion that a friend ignored him while driving past their home. I appreciate that in his situation, he may have interpreted it as a slight, but in reality, she may have been paying attention to the road conditions and simply not seen him.
The very last thing you should do is call her out on it. At best, she’ll say she doesn’t know what you’re talking about, at worst you could end up ruining a friendship that is really your parents, not yours.
I totally understand how upsetting it is when close friends move away. Dementia is such a dreadful disease that most people have no idea how to deal with it. Having said that, some of this simply happens as people get older anyway. People lose the art of friendship in many cases, whether or not dementia is involved.
I wouldn’t pay too much attention to your dad‘s notion that a friend ignored him while driving past their home. I appreciate that in his situation, he may have interpreted it as a slight, but in reality, she may have been paying attention to the road conditions and simply not seen him.
The very last thing you should do is call her out on it. At best, she’ll say she doesn’t know what you’re talking about, at worst you could end up ruining a friendship that is really your parents, not yours.
Hi. I too am new to this site although I have been reading lots of posts and gaining some very valuable knowledge from them. My husband has had Alzheimer’s now for 3 years and I noticed that his good good friends distanced themselves from us in the beginning and I found it very confusing and indeed lonely. I do think it’s a gut reaction as finally a handful are getting to grips with the situation and have stepped up, which is wonderful. It is very hard for friends who are not living with the illness to understand what life is like. I too wanted to ask why but didn’t as what really could they do if they didn’t feel comfortable . It does get better.
One of The Banjoman’s students/friends, who I know to be a caring volunteer helping disabled holidaymakers, actually said to me that he wouldn’t visit because he “Wanted to remember him as he was”.
I found that hard to accept!
I found that hard to accept!
Hi everyone thanks so much for your replies. I think the person in question probably feels very uncomfortable around my Mum maybe not knowing what to say etc. My Dad saw her look at him while driving by and when she saw him look back she quickly looked away as if she pretended not to see him. I suppose it's just hurtful for my Dad as he's already going through such a hard time so the last thing he needs is to be ignored or shunned by lifelong friends. The person I'm sure has no intention at all to cause such offence to my Dad. It's just a shame really that certain people behave this way. I won't say anything to the person but I suppose I won't be going out of my way to help this person on the future.
