Hello 👋

[Just 1]

My mother is 77 and she’s had altzheimers for about 6 years diagnosed 4 years ago. My Father is 80 years old and her carer.
My poor dad is so tired as he just can’t leave her - I’ve suggested a carer and had people waiting to do so but she just won’t accept any help. She’s very anxious and can become aggressive towards me and my dad if we try and talk to her about it.

 

[Watson1]

You poor folks. Grab the bull by the horns: here you go mum this is Alice your carer for the afternoon dad and i are going out.Have fun mom.

 

[Gosling]

Hello @Just 1 and welcome to this friendly and supportive forum. There is an abundance of shared experience of dementia to be found here so I am glad you have found us.
I am sorry to read about you Mother's Alzheimer's diagnosis, and the situation you are now in with your Father too. All so difficult to try to deal with.
It sounds as though you do need extra care help for your Mum, as I'm sure your poor Dad will be exhausted in caring for her.
It also sounds as though it has got to the stage of it is now more important as to what the person needs rather than what they want. A care package sounds as though it should be put in place and soon.
Do try to get Social Services Involved for a Care Needs Assessment for your Mum and carer's assessment for your Dad. They would both be classed as vulnerable people.
This link may help:

Assessment for care and support in England

What are care assessments and how can people with dementia and their carers access them? This information is for care and support in England.

www.alzheimers.org.uk

 

[canary]

Unfortunately, a person with dementia will reach a stage where their default answer to any request is No, because they cannot envisage what it would be like and the safest answer is no.
So dont ask her whether she will accept the carer, or try and discuss it with her because this will just make her dig her heels in further. Organise the carer and then introduce her on the day as a "friend". You/your dad may have to stay with them the first couple of times so that your mum gets used to them and then your dad can say that hes "just popping out for a minute"