Having a rant at 2.55 am

Jan48

Registered User
Apr 25, 2022
136
0
Just been woke up and told that the freezer has been turned off. I came to check and it was ok. He has a habit of turning everything off at night, router, dementia clock. He promised not to do it but during the night when he gets up he turns everything on stand by off. I have taped the switch and the plug, he still does it and if he cannot he unplugs. The other obsession is security, checking door, taps. Everytime he wakes up, he asked me whether I have checked the door. This is driving me crazy, am fuming and losing my temper. I am a poor sleeper once awake cannot go back to sleep. After all this carry on I am throwing a tantrum as well and banged on the door. I was surprised he did not react. . I know I should be calm but it is so difficult. Am writing this post now and he went to bed and slept soundly and asked me why I am not coming to bed. He is still undiagnosed and does not think there is anything wrong. He has also got liver disease under urgent investigations. The worse is yet to come, how do you all cope warriors? Mine is just the beginning and am feeling drained. Being 75 with health and mobility issues do not help. I know I should remain calm and try to cope without upsetting him further by shouting at him and calling him names but I cannot help losing my calm. Is something wrong with me? I doubt whether he will accept medication.. Sorry for the rant, it is minor compared to some issues some carers are facing 24/7.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
24,688
0
Southampton
Just been woke up and told that the freezer has been turned off. I came to check and it was ok. He has a habit of turning everything off at night, router, dementia clock. He promised not to do it but during the night when he gets up he turns everything on stand by off. I have taped the switch and the plug, he still does it and if he cannot he unplugs. The other obsession is security, checking door, taps. Everytime he wakes up, he asked me whether I have checked the door. This is driving me crazy, am fuming and losing my temper. I am a poor sleeper once awake cannot go back to sleep. After all this carry on I am throwing a tantrum as well and banged on the door. I was surprised he did not react. . I know I should be calm but it is so difficult. Am writing this post now and he went to bed and slept soundly and asked me why I am not coming to bed. He is still undiagnosed and does not think there is anything wrong. He has also got liver disease under urgent investigations. The worse is yet to come, how do you all cope warriors? Mine is just the beginning and am feeling drained. Being 75 with health and mobility issues do not help. I know I should remain calm and try to cope without upsetting him further by shouting at him and calling him names but I cannot help losing my calm. Is something wrong with me? I doubt whether he will accept medication.. Sorry for the rant, it is minor compared to some issues some carers are facing 24/7.
I've just read it all and feel tired just reading. Nobody can cope with all that with very little sleep
Do you have help at all? I have no advice but just thought I could you have a care assessment for him names maybe a carer assessment for you. Maybe worth phoning gp to see if they can do something to calm him down


.
 

SeaSwallow

Volunteer Moderator
Oct 28, 2019
6,589
0
It is not a minor issue @Jan48. Being woken every night, then not being able to get back to sleep again is so tiring. Plus the added worry of what appliances he is turning off. Add this to your own health issue and no wonder you lost it tonight. We are all just human.
You could ask for a meds review with his GP, they are reluctant to prescribe sleeping tablets but might consider an anti anxiety medication.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,371
0
South coast
I agree with others to speak to the GP about this. In the meantime, though, my mum used to turn off and unplug appliances and I found that it was the little light that shows that the appliance is on standby that was the trigger for her to try and switch it off. I covered the light with a bit of gaffer tape which seemed to stop her searching for the switch/plug, although if the plug was still visible she would often unplug it. You can get child proof locks for sockets which might help
 

Sugar25

Registered User
Oct 21, 2023
15
0
Just been woke up and told that the freezer has been turned off. I came to check and it was ok. He has a habit of turning everything off at night, router, dementia clock. He promised not to do it but during the night when he gets up he turns everything on stand by off. I have taped the switch and the plug, he still does it and if he cannot he unplugs. The other obsession is security, checking door, taps. Everytime he wakes up, he asked me whether I have checked the door. This is driving me crazy, am fuming and losing my temper. I am a poor sleeper once awake cannot go back to sleep. After all this carry on I am throwing a tantrum as well and banged on the door. I was surprised he did not react. . I know I should be calm but it is so difficult. Am writing this post now and he went to bed and slept soundly and asked me why I am not coming to bed. He is still undiagnosed and does not think there is anything wrong. He has also got liver disease under urgent investigations. The worse is yet to come, how do you all cope warriors? Mine is just the beginning and am feeling drained. Being 75 with health and mobility issues do not help. I know I should remain calm and try to cope without upsetting him further by shouting at him and calling him names but I cannot help losing my calm. Is something wrong with me? I doubt whether he will accept medication.. Sorry for the rant, it is minor compared to some issues some carers are facing 24/7.
Please don’t feel like your problems are minor and no there is nothing wrong with you. No one who cares for someone with dementia should ever feel that way. You are trying to deal with a very difficult situation and if you can’t sleep you can’t function. If you can’t function then you can’t provide support for your partner. Not the same situation as mine but could you try and make a gp appointment allegedly about his other health problems but then bring these things up ? I have recently had help from gp and social services and we are now all in a much happier healthier position. I can’t pretend it was an easy place to get to though. But you have to look after yourself.
 

2ndAlto

Registered User
Nov 23, 2012
462
0
I wonder if there is a practical solution to the freezer being turned off (or not) - I have no idea if it is possible but wonder if it could be directly wired in OR if a new socket could be put in such a difficult place behind the freezer that your OH won't even be able to see it? And likewise for the fridge maybe? I know the problem is more than that but at least if he woke you up saying the freezer had been turned off you could just say "whatever" and (try to) go back to sleep?
 

Jan48

Registered User
Apr 25, 2022
136
0
I agree with others to speak to the GP about this. In the meantime, though, my mum used to turn off and unplug appliances and I found that it was the little light that shows that the appliance is on standby that was the trigger for her to try and switch it off. I covered the light with a bit of gaffer tape which seemed to stop her searching for the switch/plug, although if the plug was still visible she would often unplug it. You can get child proof locks for sockets which might help
It’s the same with him, when he gets up at night to go to the toilet, all appliances on stand by are turned off, the trigger is the light on. I have taped the switch and the plug. He still managed to switch off if he cannot he removed the plug, unplug the phone line. He does it most night. Usually he does not interfere with the freezer switch but he did make me jump when he asked me to check. Am going to speak to gp but since he is having issues with his liver. They can want to deal with it first. He has just been referred to memory clinic. He is highly functional and ok during the day, but the problem starts at night. I know what the gp will say, let him be assessed by the memory clinic first. The best thing I have done so far is to make him stop driving since March. He has got anogsonasia (spelling)
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,371
0
South coast
Have you tried covering up the standby light on the appliances @Jan48 ?
I found that if I covered them with a bit of gaffer tape mum usually didn't realise that they were still on and then didn't go looking for the plug

I ve got the sockets for the fridge/freezer plug inside the cupboard next to it
 

Toopie28

Registered User
Jun 7, 2022
317
0
There are NO minor problems when it comes to dementia and caring for a LO.

Sleep deprivation is a killer - mix that with stress and there you have it. Rant as much as you need and bang on as many doors as you need to as well.

I eventually had to cover camera's with black tape so there was no light showing.

I also had to get an electrician to come in and give me some outlets where Ma wouldn't see them. In my case it was above the cupboard or behind some heavy couch (which for me to plug and unplug was no easy feat, but I cared from afar and couldn't have her turn off any switches.)

Help is needed, I'm afraid. Just so you can recharge for a couple of hours.

Maybe melatonin to help him sleep through the night - I haven't tried it but others may have more experience.
 

Ellie2018

Registered User
Jun 26, 2023
252
0
Just been woke up and told that the freezer has been turned off. I came to check and it was ok. He has a habit of turning everything off at night, router, dementia clock. He promised not to do it but during the night when he gets up he turns everything on stand by off. I have taped the switch and the plug, he still does it and if he cannot he unplugs. The other obsession is security, checking door, taps. Everytime he wakes up, he asked me whether I have checked the door. This is driving me crazy, am fuming and losing my temper. I am a poor sleeper once awake cannot go back to sleep. After all this carry on I am throwing a tantrum as well and banged on the door. I was surprised he did not react. . I know I should be calm but it is so difficult. Am writing this post now and he went to bed and slept soundly and asked me why I am not coming to bed. He is still undiagnosed and does not think there is anything wrong. He has also got liver disease under urgent investigations. The worse is yet to come, how do you all cope warriors? Mine is just the beginning and am feeling drained. Being 75 with health and mobility issues do not help. I know I should remain calm and try to cope without upsetting him further by shouting at him and calling him names but I cannot help losing my calm. Is something wrong with me? I doubt whether he will accept medication.. Sorry for the rant, it is minor compared to some issues some carers are facing 24/7.
There is nothing wrong with you, it happens to us all. When you read some of the messages here, you will see it’s very common, much more so than you would think. I think at the beginning, it’s difficult to recognise what is the person and what is the disease, as it goes in it’s easier to recognise it’s the disease but we are still human and react to it sometimes.
 

Jan48

Registered User
Apr 25, 2022
136
0
Having your sleep disrupted is very wearing. On a practical front you can get locks for things you don't want unplugged, e. g. https://www.alzproducts.co.uk/socketsafe-lockable-plug-cover
Thanks this is a great product but it is a no win situation. If he cannot switch off, he unplugs telephone line or the electric cable. Tonight have put a big note do not touch or switch off. I need to understand it’s the disease as when I told him about the freezer he asked me whether I think he is stupid. I know he does not do it on purpose as he forgets. I manage to get him to see gp telling him it’s the well man clinic. Another white lie about memory clinic just need to get him there. He will be very upset if he knows I have been going behind his back. This is only the beginning. And much harder when the person is in denial.