Guilt

[walkiewalk]

Hi everyone.
I’ve just come across this forum as i was searching for advice about the guilt I feel.
My mother, who hasn’t been diagnosed, but definitely has dementia, said she hated me today because i told her I’m trying to get her an appointment with the Memory Clinic… after all i do for her and she told me she hates me.
I feel guilty because i just don’t like her anymore… after she told me she hated me I left the house because i couldn’t cope with all the things i wanted to say back to her.
I know she can’t help it but I’m a single mother with two kids and i feel she’s robbing my kids of my attention.
Just needed a rant - any advice would be welcome too.
Thanks for reading.

 

[Kevinl]

Hello and welcome, please feel free to rant away, always someone here to listen.
I didn't really get too much anger off my wife, just the odd outburst every now and then, I got the odd slap off her but no real aggression, just her taking her frustrations with herself out on me. Stay strong. K

 

[Louise7]

Hi @walkiewalk and welcome to the forum, which is a friendly and supportive place. I'm sure that a lot of us here will understand how you are feeling as it's not easy to be on the receiving end of hurtful comments, but going outside for a little while to give yourself a break when you need to is a good idea. Your mum is unlikely to accept that there is anything wrong with her so it may be an idea to perhaps avoid discussing an appointment at the memory clinic for a while as there may well be quite a long wait list. There's a wealth of information here about everything dementia related which you may find useful, it's a safe place to have a rant/vent, and if you have any specific questions just ask as people are happy to help if they can.

 

[Grannie G]

Welcome to the forum @walkiewalk

You did the right thing in walking away. Your mother is no longer in control of her behaviour and is probably aware something is wrong and is frightened.

I wouldn`t tell her about your plans to try to get a diagnosis for her. Speak to her doctor or the memory clinic and tell them of your concerns but try to to discuss it with her any more.

 

[walkiewalk]

Hello and welcome, please feel free to rant away, always someone here to listen.
I didn't really get too much anger off my wife, just the odd outburst every now and then, I got the odd slap off her but no real aggression, just her taking her frustrations with herself out on me. Stay strong. K

Thank you.
I’m grateful I’ve found this forum so I don’t feel so alone with it all.

 

[walkiewalk]

Hi @walkiewalk and welcome to the forum, which is a friendly and supportive place. I'm sure that a lot of us here will understand how you are feeling as it's not easy to be on the receiving end of hurtful comments, but going outside for a little while to give yourself a break when you need to is a good idea. Your mum is unlikely to accept that there is anything wrong with her so it may be an idea to perhaps avoid discussing an appointment at the memory clinic for a while as there may well be quite a long wait list. There's a wealth of information here about everything dementia related which you may find useful, it's a safe place to have a rant/vent, and if you have any specific questions just ask as people are happy to help if they can.

Thank you for your kind words.

 

[walkiewalk]

Welcome to the forum @walkiewalk

You did the right thing in walking away. Your mother is no longer in control of her behaviour and is probably aware something is wrong and is frightened.

I wouldn`t tell her about your plans to try to get a diagnosis for her. Speak to her doctor or the memory clinic and tell them of your concerns but try to to discuss it with her any more.

I know I shouldn’t have said anything but she I pushed me to a point where I had to say something - then I felt guilty. She’s been on the waiting list for a while - they told me she’ll be seen within the next month. Just not sure how I’ll convince her to go to the appointment though 🤷‍♀️

 

[Grannie G]

Just not sure how I’ll convince her to go to the appointment though 🤷‍♀️

Could you tell her you have an appointment and ask her to go with you. If you think this would work, inform the surgery before the appopintment what you are doing

 

[yoy]

We all feel the guilt walkiewalk. Dealing with someone with dementia (on top of the normal stresses of life) gets you to exploding point sometimes. We've all been there. You did the right thing walking away. Take care of yourself and make sure you get help in - carers etc - to help out before you get to breakdown point (it creeps up on you all too easily).

 

[walkiewalk]

Could you tell her you have an appointment and ask her to go with you. If you think this would work, inform the surgery before the appopintment what you are doing

Yes - that’s a good idea. I’ll try that.

 

[walkiewalk]

We all feel the guilt walkiewalk. Dealing with someone with dementia (on top of the normal stresses of life) gets you to exploding point sometimes. We've all been there. You did the right thing walking away. Take care of yourself and make sure you get help in - carers etc - to help out before you get to breakdown point (it creeps up on you all too easily).

Thank you - at this point she refuses carers so I need the diagnosis so I can fully use my power of attorney - it’s a long road but I’m hopeful I can get some help soonish.