Grandma saying all fine... and family want diagnosis.

[LittlerJ]

Hi,
So my lovely grandma over the last few years has been suffering with memory loss, it has recently been progressively getting worse unfortunately. We have been to the GPs for annual check ups where she says everything is fine, the GP has come to her house once to do a memory test, which she utterly refused to do, and got extremely angry when she realised what was going on. She did sarcastically answer the questions. A memory clinic nurse/doctor tried to make an appointment whereby she again got very upset and angry.

Over the last few weeks, she has been a bit more open with my Grandad, apologising for forgetting things and makes little jokes about it. My grandparents are really lovely people and do love to socialise, but I dont think they'd like going to groups etc, cause to them they aren't that old and very independent etc. My grandad is 88 in June and my grandma 84 in October.

I'm basically writing on here for some advice/ help, because as a family we are at a real loss of what to do, and really we haven't even got a diagnosis, which is ridiculously for something that's been happening for the last few years. My grandad is troopering on but he is getting older and more tired. And currently he is sleeping in a chair next to my grandma, which is not going to be helping his health at all.

I also notice my grandma has a lot of scabs on her arms, as she scratches herself quite a bit whilst watching TV for example, her hands are always doing something. Not sure if this is dementia related or something anyone has experienced with their dementia relative.

Anyway, i hope some of the above makes sense, and any advice etc about anything (DVLA/ scratching/ impatience/ carer support to be honest would be so much appreciated!!

Thanks xx

 

[karaokePete]

Hello @LittlerJ and welcome to the forum. You have come to the right place for information and support.

The best thing to do in this situation is have a chat with your GP to see if a test can be done again, maybe disguised as something like a wellwoman appointment. Many treatable conditions, such as depression, stress, thyroid problems, vitamin deficiencies etc., can cause dementia like symptoms so it's important to have a check-up. Please don't cause additional stress by jumping to the immediate conclusion that it's dementia. On the other hand, if it is dementia then a diagnosis may open up support for you.

Here is a link to a Society Fact sheet about the diagnosis issue. Just click the second line to read or print the document

Assessment and diagnosis (426)
PDF printable version

Now that you have found us I hope you will keep posting as the membership has vast collective knowledge and experience.

BTW, your grandparents are the perfect age for group activities. My wife was diagnosed at 63 and she was too young but now, just 3-4 years later she is happy at her Cay Centre

 

[Ruth1974]

Hi,
So my lovely grandma over the last few years has been suffering with memory loss, it has recently been progressively getting worse unfortunately. We have been to the GPs for annual check ups where she says everything is fine, the GP has come to her house once to do a memory test, which she utterly refused to do, and got extremely angry when she realised what was going on. She did sarcastically answer the questions. A memory clinic nurse/doctor tried to make an appointment whereby she again got very upset and angry.

Over the last few weeks, she has been a bit more open with my Grandad, apologising for forgetting things and makes little jokes about it. My grandparents are really lovely people and do love to socialise, but I dont think they'd like going to groups etc, cause to them they aren't that old and very independent etc. My grandad is 88 in June and my grandma 84 in October.

I'm basically writing on here for some advice/ help, because as a family we are at a real loss of what to do, and really we haven't even got a diagnosis, which is ridiculously for something that's been happening for the last few years. My grandad is troopering on but he is getting older and more tired. And currently he is sleeping in a chair next to my grandma, which is not going to be helping his health at all.

I also notice my grandma has a lot of scabs on her arms, as she scratches herself quite a bit whilst watching TV for example, her hands are always doing something. Not sure if this is dementia related or something anyone has experienced with their dementia relative.

Anyway, i hope some of the above makes sense, and any advice etc about anything (DVLA/ scratching/ impatience/ carer support to be honest would be so much appreciated!!

Thanks xx

Maybe dont focus on the diagnosis? Its not as if they can cure it and maybe she would rather not know?
You can get (i think they are called) twiddle muffs which have lots of sensory things in them that she can play with whilst watching tv.
You can get her a social work assessment without a diagnosis if you feel that care is needed (but she may refuse it). Blood tests etc may be worth having to see if there could be another cause.
There's an online form you can complete anonymously for the dvla if thats a problem.
My o/h had a support worker come and take him for lunch twice a week for a month, then she told him that she couldn't take him but a friend would pick him up in the minibus and he could stay all day....thats how we got him to daycentre-which he loves.
For each symptom there is a way around it! Be creative!

 

[LittlerJ]

Thank you so much for replies. So happy i found this place to get advice etc. We have tried a few times to get the memory clinic people to make appointments at centres, her home and none have really worked. I think because it upsets her so much that "everyone is against her" and going to "dump her in a home", she really closes off and we dont want to upset her.

I agree with the other conditions bit and the GP has done slyly some other tests like the vitamins/thyroid to check they are ok, which they are. So the GP is edging more towards dementia, obviously though a more senior professional needs to diagnose her.

I have tried conviencing both my grandparents to go to groups and been unsuccessful thus far. I completely agree with you Ruth about not focussing on dementia, which we have tried to do for quite a while. Think just because her symptoms are getting worse my Grandad wants to have some clarity that is dementia like everyone thinks.
I will have a look at the twiddle muffs as they sound ideal for my grandma. I will look into the social work assessment as that sounds good, as might help my Grandad a bit even if my grandma doesn't want the help.

The DVLA anonymous form sounds interesting, so will look that up too. Thank you guys x