Hello, my name is Mike and my 83 year old mother has dementia. She lives alone and unfortunately due to the nature of my work I live 300 miles away. She was diagnosed with dementia nearly 2 years ago and recently I’ve noticed a sharp decline in her short term memory. She does not leave the house except for hospital appointments and I do all her shopping online unless I’m visiting. My main worry is that she is not eating enough and that is helping in her decline. She has carers 3 times a day to check on her and give her medication but they obviously can’t force her to eat. I spoke to her when visiting a few months ago and we discussed and agreed upon having a camera in the kitchen so I could make sure she was ok when cooking. It transpires that she doesn’t really cook anything and only has toast a couple of times a day. Can anyone advise on how I can manage this situation any better? Thanks in advance!
General advice
- Thread starter MikeWLFC
- Start date
To be honest I find cooking for one a pain, the food prep time is nearly the same, cooking times are the same pretty much the same too, one less plate, knife and fork to wash up and the pans are a bit smaller maybe, other than that it's pretty much the same as when I was cooking for 2 adults and our 3 children.
As suggested ready meals work for me, fast, no washing up just the cutlery, plus if I buy a few different type of meals there's always something that appeals to me when there is a choice.
Forget healthy eating, not eating is even worse for you. Fortunately I don't have a sweet tooth, but if it came to it "let them eat cake" as someone once said.
K
As suggested ready meals work for me, fast, no washing up just the cutlery, plus if I buy a few different type of meals there's always something that appeals to me when there is a choice.
Forget healthy eating, not eating is even worse for you. Fortunately I don't have a sweet tooth, but if it came to it "let them eat cake" as someone once said.
K
Thanks for all your replies and advice! There are a few issues that make the situation quite tricky, mainly because she is such a fussy eater. She won’t allow the carers to go into the kitchen, never mind help with food prep etc. She definitely won’t have any microwave meals or anything like meals on wheels or similar, partly because she was a cookery teacher for a short time in the 60s and simply doesn’t trust anyone to cook for her. There are a limited number of foods that she will eat and I provide these for her, but she vary rarely does. I think she’s so forgetful now that she believes she has made proper meals when in fact she hasn’t had anything. For example, she told me that she had made herself a roast dinner a couple of days before I visited, but there was no evidence of this, bearing in mind I had done a shop for her a couple of weeks ago and none of the vegetables had been used. She also doesn’t eat meat. Not sure what else I can do or if there are any other options. Please feel free to let me know if you think of anything. Thanks again.
Can you get her a visit to a doctor/nurse to check her weight . Would she respond to an ultimatum from a professional that she may have to go into residential care if she will not allow a carer to at least give her one meal a day. Have you discussed with the carer or agency whether they can help to persuade her, there may be a carer who is either a good cook ( maybe he/she could say they used to be a chef) or just someone who knows how to persuade. Many on the forum find that pwd accept help from carers with persuasion when they will not accept help or persuasion from families.
I think it seems likely that she can no longer cook but would she eat cold foods - chicken ham, smoked salmon with salad vegetables and fruit and crackers/bread - perhaps she might respond to food that seems 'posh' or is labelled gourmet? We tend to think we have to have a proper meal but it is not really necessary, many older people are happier just grazing.
Sorry if you have tried all these (i'm just trying to think of things that might help) but I think at least the situation should be discussed with a medical professional if her health is suffering.
I think it seems likely that she can no longer cook but would she eat cold foods - chicken ham, smoked salmon with salad vegetables and fruit and crackers/bread - perhaps she might respond to food that seems 'posh' or is labelled gourmet? We tend to think we have to have a proper meal but it is not really necessary, many older people are happier just grazing.
Sorry if you have tried all these (i'm just trying to think of things that might help) but I think at least the situation should be discussed with a medical professional if her health is suffering.
Thanks Sue. It’s very hard to persuade her to go anywhere, but I am currently trying to get the GP to do a house call to give her a check up. We had a meeting with the care agency and social services to discuss this and they basically said that they are doing all they can- trying to encourage eating and cooking, suggesting help with prep etc, but she will not accept these. As she won’t eat meat cold foods are very limited. I can’t get her to eat any salad at all and the fresh fruit that she says she likes and that I buy for her she doesn’t eat!
I‘m starting to feel that she will not be able to stay at home for much longer unless this situation changes, but obviously this is a very hard decision to make and one I would prefer to avoid if possible.
I‘m starting to feel that she will not be able to stay at home for much longer unless this situation changes, but obviously this is a very hard decision to make and one I would prefer to avoid if possible.
My mum only ate toast for quite a while,it was the only thing she knew how to access. Even with live in carers, she would not eat the food they made for her and would hide it so they thought she has finished. Mum only started eating properly again nice she went into residential care and she went from stick thin to several sizes bigger which meant she was no longer as frail and had more energy. If you were near by I would say pop over and eat with her but you can’t , I was 300 miles away so I know what it is like. Maybe it is time to look at residential care.
Hi Mike, it sounds like there may be a few things going on there that I have experienced previously.
Firstly, your mum may in fact think she is cooking and eating when she is not (Confusion).
Secondly she may not even realize it herself, but may be beginning to struggle to chew and/or swallow some foods (Dysphagia).
Also she may be simply forgetting how to prepare foods, and/or eat them properly.
If you can visit her, I would try cooking up some of her favorite meals but make them pureed, soft or fork mashable, and see if she will eat them with a little assistance from you, or a carer. You may find she suddenly starts eating more. If so, you could batch cook different soft meals, spoon portions into food moulds, freeze and then store in labelled freezer bags, that way all the carers need to do is defrost and gently warm portions as needed, and your mum will still be getting her favorite homemade meals in an easier format.
If that's not an option you may have to get more outside help in the way of ready meals and further assistance for your mum.
