forgetfulness versus hallucinations?

[smoothound]

Hi folks, sorry it's long

My wife and I have a problem. On a regular basis I will refer to a previous conversation I believe we have had - and my wife says that the conversation never happened.

I think I recall all the details of the conversation when, where it took place - who said what and what the outcome was etc - and I believe my wife has simply forgotten.

My wife however, is totally convinced that I am imagining that we had the conversation - that I really believe we had the chat - but that it never took place.

Occasionally, I have tried to stand-by-my-guns on this describing in full the conversation - with the hope something will trigger her memory.

But the outcome is always the same - my wife gets increasingly furious with me for not admitting its all in my imagination - so eventually - for the sake of peace - I say its all my fault and that I must have got confused - even though inside I have a complete memory of the chat etc.

This is no way pacifies my wife, who after a tirade - will resort to cold shouldering me and repeatedly reminds my that is really is my fault and not her forgetting. - this 'doghouse' can last a couple of days or so from a single incident.

As a result, when we chat, if I notice the slightest hint on her face that she does not recall a conversation I refer to - whether or not it may have been 'imagined' by me - I immediately capitulate - and try to head-off the argument by apologising for getting confused - taking it all on myself.

Sometimes however, I make the mistake of not noticing in time - and maybe say something like - remember we we chatted about this earlier- and the fury starts - and no matter how quickly I back down - it always escalates as described.

Please advise - has anyone had this kind of experience before? - Is there any rule-of-thumb as to which is more likely - her forgetfulness or my hallucinations?

I intend to talk to my doctor about myself - but please don't suggest to ask my wife to discuss with her doctor - it would be armageddon!!

Any advice most appreciated

Many thanks

Al

 

[marionq]

Sadly this scenario is more likely to reduce communication between you. Who wants to talk to an angry person? The best help would be more outside socialising eg through day centres. I wish I had started this earlier for my husband as it has been so helpful in giving us a break from each other and keeping him busy with lots of stimulation.

Also look at what Alz Groups are in your area through your local website where you can go together but meet other people.

 

[The Chewtor]

Hi Al.
I may be reading your post completely wrong and not understanding which of you has the potential problem but I can give you my experience.

For some 5 years before MY diagnosis of vascular dementia and alzheimer's, I often agrued to death that a conversation had taken place which I clearly and concisely 'remembered'. Often we argued about what I thought I had heard or what I thought I had said. There were no doubts in my mind that my recall of these conversations were precise and clear. Over time as other symptoms kicked in it became more and more clear I was mistaken all along.

Good luck with whatever way this goes.

Wayne

 

[Alicenutter]

Maybe go and see your doctor alone? Or email/fax him/her to let them know of your concerns? The problem is your wife literally CANNOT remember the conversation so for her it's just crazy that you're talking about something that as far as she's concerned did not happen. You're apologizing and taking the blame is a great tactic; it makes her feel better, and what do you lose? You gain in fact; peace and quiet is what you gain. And that's priceless.


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[Rich PCA Carer]

I suppose the question is whether your wife forgets anything else, or you hallucinate about anything else. If your wife has memory problems she can't only be forgetting your conversations, she must be forgetting a lot of other things and her anger may be because she does realise this, but is simply desperate not to accept it.

Memory problems can be caused by other things such as stress, depression, infections, deficiencies etc. All of these have to be ruled out first,a but if your wife has early stage dementia, she would not be just having memory problems, she would be having other cognitive issues which would show up in difficulties doing complex tasks, such as following recipes, using a computer, driving, etc. If she is avoiding any of these, that may also be an indication that she has noticed something.

I suggest you do discuss it with your doctor. Keep making notes of things you notice and do what you can to keep the peace.

Best wishes.




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[Shedrech]

Hi smoothound
I think you are dealing with the situation really well - life is certainly more settled if rages can be avoided - I must admit with dad, I banned myself from using the word 'remember' and other memory terms (failed at times, but did pretty well)
as you mentioned this concern in December, I guess things haven't improved
I'd keep a diary over a few weeks just making notes of what you both do and any concerns you have (no great emoting or long sentences) - that way you may have a record to compare with your memory and you have a note of any other issues that arise
then you can chat with your own GP about yourself and your worries for your wife, which impact on your welfare - you may also pass on your record to your wife's GP, who may not talk about it with you but has to take notice of any info you pass on - s/he may be able to organise a well woman appointment?
best wishes to you both