Hi every one as ive got a best of interest meeting with social serveses and care workers from the home were my wife of 25 years been since last week what i want to no is at certaian times of the day my wife nos what she wants and were she wants to live and says it to me but the only side these people have seen is when she is all confused aspecialy when they turn up and start talking openly about my wife dementia and whats best for in front of her like she dontent exist and not there when i no she might be quiet just sitting there but she can hear here every thing and takes on board as she realeats parts of of what they have bee n saying later on and the next even and thefe the people ile be up against at the meeting so called profesionals but realy no nothing about dementia and how every ones diffrent and thefe condition they go with it from what they have read in books and seen on tv so they do things the proper way and that there way or thats how it seems sometimes i hope ime wrong but to no dementia and alzheimers etc you have to be with 24/7 to fully anderstand it like i been for the last 10 years but ide do for another 10 not thinking of it as some i have to do as its my duty but becouse its the norm as i no my wife so well i no what she thinking well before she says it so am allways one step ahead and prepaired for whats aout to happen next with her and the dementia any way got a bit carried away with this one as it comeing from the heart what i want to no is when ive been sat with wife and she been very much with it and whats happening around her and holding a conversation with me which does not happen much but these special times make up for the other times well ive had my phone on record mode with out letting her no so theres no prompting or pretending ive recorded our talks and my wife saying were she wants live and thats with me how she dont realy like the home becouse people there aint quite with it as there is all sorts going on aspecialy when most like my wife to are sundowning as they call it. But can these voice recordings be played to the pannel who will decide whats best for my wife so they no what she wants and were she wants to be and who with etc also does this show that she has got capasecty as she did when i recorded her talking to me ive also taped her singing and saying how happy she is and who i am how we are married and she has my surname . Becouse to me thats the proof she has got capasety exuse my spelling. Like if you commit a crime they interview you in a room and tape the interview for evedence thats why this is clled for the benifit of the tape. Please can some one give me a bit of info on what ive said thanks.
For the benifit of the tape.
- Thread starter Big feet pete.
- Start date
I don’t know whether you could use a tape or not. It is not a criminal proceeding so it’s not going to be illegal, is it? I just wonder if the professionals would really take it into consideration, because they cannot see what was going on at the time and they might think she was being prompted?
I am sure you will get more replies, and will find out what other people think.
I am sure you will get more replies, and will find out what other people think.
Hi BFP,
It certainly is NOT illegal to make such recordings but is up to the panel if they want to hear them and how much sway they put on anything said.
There are people on here that have employed an independent Social Worker to compile a report.
It certainly is NOT illegal to make such recordings but is up to the panel if they want to hear them and how much sway they put on anything said.
There are people on here that have employed an independent Social Worker to compile a report.
Hi
I’m thinking you have nothing to loose. It could prompt them to consider things differently or get them to spend more time with your dear wife.
I wonder if they may stupidly dismiss it saying you didn’t get her permission to record, you know personal privacy stuff, human rights.
etc. Should they ignore it, make sure you have your note book with all the facts written down with dates if you can. I always take my note book and tell them I am making notes, given I cannot remember everything and it reminds me to ask the questions I have. One doctor once said ‘are you going to sue me’ I replied ‘no, but what makes you ask that, should I have reason to’
I so hate it when the ‘professionals’ speak like that in front of loved ones. I make a point of bringing Mum into the conversation so they know she is there, plain rude in my book how they do it. x
I’m thinking you have nothing to loose. It could prompt them to consider things differently or get them to spend more time with your dear wife.
I wonder if they may stupidly dismiss it saying you didn’t get her permission to record, you know personal privacy stuff, human rights.
etc. Should they ignore it, make sure you have your note book with all the facts written down with dates if you can. I always take my note book and tell them I am making notes, given I cannot remember everything and it reminds me to ask the questions I have. One doctor once said ‘are you going to sue me’ I replied ‘no, but what makes you ask that, should I have reason to’
I so hate it when the ‘professionals’ speak like that in front of loved ones. I make a point of bringing Mum into the conversation so they know she is there, plain rude in my book how they do it. x
I also have a couple of our conversations on vidio were i have been vidioing her singing and being happy so i can post them to her brothers on line who are quite some way away she has 4 brothers by the way who she brourght up dressing them taking them to school cooking etc as her mum werent around much and her Dad worked bless her any way on these she talks inbween songs ssying all them things but its on vidio not taped and you can see its her saying what she thinks at the time as singing and music realy gets her back to reality and you can see there is no prompting thanks any other replies would help.
Hi BFP,
It certainly is NOT illegal to make such recordings but is up to the panel if they want to hear them and how much sway they put on anything said.
There are people on here that have employed an independent Social Worker to compile a report.
Yes ive thourght about that one to any humen rights that one for my wife as well if they take away her libety to do what she likes and that going out for a drive with me and singing t the radio what ever time of day or night like she has done for years its keped her going the last 10 yers even thougth she has dementia and cant see becouse of spatial awarnes. Linked to the dementia its the only thing she has now that she loves doing so much it brings tears to your eyes just seeing big smile and how content she is so if they take that asay from her it would be so cruel annd upseti ng now thats were she should have humen rights i think sorry the whole siteration just makes me want to go GRAAAA.
Thats just what i think it doent help the likes of your M um or my wife iver hearing them talk about them like that i no i wouldent someone talking about whats best for me in front of me acting like ime not there Rude thats an understatement thanks avain
I think it's difficult to provide too much advice without more background information but on your other thread there have been some good suggestions with regards to taking someone with you to the meeting: https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/thr...well-and-thefe-strangers.105306/#post-1465211
People with dementia do tend to have fluctuating levels of capacity so I'm not sure how much weight would be placed on a recording, plus might playing that in front of your wife upset her? Without knowing the background to the meeting it's difficult to know what's going to be discussed but you can ask that part is conducted without your wife being there if it will cause her upset. I attended a best interests meeting in respect of my Mum and she was not present and I've also attended other meetings about Mum with social services/NHS staff and have specifically asked if I could speak with them without Mum being there to avoid upset to her and they have agreed to this. Worth you asking about this.
It must be very hard for you to be separated from your wife after so many years caring for her and I see from your other post that you are spending 12 hours a day every day at the care home. Just a suggestion, but if your wife is going to be there for a while longer it may be worth cutting down your visits a bit as they may not be helping your wife to settle, plus you have to think of your own health too. Hope the meeting goes well, and as posted on your other thread, try to stay calm and find out exactly why social services feel that it is better for your wife to be in a care home rather than at home.
People with dementia do tend to have fluctuating levels of capacity so I'm not sure how much weight would be placed on a recording, plus might playing that in front of your wife upset her? Without knowing the background to the meeting it's difficult to know what's going to be discussed but you can ask that part is conducted without your wife being there if it will cause her upset. I attended a best interests meeting in respect of my Mum and she was not present and I've also attended other meetings about Mum with social services/NHS staff and have specifically asked if I could speak with them without Mum being there to avoid upset to her and they have agreed to this. Worth you asking about this.
It must be very hard for you to be separated from your wife after so many years caring for her and I see from your other post that you are spending 12 hours a day every day at the care home. Just a suggestion, but if your wife is going to be there for a while longer it may be worth cutting down your visits a bit as they may not be helping your wife to settle, plus you have to think of your own health too. Hope the meeting goes well, and as posted on your other thread, try to stay calm and find out exactly why social services feel that it is better for your wife to be in a care home rather than at home.
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