Financial Ruin??

[tiddy]

How do I keep my mother from going into financial ruin??


She has suddenly had the idea to withdraw all of her money out of the bank at an alarming pace because she suddenly has the idea to pay everything with cash, to gift great grands (never gifted before) for Christmas, and has decided to forgo paying and tipping with debit nor writing checks because she has the idea that everyone is too busy and it's an inconvenience for anyone to go the bank. Last month she withdrew a substantial amount and lost, threw away, misplaced, or had it stolen ( i am still unable to find it).


Yesterday, she asked her son to withdraw $300 for her because she feels she must have money in the house... "To do things". She is also adamant that she has been withdrawing money from her account every month for years because she feels uncomfortable without having cash in the house.


My mom has always been verbally abusive, bullying, uncaring at times and very narcissist towards me the entire 30 years I've come to live with her... as well as her family (foster child).. so, when i try to approach the subject delicately and try to help her understand that we use online banking to pay her bills, and online shopping to purchase what is needed, that also it is important to have a proper accurate account of things and track of her expenses... that it's important for that money to remain in the bank...

i also bring it to her attention that combative. Need it at home, because she doesn't maintain an active outdoor lifestyle anymore, and she seldom is outside. only to go to her doctors' appointments... rarely go on outings with family. That it's best to write checks, or use debit.

She becomes very argumentative and combative. often insulting me. She tells me that this is her house, that she can do with her money as she pleases, and that if i don't like it i can leave, as i don't pay bills because of unemployment and disability.


if i really try to reason with her and she doesn't care for what I've said, she'll say that she can understand why my biological family never wanted me, that i have no friends or spouse, because they would "delete" me.



i don't know what to do. This month so far she has withdrawn $600. Her last bills for the month are automatically deducted next week, totaling $300 and we have yet to purchase groceries.



what should i do??

 

[Kevinl]

Hi tiddy and welcome.
The use of the dollar sign and a couple of spellings make me wonder if you're posting from the USA?
Not an issue at all, but if so it might affect the advise you get.
Don't have a problem with Americans, my late mom was one.
K

 

[canary]

Im afraid that hoarding, and/or giving money away is absolutely classic mid-stage dementia behaviour. My mum was exactly the same - she would keep going to the bank and withdrawing the maximum amount. A lot of it I found hidden around the house after she moved into a care home and once when she was picked up wandering she was found to have £700 in cash, loose in her pockets, but a lot of it was lost and I never found what she had done with it. My OH went through a stage of giving large amounts of money away with no concept of the fact that we would need this money.

It is happenning because they are losing the understanding of how finances work. They know that they need money, but dont understand banks, so they want cash. They keep going to the bank to get money that they can see it and know where it is so that they feel secure, but then they dont know what happens to the money and they want more.

The only solution is to control their access to cash, In UK this would be with a Power of Attorney, or deputyship, but if you are not in UK Im not not sure what would be the equivalent.