Family members and dementia

[KenC]

I am enjoying myself at my daugters, but I am having problems with my Son in law, as he can not understand that I have forgotten how to do many diy jobs.

He still attempts to get me to do jobs, or help him out of a hole, when I am struggling to work things out on my own.

I find this distressing, because for some reason he can not understand what is happening to me, or is trying to plead ignorance.

I know that I was an engineer, but most of my job and training is something from the past, and it gets very upsetting when I have to try to work things out, just for him.

He is completely hopeless at many diy jobs, but will not accept this.

This also causes upset between himself and his wife "our Daughter"as she can see I am struggling, but even she can not get through to him.

Ken

 

[jenniferpa]

Ken I am so sorry that your SIL is being so difficult about this. I was wondering: is it possible that he for some reason thinks he mind be helping you by asking you to help him? Some people do this with the best of intentions, failing to realize just how distressing and disturbing it can be. Mind you, you say it's causing friction between him and your daughter so it does sound like it's just general obliviousness on his part.

I think all you can do is refuse point blank - this sort of stress is not good for you, and just let everyone else argue about it. I understand it can be very upsetting when your family are arguing over you, but if you have to look out for you.

 

[Jo1958]

Ken, hi
I'm so sorry you have having this problem too, hubby is in the same situation with his son who seems to think that all that is needed is an interesting project and his dad will be right as rain again. Hubby was also an engineer all his working life.
My heart goes out to you as there isn't an easy answer.
Hi, from hubby who is sitting next to me and agreeing that it is an extremely frustrating situation.
Best wishes, Jo

 

[KenC]

I suppose the problem is that while we attempt to stay active, and keep attempting to do jobs which came as natural for many years, we are only hanging on to something which is slipping away from us, and becoming harder to work out let alone do.

It is distressing at times not being able to do all the jobs that we used to do on a daily basis, but some bystanders and family members, simply do not understand the situation and think they are helping us to remember something that is probably better left alone.

If we can not work it out ourselves, why push us to remember something which could be better done by others, and probably a lot safer for all concerned.