Hello
My father who is in his mid eighties, was diagnosed with Altzeimer's dementia last year. My mother, his first wife died a few years ago and unbeknown to us, he met a lady on holiday last year, and immediately got engaged to her. They met up again on another holiday cruise ship and tried to marry, but the boat would not allow the marriage. They announced on their return at new year that they were getting married and she would move to live with him in March after two more 6 week cruises. They had never lived together other than on cruise boats.
From the time the situation became known to the family. our father wanted little more to do with us, and the lady he had met took over complete control of him. She is regular contact with her own family it seems.
To keep this brief, the Social Services keep us informed of his mental and physical state, and he has now deteriorated significantly and is in a poor state of health mentally and physically. They married in secret recently.
I have visited my father several times this year as he lives abroad and tried to set up personal washing, cleaning etc to try to help him, but this lady has sent social services away and keeps complete control of my father and all of his affairs, despite saying herself that she is not a carer. This situation has now been subsequently revised at the recommendation it seems by social services after one of his falls, and he is now washed, but only once a week by a health visitor from social services.
The family hired solicitors this year to pursue a Guardianship order to protect our father, with an Advocate as Guardian and myself, my brother and this lady as a family counsel. Initially my father agreed this was a good idea, and this was witnessed. We obtained a signed affidavit from my father's GP stating the extent of my father's mental demise, and the GP said that Guardianship should be pursued as my father had dementia and Parkinson's Disease and would never recover, and was clearly 'dementing', and unable to manage his affairs. I have the original copy of this affidavit sworn in front of the Advocate on 1st March 2019 which goes into detail about my father's strange behaviour and incidences which have occurred over the last 12 months.
My father and this lady then refused to meet with our solicitors, and for some reason our solicitors recommended we should not now go ahead as my father's GP was not a mental health expert. We nevertheless incurred a five thousand pound bill with the solicitors, and at their recommendation Guardianship was dropped.
My father has regular falls and is in poor health now. The family phone regularly and this lady always vets his calls and he is reluctant to speak to us. He has managed to meet his solicitors to change his wills as witnessed by the same doctor who swore the affidavit above, and does not authorise the contents to be known to his family. His previous will left all his estate to his sons, and although marriage does not automatically revoke previous wills where he lives, we do not now know who our family's estate is now to be left to. It seems that we may have to contest his wills when that time comes.
I know that this is a very particular situation which appertains to our family, but the problem of coercion and vulnerable elderly people with dementia is tragically a general one which may sadly affect many families, particularly those with considerable estates. There is very little help available for families unless they have the financial means to instruct expensive lawyers to represent them.
Saddest of all is that my father is now largely immobile and in a precarious state according to social services who do keep the family updated, but we can now do little to help him to live the rest of his life in a dignified and caring manner surrounded by his family.
My father who is in his mid eighties, was diagnosed with Altzeimer's dementia last year. My mother, his first wife died a few years ago and unbeknown to us, he met a lady on holiday last year, and immediately got engaged to her. They met up again on another holiday cruise ship and tried to marry, but the boat would not allow the marriage. They announced on their return at new year that they were getting married and she would move to live with him in March after two more 6 week cruises. They had never lived together other than on cruise boats.
From the time the situation became known to the family. our father wanted little more to do with us, and the lady he had met took over complete control of him. She is regular contact with her own family it seems.
To keep this brief, the Social Services keep us informed of his mental and physical state, and he has now deteriorated significantly and is in a poor state of health mentally and physically. They married in secret recently.
I have visited my father several times this year as he lives abroad and tried to set up personal washing, cleaning etc to try to help him, but this lady has sent social services away and keeps complete control of my father and all of his affairs, despite saying herself that she is not a carer. This situation has now been subsequently revised at the recommendation it seems by social services after one of his falls, and he is now washed, but only once a week by a health visitor from social services.
The family hired solicitors this year to pursue a Guardianship order to protect our father, with an Advocate as Guardian and myself, my brother and this lady as a family counsel. Initially my father agreed this was a good idea, and this was witnessed. We obtained a signed affidavit from my father's GP stating the extent of my father's mental demise, and the GP said that Guardianship should be pursued as my father had dementia and Parkinson's Disease and would never recover, and was clearly 'dementing', and unable to manage his affairs. I have the original copy of this affidavit sworn in front of the Advocate on 1st March 2019 which goes into detail about my father's strange behaviour and incidences which have occurred over the last 12 months.
My father and this lady then refused to meet with our solicitors, and for some reason our solicitors recommended we should not now go ahead as my father's GP was not a mental health expert. We nevertheless incurred a five thousand pound bill with the solicitors, and at their recommendation Guardianship was dropped.
My father has regular falls and is in poor health now. The family phone regularly and this lady always vets his calls and he is reluctant to speak to us. He has managed to meet his solicitors to change his wills as witnessed by the same doctor who swore the affidavit above, and does not authorise the contents to be known to his family. His previous will left all his estate to his sons, and although marriage does not automatically revoke previous wills where he lives, we do not now know who our family's estate is now to be left to. It seems that we may have to contest his wills when that time comes.
I know that this is a very particular situation which appertains to our family, but the problem of coercion and vulnerable elderly people with dementia is tragically a general one which may sadly affect many families, particularly those with considerable estates. There is very little help available for families unless they have the financial means to instruct expensive lawyers to represent them.
Saddest of all is that my father is now largely immobile and in a precarious state according to social services who do keep the family updated, but we can now do little to help him to live the rest of his life in a dignified and caring manner surrounded by his family.
