Expert Q&A on preparing for Christmas - Thursday 8 December, 3-4pm

[HarrietD]

As wonderful a time as Christmas can be, when you're affected by dementia it can also bring challenges and difficult feelings, such as stress, anxiety and loneliness.

Our next Q&A will be on the topic of preparing for Christmas. Sandra from our National Dementia Helpline will be answering your questions on Thursday 8 December from 3-4pm.

The session will take place on this thread.

If you have any questions you'd like to ask, you can post them here before the session, or if you prefer you can email your question to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'd be happy to ask them on your behalf.

Thanks everyone

 

[HarrietD]

Hi everyone, and welcome to our Q&A session on preparing for Christmas. As Christmas approaches, we're keen to hear what you'd like to ask. Sandra, our Helpline Adviser, will be answering your questions today. Welcome, Sandra!

 

[Sandra_H]

Hello it is a pleasure to be here this afternoon. I hope I can answer as many questions as possible and you find the next hour useful.

 

[HarrietD]

I'll kick us off with the first question that's come through via email:

We have a large family and I'm worried that my dad is going to feel overwhelmed with so many people. Is there anything I can do to help make things as stress-free as possible for him?

 

[Sandra_H]

Christmas is a very busy time of the year and can be overwhelming for many people and even more so for someone who has the challenges of dementia to contend with. Changes in environment will heighten confusion, so try to allow for this and try to limit too much exposure to too much noise and situations where someone might feel uncomfortable surrounded by too many people.
Anything that is familiar to your loved one will help they feel more relaxed and distract them. Old photographs are a good distraction.
Ultimately let them guide you in terms of this discomfort. If they seem unsettled gently reassure them - gentle reassurance and patience goes a long way.

 

[HarrietD]

Thanks Sandra, that's so helpful. Here's the next question that was emailed to us:

My mum went into a care home a few months ago, and seems to have settled in well. This will be the first year she's been in care, and I'm not sure whether to bring her to our house for Christmas like we've always done in the past, or visit her in the home.

I'm worried that she'll get anxious if we bring her back, but equally I don't want to leave her on her own on Christmas Day. What do you think?

 

[Sandra_H]

Hello. It is good to hear your mother has settled well in her new environment. It stands to reason you would want to have her back for Christmas but if she has settled well, it might unfortunately cause her confusion to come back home for a short period of time.
I think it will be useful to discuss the matter directly with the home itself and with their guidance I hope it will help you draw your own conclusions as to what would be in your mothers best interests.
The other thing to note is the home itself will be helping your mum and the other residents to celebrate the festive season. There is really no need to feel guilty as you can still help her celebrate but it might be more suitable to do so in her new and well settled surroundings. The time together is more important than whether she comes back home because coming back home might prove stressful for both her and yourselves. I hope this helps but if you want to discuss this matter please call the helpline direct on tel: 0300 2221122.

 

[HarrietD]

Here's another question that came into the TP inbox:

This Christmas will be my first one after losing my partner to dementia. I'm hosting it for my family, but I'm feeling lost at the moment, and I'm not sure how I'm going to be able to put on a brave face for them. Can you help?

 

[Sandra_H]

I am sorry to hear about your loss but it sounds like you are doing a really brave and wonderful thing to get everyone together to celebrate during the festive period.
Grief is such a personal thing and something some people never fully get over - please don't feel you need to put on a brave face. If you feel sad and overwhelmed it is important to get support from those nearest and dearest to you.
Realistically 1 year is a short period of time and it is very brave of you to try to connect with the rest of your family like this and keep a sense of normality.
It might be helpful to acknowledge your loss with your family and saying a special toast in memory to your partner. I hope you and your family have a good Christmas despite your loss.
Please call us on the helpline if you need extra support on the telephone number given previously.

 

[HarrietD]

That's brilliant, thanks Sandra. Another question that's been emailed is below:

I'm not sure what to get for my husband that would be appropriate for me and our children to get him as Christmas gifts. I really want to get him things that he can still take pleasure in, but I'm struggling with ideas. Do you have any suggestions?

 

[Geof]

Hello Sandra,
My wife went in to a Care Home 7 months ago. We have no family and this will be our first Christmas apart. I thought I was doing quite well but as Christmas approaches I find that I am becoming more emotional. The CH have invited me to have Christmas lunch with my wife and the other residents but I am terrified of not being able to hold it together.

 

[Sandra_H]

Hello and thank you for your message. This is a question we hear a lot on the helpline but I think the best approach with present buying is to stay true to what an individual likes in terms of hobbies and interests. Practical gifts are always useful but so too are gifts that provide stimulation and pleasure. It is important it you are buying a stimulating gift it is not going to be something that is beyond that individuals capabilities, subject to their dexterity, etc.
There are a few websites that are helpful for ideas, our own Alzheimer Society online shop is definitely worth looking at. Please look at the link below:
https://shop.alzheimers.org.uk/

In addition, Winslow is a good resource to look at as well. Details below:
http://www.winslowresources.com/

Have a good Christmas and I hope you find all the above helpful.

 

[HarrietD]

Hi Geof, thanks for joining us today - Sandra is just writing a reply to your question.

 

[Sandra_H]

Hello Sandra,
My wife went in to a Care Home 7 months ago. We have no family and this will be our first Christmas apart. I thought I was doing quite well but as Christmas approaches I find that I am becoming more emotional. The CH have invited me to have Christmas lunch with my wife and the other residents but I am terrified of not being able to hold it together.

Hello Geoff, thank you for getting in touch and sharing your situation.
The unknown is scary and daunting and celebrating your first Christmas in this way is new to both you and your wife.
Try to focus on the positives, which are that you will still be sharing Christmas together and potentially surrounded by new friends. You will still be able to have quality time with your wife and enjoy the time together rather than some of the harder aspects of being her full-time carer.
Please feel free to phone us on the helpline to discuss this matter more with us if you feel it will help you and if it helps let us know how your Christmas day went at the Care Home. We are here to support you and please do not feel alone with these feelings. I hope both you and your wife have a wonderful time together.

 

[HarrietD]

Ok, it's time to bring today's Q&A to a close - thanks to everyone who asked questions, and a special thanks to Sandra for kindly offering your time and expertise today

 

[Sandra_H]

Thank you for having me and I wish you all a Merry Christmas. Bye for now and hope to speak with you all again soon.