Encouraging Mum it's time to move to residential.

[tams717]

Right now me and siblings don't get to do anything fun with Mum. She lives in her own home, we lost my Dad last year and the decline has been rapid.

We only got an official diagnosis in December, but have had carers going in for a year to prepare meals for Mum, otherwise she won't eat.

She wanders in and out of the house from 5am until dark taking bits of rubbish out. She regular throws away food, has forgotten how to use the washing machine. Recently got a cat (not my idea) and we have to care for it for her (litter changes etc), and I am in charge of her bills and finances, insurances etc.

She gets confused easily and forgets that we've had Dad's funeral, forgets who is buried in his grave, thinks their house is an heirloom house (it isnt) and regularly causes dramas that I have to go and sort out.

I've got a young baby and haven't been able to enjoy much of my mat leave because I have to run to Mum's 5/6 times a week to sort out her; unplugging everything, hiding light bulbs or controls, breaking her phone, refusing food, throwing away all her food etc etc.

I'm the closest so siblings can't help as quickly but I'm back to work in a couple of months and won't be able to do as much as I am.

Mum has health concerns worsened by not eating, that can put her in hospital. And constantly cries on the phone about how lonely she is. She can't live with any of us due to room, or jobs that require a good night's sleep e.g. surgery, and I also work from home.

One of my siblings is on board that Mum would do better in a home with people around to chat to, she can be monitored with food and given proper diet, and then we can focus on doing fun things with Mum like taking her out for the day or spending quality time with her rather than hunting down hidden things or dealing with paperwork/housework etc.

Is this a realistic thought or in your experience do loved ones decline in homes?

Thank you

 

[Grannie G]

It`s absolutely a realistic thought @tams717

I`m sure your mother would be much happier among people who can be with her all day and where she will have all her needs met.

It doesn`t sound as if she is doing well where she is now even though you are doing your best to help her.

Have you asked Social Services for an assessment of needs?

Social care and support guide

If you or someone you know needs help with day-to-day living because of illness or disability, this website explains your options and where you can get support.

www.nhs.uk

 

[cobden 28]

If your Mum is unable to properly care for her cat, ie by not changing its litter tray regularly, is she also not looking after the cat properly in other ways? Such as forgetting to feed it sometimes, not taking it to the vet etc?

 

[tams717]

It`s absolutely a realistic thought @tams717

I`m sure your mother would be much happier among people who can be with her all day and where she will have all her needs met.

It doesn`t sound as if she is doing well where she is now even though you are doing your best to help her.

Have you asked Social Services for an assessment of needs?

[

Thank you, I appreciate your reply.

I just want the best for her, I really can't lose another parent so soon. I'm a first time mum in my 30s and the youngest sibling but the one who has always dealt with the big decisions.

I don't want to make the wrong choice if if will make her worse and her decline even quicker.

Social services came out last March and again in September, we arranged the carers through them, but to be honest they were only interested in what mum could and couldn't physically do, not all the nuances of her condition.

We are getting more advice now she has been diagnosed from different charities and ADSS.

I just want Mum to be ok.

Thank you

 

[tams717]

If your Mum is unable to properly care for her cat, ie by not changing its litter tray regularly, is she also not looking after the cat properly in other ways? Such as forgetting to feed it sometimes, not taking it to the vet etc?

Heya thank you for your reply. The cat is always fed, I'm in touch with Mum's carers to make sure on a daily basis but if anything, Mum puts too much food down.

We aren't worried about that though, the cat only eats what she wants.

The cat came from a family member so is all up to date and Mum only got her in August but when it comes to vet visits, we would take the cat.

Mum hasn't driven in years, and even before the disease was noticeable, I did a lot for her. She has been quite reliant on me and my Dad for a number of years, she was never a very confident person and wouldn't do anything alone.

 

[Bfam]

Right now me and siblings don't get to do anything fun with Mum. She lives in her own home, we lost my Dad last year and the decline has been rapid.

We only got an official diagnosis in December, but have had carers going in for a year to prepare meals for Mum, otherwise she won't eat.

She wanders in and out of the house from 5am until dark taking bits of rubbish out. She regular throws away food, has forgotten how to use the washing machine. Recently got a cat (not my idea) and we have to care for it for her (litter changes etc), and I am in charge of her bills and finances, insurances etc.

She gets confused easily and forgets that we've had Dad's funeral, forgets who is buried in his grave, thinks their house is an heirloom house (it isnt) and regularly causes dramas that I have to go and sort out.

I've got a young baby and haven't been able to enjoy much of my mat leave because I have to run to Mum's 5/6 times a week to sort out her; unplugging everything, hiding light bulbs or controls, breaking her phone, refusing food, throwing away all her food etc etc.

I'm the closest so siblings can't help as quickly but I'm back to work in a couple of months and won't be able to do as much as I am.

Mum has health concerns worsened by not eating, that can put her in hospital. And constantly cries on the phone about how lonely she is. She can't live with any of us due to room, or jobs that require a good night's sleep e.g. surgery, and I also work from home.

One of my siblings is on board that Mum would do better in a home with people around to chat to, she can be monitored with food and given proper diet, and then we can focus on doing fun things with Mum like taking her out for the day or spending quality time with her rather than hunting down hidden things or dealing with paperwork/housework etc.

Is this a realistic thought or in your experience do loved ones decline in homes?

Thank you

Best thing we did was move Mum to assisted living - much better than living with us as all were 'frazzled' . She is now kept active and contented, our visits and trips out are enjoyable. A lovely flat in an (ExtraCare) Retirement village that is like a Cruise Ship. 250 apartments with lots of communal spaces. They have a care agency on site, entertainment, restaurant, clubs ... etc also a 'well being' person keeps an eye on everyone and links in with the district nurse. Residents all look after each other and meet up for coffee, bingo .... A Safe environment and they can come and go as they please, the local shops are very supportive too, helped Mum back after a fall. Believe they can take pets but won't allow new ones.

We had no choice but to move another relative who lost his wife(Carer) into a carehome as they needed watching 24/7. Carehome was great, we could visit every day, take out and join in with their entertainment - problems came with getting support from the health services - so this a key question to ask of GP when looking at care homes. Important to understand how the care homes is supported by the community health services - If entitled to Nursing Funded Care, the nurses in the nursing home will plan and coordinate care otherwise, I believe it is the district/specialist nurse or social worker who should provide the care home with health care and treatment plans to delegate any health care (nursing and therapy), including monitoring mental and physical health, to the care workers.
Re. question on declining in care home, my experience not (they could improve) if the care home had enough good/experienced staff to help make their quality of life better, which in the end is what it is all about, that and a 'good' death. Care home were fantastic in the end.
Either way talk to GP/Adult social care as they can assess and advise on where best loved one can be cared for.
Hope this helps