Early dementia and POA

[TigerrrT]

Hello….Looking for any possible advise please?
My Dad has been assessed as early stage dementia, hes 96, lives on his own and is extremely independent. My Dad had a POA set up with my Brothers name on it and since my Dad got his assessment, my Brother has been asking me to fish out all our Dads financial information to tell each company of his dementia! I told my Dad and since, he has used every excuse under the sun not to and is now getting very upset by his Son nagging, because he is still compus mentas enough to hold onto his private financial matters! My Brother asked me again to get sorted, so i told him to call our Dad directly! I then saw my Dad later for our afternoon scrabble games and he brought up my Brother gad called; ‘not interested in how he was BUT wants my financial info’; my Dads words! Again, he was upset but a tad angry this time, as my Dad is a very proud man! Should my Dad be handing all his info now while he still knows 90% of his own mind or should my Brother be getting it? My Dad feels my Brother is very money motivated; again, his words!
Thank you for any advice

 

[silkiest]

Hello….Looking for any possible advise please?
My Dad has been assessed as early stage dementia, hes 96, lives on his own and is extremely independent. My Dad had a POA set up with my Brothers name on it and since my Dad got his assessment, my Brother has been asking me to fish out all our Dads financial information to tell each company of his dementia! I told my Dad and since, he has used every excuse under the sun not to and is now getting very upset by his Son nagging, because he is still compus mentas enough to hold onto his private financial matters! My Brother asked me again to get sorted, so i told him to call our Dad directly! I then saw my Dad later for our afternoon scrabble games and he brought up my Brother gad called; ‘not interested in how he was BUT wants my financial info’; my Dads words! Again, he was upset but a tad angry this time, as my Dad is a very proud man! Should my Dad be handing all his info now while he still knows 90% of his own mind or should my Brother be getting it? My Dad feels my Brother is very money motivated; again, his words!
Thank you for any advice

Hi your dad appears distrustful of your brothers approach to money. I am wondering why your dad set him up as attorney on his POA if this is true. The present POA can always be revoked and new ones organised on gov.co.uk while your dad still has capacity.
Maybe you need to try and discuss your dad’s worries in depth with him - would he feel happier with more than one attorney . If you are doing the majority of the caring your role will become more and more difficult if you are not an attorney. Doctors will not discuss his health with you without POA health, you won’t be able to deal with utilities etc.
If the POA is registered the attorney can act with the donors permission before he looses capacity. You do not need to notify everyone of his dementia, just that you’re acting as an Attorney . We registered mums on application and I started using it immediately more due to her frailty than anything else and gradually took on more things as her capacity decreased

 

[backin]

My mother always told everyone I was stealing from her. It could just be the stage your dad is at
If your brother has poa, why is he asking you to get involved?

 

[TigerrrT]

Hi your dad appears distrustful of your brothers approach to money. I am wondering why your dad set him up as attorney on his POA if this is true. The present POA can always be revoked and new ones organised on gov.co.uk while your dad still has capacity.
Maybe you need to try and discuss your dad’s worries in depth with him - would he feel happier with more than one attorney . If you are doing the majority of the caring your role will become more and more difficult if you are not an attorney. Doctors will not discuss his health with you without POA health, you won’t be able to deal with utilities etc.
If the POA is registered the attorney can act with the donors permission before he looses capacity. You do not need to notify everyone of his dementia, just that you’re acting as an Attorney . We registered mums on application and I started using it immediately more due to her frailty than anything else and gradually took on more things as her capacity decreased

Thank you for your reply; The POA was set up via his Solicitor MUCH to my Brothers dismay, as he’d already readied a set of POA documents without my name on and only his and signed too! At the Solicitor’s office, the Solicitor was new to my Dad, so he was not happy and ill prepared for someone to take over his needs. Whilst I got a moment alone with her, I expressed there were concerns at the time, there was a possibility of dementia, so during the meeting, not only did she manage to go about confusing and making my Dad look like a rabbit in headlights but leave his upset and agitated! I was extremely angry and upset by her antics and she knew it; she also left me feeling like I was a gold digger, because my Dad had asked me to write out questions about certain financial things he wanted asking and my Brother financially motivated too!
Conclusion, she declared my Dad of sound mind and body upon her first ever meeting with him, my Brother an executive with an old friend of my Dads (that he’s not seen in years) and myself and my Brother both placed on the POA! She also stated, she could strip us both off the POA if she felt like it!
On coming out of the Solicitors, my Dad was angry again and wouldn’t talk! I was sooo upset by the whole incident, as all I’ve ever done is care for my Dad and support him unconditionally! I have no interest in my Dads affairs, as in honesty, it’s non of mine or my Brothers business!
I have though stopped my Dad getting financially conned by his last cleaner, as she knew how to twist him round her little finger with sob stories! Stopped my Dad getting scammed online, as he’s not internet savvy sadly and also had to rush to his house with Police in tow, from almost getting conned out of £2k for his gutters an small drive getting cleaned! My Dad is a very sweet kind a gentle man these past few years since he was widowed, so can be easily charmed! My Dad is closer with me, as I’m very local to him, my Brother though is absolutely miles away and makes no effort bar once or twice a year!
Anyway, after the Solicitor meeting, I was so upset and offended and extremely angered, I removed myself from being a POA (could shoot myself now) as I wanted no responsibilities whatsoever with my Dads business but to just be his best friend and scrabble opponent lol and do his cleaning, laundry, take him shopping, trips out UNPAID by anyone, as he’s my Dad ☺️

 

[canary]

Hello @TigerrrT

Unfortunately, from your stories about how easily your dad could get financially scammed, it sounds to me as though he has lost capacity to deal with his own finances. In which case, it doesn't sound unreasonable to me that your brother wants to inform financial companies about your dad's diagnosis.

It is also common, at the stage where they are losing capacity to deal with their finances, that they start to worry about it and think that people are after their money, are stealing from them, or are plotting to take their home away from them.

I found it a very sad stage with mum

 

[TigerrrT]

Hi your dad appears distrustful of your brothers approach to money. I am wondering why your dad set him up as attorney on his POA if this is true. The present POA can always be revoked and new ones organised on gov.co.uk while your dad still has capacity.
Maybe you need to try and discuss your dad’s worries in depth with him - would he feel happier with more than one attorney . If you are doing the majority of the caring your role will become more and more difficult if you are not an attorney. Doctors will not discuss his health with you without POA health, you won’t be able to deal with utilities etc.
If the POA is registered the attorney can act with the donors permission before he looses capacity. You do not need to notify everyone of his dementia, just that you’re acting as an Attorney . We registered mums on application and I started using it immediately more due to her frailty than anything else and gradually took on more things as her capacity decreased

Thank you for your reply; The POA was set up via his Solicitor MUCH to my Brothers dismay, as he’d already readied a set of POA documents without my name on and only his an

My mother always told everyone I was stealing from her. It could just be the stage your dad is at
If your brother has poa, why is he asking you to get involved?

My mother always told everyone I was stealing from her. It could just be the stage your dad is at
If your brother has poa, why is he asking you to get involved?

My Dad has never once thought I’d steal from him 🙏🏼 He is extremely entrusting with me and was quite upset how I felt upon discussing the meeting at the Solicitor’s. My Brother does as little as he can regards input with my Dad BUT the moment I expressed my worries about our Dad possibly having dementia a couple of years ago, BOOM….he was straight on it, getting a set of POA documents arranged and our Dad hadn’t even started his dementia assessment! I have spent my adult life tolerating my Brother and stopped contact with him for 10 yrs, until our Mother passed away but even now, we only have rare contact where our Dad is concerned! My Brother holds inner abandonment grudges against our Dad BUT he caused the issues so….

 

[TigerrrT]

Hello @TigerrrT

Unfortunately, from your stories about how easily your dad could get financially scammed, it sounds to me as though he has lost capacity to deal with his own finances. In which case, it doesn't sound unreasonable to me that your brother wants to inform financial companies about your dad's diagnosis.

It is also common, at the stage where they are losing capacity to deal with their finances, that they start to worry about it and think that people are after their money, are stealing from them, or are plotting to take their home away from them.

I found it a very sad stage with mum

My Dads cleaner had been cleaning at the house from even before my Mother had Dad and the moment she had, even before my Dad showed any signs of dementia, she was sweet talking him and warming him up so to say to get money from him….and turned out, not just my Dad! The computer scam , was a pop up box and also, this happened a couple of years before his dementia assessment began! The only incident concerning my Dad financially, was a couple of VERY persuasive burly Irish men insisting to do my Dads drive and gutters, his neighbour tried to stop them but they threatened him, thus I got called to sort! These men conned over £10k out of elderly residents in the village 🤬
So upon my Brother needing to contact all his financial interests, A) Doesn’t my Dad have to give written consent to my Brother? B) Only need his signed consent to all these establishments or C) Copies of all financial information including statements of account, amounts etc….

 

[TigerrrT]

Hello @TigerrrT

Unfortunately, from your stories about how easily your dad could get financially scammed, it sounds to me as though he has lost capacity to deal with his own finances. In which case, it doesn't sound unreasonable to me that your brother wants to inform financial companies about your dad's diagnosis.

It is also common, at the stage where they are losing capacity to deal with their finances, that they start to worry about it and think that people are after their money, are stealing from them, or are plotting to take their home away from them.

I found it a very sad stage with mum

Ps; They’re not ‘stories’ they’re facts!

 

[SAP]

So upon my Brother needing to contact all his financial interests, A) Doesn’t my Dad have to give written consent to my Brother? B) Only need his signed consent to all these establishments or C) Copies of all financial information including statements of account, amounts etc….

A) no he does not, your brother will need to take the LPA documents and all of his proof of id, in person to each individual establishment and they will send them to their LPA department to be cleared. Then your brother will be shown to be your dads LPA on his accounts (NB sometimes you can do this all on line using the code now available with newer LPAs , however banks mostly still need to do things the old school way )
So B) there is no need for your dad’s signed consent as it is all on the LPA document and unless he signed the section to say that it can not be used unless there is evidence of lack of capacity, your brother can just get on with it.
C) I’m nor sure what you are asking here but once your brother is registered as LPA with banks etc he will be able to access accounts info, possibly on line or ask for statements etc to be sent to him as well.

 

[canary]

Ps; They’re not ‘stories’ they’re facts!

I don't dispute the truth of them.
Are you being accused of making things up? I know only too well what that is like.

 

[TigerrrT]

A) no he does not, your brother will need to take the LPA documents and all of his proof of id, in person to each individual establishment and they will send them to their LPA department to be cleared. Then your brother will be shown to be your dads LPA on his accounts (NB sometimes you can do this all on line using the code now available with newer LPAs , however banks etc still need to do things the old school way )
So B) there is no need for your dad’s signed consent as it is all on the LPA document and unless he signed the section to say that it can not be used upon evidence of lack of capacity, your brother can just get on with it.
C) I’m nor sure what you are asking here but once your brother is registered as LPA with banks etc he will be able to access accounts info, possibly on line or ask for statements etc to be sent to him as well.

Thank you for your time, I’ll pass this info to my Dad 🙏🏼

 

[TigerrrT]

I don't dispute the truth of them.
Are you being accused of making things up? I know only too well what that is like.

Nooo….not all! It’s the fact my Dads not fully trusting my Brother at the mo with his private financial dealings! My Dad trusts me though 🙏🏼 as he knows I have no interest in his business, just hates me beating him at Scrabble lol though I do cheat his scores often to either bump them right up and let him win by 30 odd points lol