Do I tell Mum?? xx

[Mobby]

I'd like to ask a question in which someone MAY be able to answer me or help with PLEASE!!!....
My lovely mum 84 has Alzheimer's (2yrs) she still knows us and can have good conversation in the here and now but repeats withins seconds and forgets within seconds...
We're a very close family and I see mum many times a week , she only lives with my stepdad around the corner ..
Unfortunately I have been diagnosed with breast cancer, (50yrs) I've had the op just before xmas...
We've managed to keep this from mum at the mo thinking that she would just make herself ill with worry ( she is such a worrier) at times this has been very hard not only for me but also brother & sister, we don't keep secrets as a family.. But now I am having to have chemotherapy and just know that mum is picking up on vibes, she knows I've had an operation but not that it's Cancer ... Can anyone suggest how we can approach this or should we just tell mum outright?? It's hard not telling your own mum but we only want what's best for her.. Thanku for reading this...
Xx

 

[jaymor]

Hi Mobby and welcome to TP.

I think you may have answered your own question when you say you only want the best for her. If it is going to upset your Mum and make her anxious then don't tell her the name of your illness.

Of course she is going to see you whilst you are having treatment so perhaps to cover the days when you might be under the weather it would be fine to just tell her the surgeon said you would have bad days, it takes a time to get over an operation.

I wish you a speedy recovery and remember that when dealing with dementia the usual rules of being open and upfront can sometimes make your life and your Mum's a lot hArder than it needs to be.

Jay

 

[brambles]

Hello Mobby,

I am so sorry you have found yourself in this situation with your own illness and your mums.

I know that I am unable to tell my own mum about any family problems or illnesses until they are sorted out as, like yours, she would worry to death and would also be phoning every 5 minutes to see how things are and if there is anything she can do to help. Also she never fully understands and gets several issues muddled together.

I miss so much being able to share problems with her as she was always the first one I would share my news with.

It is a very difficult situation, but my own thoughts would be to give her as little information as possible as if she is stressed it will be harder for you as well. .

I wish you the best of luck with your chemotherapy and I am so sorry that you have the added worry of your mum on top of this,

brambles x

 

[Mobby]

Mum!!

QUOTE=brambles;1042448]Hello Mobby,

I am so sorry you have found yourself in this situation with your own illness and your mums.

I know that I am unable to tell my own mum about any family problems or illnesses until they are sorted out as, like yours, she would worry to death and would also be phoning every 5 minutes to see how things are and if there is anything she can do to help. Also she never fully understands and gets several issues muddled together.

I miss so much being able to share problems with her as she was always the first one I would share my news with.

It is a very difficult situation, but my own thoughts would be to give her as little information as possible as if she is stressed it will be harder for you as well. .

I wish you the best of luck with your chemotherapy and I am so sorry that you have the added worry of your mum on top of this,

brambles x[/QUOTE]


Thanku so much Jay and brambles for your replys, I really appreciate your comments, and agree with both , I will continue to tell mum small bits but IF I lose my hair it may become a little more stressful... Oh this has all come at a bad time as I luv to see my mum so much but I just feel I'm lieing all the time to her ( but yes I guess) in the long run it is better.. Thanx again .. Sx

 

[2jays]

Suggestions.....

Such a shame that hair dye you used made your hair fall out.... It should grow back very soon.... But I've found these lovely scarves until it does.....

That little problem has been sorted but boy I feel tired. Amazing how a bout of flu can make you so rough

Chemo or radiation ain't fun at the best of times... Add to the mix trying to protect someone else that's when love lies of what ever you call them are needed. Not only to protect mum, but you too.

It's not lying. It would be if mum was totally able to understand... But she can't can she.

Hugs xx


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point