My mom, 73, is in the middle-late stages of dementia and lives in a care home (which she doesn't like). She's on both antidepressants and dopaquel to try to help with her moods - the drugs have shown some improvement day-to-day, but she still complains about her life in care. She has stage IV cancer (colorectal with liver metastases) and recently underwent 6 months of palliative chemo. From the outset, the doctors made it clear the chemo wasn't going to be curative. Even at the time (her dementia wasn't as bad, then), and despite clear explanations from the doctors, me etc. she believed she would be cured. Now, the chemo is at an end and the CT scan results are in - showing the disease is slowed, a little, but that the primary tumours are in fact at little larger than they were. My mother's oncologist wants to explain the progress and overall treatment situation to my mother, but I'm hesitant. We've also been using the line "You can leave here when the doctor says you can" (meaning the care home), so I think she's been holding out hope of recovery, so she can leave. Is it right to withold information about the reality of her disease from her? She can still talk fairly sensibly on good days. Or should we just defer/redirect or keep on delaying, saying the results aren't in yet and hope she forgets? Any advice very welcome!
Dementia and cancer outlook - should I tell my mom the truth?
- Thread starter Eva18
- Start date
Hi sorry you had to deal with another devastating news. Personally if it was my mum I would still involve her, if like my mum she would probably forget and not remember her diagnosis. . Do you know why she doesn't like this care home, would you consider moving her to care home to suit her needs or environment and future palliative needs?
Its horrid these dilemmas isn't it? You never know which way to turn. I'm sure what ever you decision, you made it because you love you mum. Best of luck
Its horrid these dilemmas isn't it? You never know which way to turn. I'm sure what ever you decision, you made it because you love you mum. Best of luck
If Mum is in middle-late stages then, despite days she can talk sensibly, I would imagine that she would have little understanding of her situation however the Oncologist explained it. I am just going by what my husband is like and there may be just a couple of words she will pick up on and become quite distressed by her diagnosis. I personally wouldn't tell her and just keep deferring as you are now. She is having to stay in the care home so best to concentrate on trying to settle her there. I understand it is easy to say but difficult to deal with.
