Dad phoning constantly

[Angel75]

Hi
Just after some advise as I'm new to this.
My dad has been in a care home since last October.
He's is being tested for dementia as his behaviour is becoming very challenging.
He is getting aggressive, he's very manipulative and paranoid. He wonders around at night and phones me and my sister around 10 times a day but forgets he's phoned.
If we ask him about anything he changes his stories constantly and blames everyone else.
He constantly says he wants to leave the care home he's in.
I love my dad to bits and feel so guilty when I don't answer his calls. But it so draining going over the same things with him.
How's the best way to handle things without upsetting my dad.
I'm at my wits as I work full time and have a husband with mental health issues. Any advise would be great thanks.

 

[pjapril]

Hi
Just after some advise as I'm new to this.
My dad has been in a care home since last October.
He's is being tested for dementia as his behaviour is becoming very challenging.
He is getting aggressive, he's very manipulative and paranoid. He wonders around at night and phones me and my sister around 10 times a day but forgets he's phoned.
If we ask him about anything he changes his stories constantly and blames everyone else.
He constantly says he wants to leave the care home he's in.
I love my dad to bits and feel so guilty when I don't answer his calls. But it so draining going over the same things with him.
How's the best way to handle things without upsetting my dad.
I'm at my wits as I work full time and have a husband with mental health issues. Any advise would be great thanks.

Hi Angela I had a similar problem with persistent calls / silent voice mails in the middle of the night etc from the care home from mum. In the end the carers went in at night and took out the SIM card (with my full consent of course) as she was ringing every number in it night and day and wouldn't stop or hand it over. It was a really tough decision to do that but it has given all of us a bit of peace from the terrible calls. She now just thinks it's broken which is much better than thinking we took it. It was the care home's idea as they come across this a lot with mobiles and dementia. (Mum even rang the police...) We still call in all the time on the care home land line and speak to her of course and this gives her the chance to rant - but at a time when we are not in work ! This is just an idea from a fellow endless call sufferer who feels as guilty as you!!

 

[karaokePete]

That idea of 'pjapril' sounds good to me.
At the very least I would advise you not to feel guilty about not answering the calls as you said yourself that your dad forgets that he has made the calls. Making these calls may be just his way of expressing his anxiety about his situation - is he on any medication for anxiety? May be worth chatting to his GP.
I understand what you mean about the draining effect of going over the same things all the time as I feel that with my wife. Don't be hard on yourself - you seem to have enough on your plate.