Confussion

[jaymor]

My husband is having very regular periods of not knowing me and our home. This is tending to happen at night when there is no proffessional help. He gets really aggitated and keeps ringing me when I am sitting beside him but still wont accept that I am his wife. He wants to go home and says he will ring for taxi. We walk around the house and he can tell me where each room is and even the colour of the throw over the bed but still will not accept the house as home. He becomes aggressive if you try to get him to understand he is at home. We have lived here for 46 years. His nurse and OT advise distractng, well that does not work. He has been given medication for sleeping as this is another problem but this does not work anymore and our doctor says there is nothing else. So he never sleeps which means I never sleep. Neither of us get any break from this illness and I feel that he lives in permanent torment. I can't begin to imagine what it must be like to be like this. He now goes to daycare three days a week which gives me relief until I collect him then it starts all over again. Has anyone any suggestions of helping him as the distraction theory does not work.
Jay

 

[jeany123]

Hi Jaymor I'm sorry you have such problems my husband doesn't sleep well either and I never have a full nights sleep ,When he wants to go home have you tried saying to him, we will go home tomorrow as it's too late,dark,raining or cold tonight or something like that, it might help then he will probably have forgotten about it the next day .

Jeany x

 

[Grannie G]

Hello Jay

Gosh, you have been a member as long as I have so you have done really well to manage keeping your husband at home till now.

If you have read posts, you will understand your husband experiences sundowning which is a restlessness and increased anxiety late afternoon or early evening.

Sadly, in our case at least, it did get worse before it got better and my husband wanted to go home to his real wife and real family every afternoon.

I could not keep him in because he would become aggressive , so I let him go and followed him. Often I called our son for help and he was able to calm his dad down. Funny, even though my husband didn`t know me, he knew our son.

I do not know why people recommend distraction. If they had personal experience they would know it does not work. It is possible it might work with third party intervention, witness our son was always able to diffuse the situation, but I have not yet heard it work when used by partners .

Sorry not to have been of more help.

 

[jaymor]

Hi Jeany,
Yes I have done this. Infact I feel I have done everything I can. You are right with the being back to normal next morning . This morning he is very quiet at the moment and I certainly am not going to talk to him about last night as this will aggitate him so best left alone. His nurse advises asking him how he was feeling before the confussion. If he can't remember the incident, how the heck is he going to remember how he feels before it? It is just so difficult when it is happening and no solution other than pray for bedtime and hope he will at least settle if not sleep. He seems fine without sleep, it is me who after 4 nights in a row of no sleep feel like a zombie. Going to take him out for a while, hoping the fresh air will give us both a little lift.

Jay

 

[jaymor]

Hi Granny G,
It is really funny about the recognising bit. I call my daughter when I am not coping and she comes round and yes he recognises her and will talk to her but she has no more success in distracting than me. He will tell her Mom is answering her phone when he rings but she is not here, she is at home and he wants to go home. Last night she stayed until we persuaded him to go to bed here (not his home in his head) and then tomorrow we would get it sorted. She went and sat in the car outside until all the lights had gone out and then went home. She then came back later to make sure the house was still in darkness. Just seems we have the problems and there are no answers.
Jay x

 

[Grannie G]

I know it`s bittersweet Jay but now my husband`s dementia has progressed, he has lost his mobility and is in a home, he has only failed to know me once in over two years.

But I do not visit late afternoon early evening, even though the home say he is no trouble.

 

[jeany123]

Jaymor I know what you mean I find it best not to bring anything up that has gone before it makes things more complicated ,It makes it harder when you don't get your sleep i have no advice for you because everything I have tried doesn't work although we haven't gone down the sleeping pill route for him yet,When we were moving into our bungalow 2 years ago I couldn,t sleep and I took some herbal sleeping pills and it was a nightmare i was having hallucinations when I was awake I really thought our electric had blown when my son just switched the light off and I thought people were coming in the house when I was in bed and I haven't got dementia , it was really scary it must have been the side affects and you expect herbal tablets to be safe.
I hope you both enjoy the walk and feel better when you get backand that things improve for you .


Jeany x

 

[JackMac]

Hello

We are not at this stage yet with our mum but she's starting to get aggitated in the evenings too, pacing around etc.

I haven't got many ideas but one of the things that made her worse was sleeping tablets. The GP prescribed them and they worked for a week. Then the specialist said sleeping pills can make them more confused and I think this was the case with mum so we stopped them. Eventually, she has started to sleep better but still not perfect.

As we have been told there is no help available at night ( I assume that's the same everywhere) we are focusing on getting help during the day so dad can get some rest. Have you thought about getting more help in the daytime so you can get rest in the day. could he go 5 days a week to daycare?
It's awful that there isn't more support out there.

This is probably a rubbish idea but I just wondered if your husband likes music? could you try putting some music on in the evenings?
i say this because I have seen some good results with music.

as for distracting. After looking after my mum last weekend while my dad went away, I got a big shock.............distraction might work for professionals who are there for short periods..........but for full time carers, it's exhausting! I mean how long can you spend distracting?! I think it should be standard that anyone working with dementia has to have lived with a relative with it and experienced it first hand. somehow, I think their suggestions may be different
jackmac

 

[Padraig]

Memories

When it came to 'going home' I was one of the lucky ones, as I remembered my wife's childhood home in Co.Durham. When she tried to 'go home' I took her hand and off we set. Of course 'her home' no longer existed, except in our minds. As we walked and talked of happy times with her parents and siblings. It was only too clear for me why she wished to be 'home'. Her home had been my first experience of what family life was like: such sweet memories. The walking tired her out and she wanted a drink so we continued on home and forgot about her 'home' till the next time. We both slept well after the exercise!
There were many times she 'took off' without my noticing and each occasion has a different story, some funny and one produced a big surprise.

To the best of my ability I entered her world and went with the flow. At the time it seemed to last for a long period. In the complete journey it passed all too soon.