Confused about home

[Cats2022]

Hi,
My dad doesn’t seem to recognise his home sometimes he thinks he is in some sort of care home this has been going on for a while it seems to come and go , he will go to the kitchen thinking it’s the bedroom etc he doesn’t seem unduly stressed about this.
However a few days ago he said he had been dreaming and felt sure he was in his previous home the one he lived in some 38 years ago
He thought it was a dream so I thought that had passed but tonight he’s been saying that he’s in the old house it’s decorated the same etc is this something than anyone else has come across and could it potentially lead him to try and get back to the old house.
Many Thanks

 

[karaokePete]

Hello @Cats2022

Being disorientated in the home and seeking a house from times past are common enough.

I used to have signs and pictures on all internal doors but, like all such strategies, that stopped working as my wife's dementia progressed. My wife will often say she's going "up to bed", even though we've been in a bungalow for years.

Seeking an old house can be a sign of anxiety as it's the more secure feeling that was felt in the old home that is now wanted. Anxiety is common in dementia so it may be worthwhile talking to the GP about that.

Good luck with that.

 

[Cats2022]

Hello @Cats2022

Being disorientated in the home and seeking a house from times past are common enough.

I used to have signs and pictures on all internal doors but, like all such strategies, that stopped working as my wife's dementia progressed. My wife will often say she's going "up to bed", even though we've been in a bungalow for years.

Seeking an old house can be a sign of anxiety as it's the more secure feeling that was felt in the old home that is now wanted. Anxiety is common in dementia so it may be worthwhile talking to the GP about that.

Good luck with that.

Thank You for your reply I do think he gets anxious especially at night and this is mainly when it happens I will try and speak to his GP but that’s sometimes like banging your head against a brick wall !!

 

[RuralTownie]

Yes, that's very familiar. My dad goes through something similar, particularly in the evenings. Although in his case it doesn't seem to be so much about the house, but more about the county. He thinks he's back up north.

But he often fails to recognise that it's his own home. Thankfully he doesn't have the initiative to try and leave, but I can see it's distressing for him to not know where he is.

So two options present themselves. If he doesn't know where he is then I reassure him that it's ok, he's safe and in the right place. I can point out his things; pictures, books, cats, to help him understand this is home.

If he's mind-travelled elsewhere then I try not to correct him. But still reassuring him that he's safe here and that it's a nice place to be. If he thinks he's in his childhood town then we talk about that or look at photo book of it.

I've found that the fantasies can begin to happen while he's awake too, not just dreams when he's been sleeping. As I type this, he doesn't want to go bed yet because he wants to "make sure the kids are ok". There are no kids. He's just sitting at the table. So I'll let him be and try and encourage him to bed again in about 15 minutes, when hopefully he'll have forgotten about these mystery kids.

My point is that there's no gain in challenging these fantasies/misunderstandings if they don't pose any risk or distress. Challenging them could just cause greater confusion or upset.

 

[Cats2022]

Thank You for sharing this I think you are right it is best to go along with these misunderstandings I just find it sad when he says such things I think I am getting used to it now I found it quiet alarming at first but as the disease is progressing he seems to be saying and seeing more and more random things but he doesn’t seem unduly distressed at this point
I hope your dad settled enough to go to bed and forgot about the kids

 

[RuralTownie]

Yes it's so sad, and can definitely be alarming. The random things will probably increase I'm afraid. It's about finding ways to reassure if there's something that's worrying them. Like if dad's agitated about mystery strangers in the house I'll try something like "I've had a check and there's nobody else here. They must've gone home. So it's just you and me here now. Shall we have cup of tea?" Reassure and then distract.

Other times, particularly when it's nonsensical, I just go with vague agreement or noises. "Mmm", "That's interesting", "Well fancy that"...

And yes, after leaving him for about 15 mins I commented that he looked sleepy and suggested I help him to bed. He agreed and that was that. Sometimes all you can do in frustrating situations is step away and try again a bit later.

 

[Blissy]

I agree with RuralTownie. My husband often wakes in the night distressed because there is someone in the house. The other night there were a number with knives and he needed to check I was ok and they hadn't taken me.( he sleeps in another room). As he usually harps back to the war I told him I had called the army and had heard them outside arresting the men. This reassured him and he settled down. With any other nonsensical chat it is the vague responses that I also go for.