Concerned about mum

[Wingate8]

Hello,
I am looking for advice please. I’m concerned about my mum. Her memory has drastically got worse, she is often confused and always looking at my dad to finish her sentences. She is very reluctant to visit the GP, so I’ve been looking for at home memory test services to begin with. is anyone able to recommend anything? She’s based in essex, but bordering London.
Would be very grateful for any advice
Thank you

 

[northumbrian_k]

Hi @simorris and welcome to Dementia Support Forum our friendly and supportive community of people who have experience of many aspects of dementia. I am sorry to hear about your mum. I don't know anything about home memory test services. It can be difficult getting a person to see a GP. If you can do it this would be preferable as it could then rule out other things. If appropriate, it may lead to referral to a memory clinic for further tests and diagnosis. It may take some subterfuge but, if her GP is amenable, calling her in for a 'well woman' appointment might work. If she does attend her GP it would be best if she could be accompanied so that what is said during the consultation is retained.

 

[Gosling]

Hello @simorris and welcome to this forum from me too.
I am sorry to read about your Mum and the concerns you have. I like @northumbrian_k , do not have any experience of home memory test services, and would agree that if at all possible, to start to get the ball rolling with her GP. Reluctance to do so by your Mum is not an uncommon feature. Either in denial that anything is wrong, or worried about what such a test might show. It is difficult, but if you can use subterfuge to get her there.

 

[Wingate8]

Thank you both for your replies.
I had found one company called home visit health care that offered home visits, unfortunately they are only based in the midlands. I do keep trying to get her to the GP, but the more me and my dad try the more she backs away, I will persevere
Thank you

 

[Jaded'n'faded]

I don't know anything about home visit health care but I think whatever they find (or don't find) you'll still have to go to the GP to get a referral to the memory clinic.

Use 'love lies' to get her there, whatever you think might work. Often saying it's a meds review or older persons general health check can be used as subterfuge. And it's advisable to write to her GP first noting all your concerns.

 

[Puppygirl78]

I don't know anything about home visit health care but I think whatever they find (or don't find) you'll still have to go to the GP to get a referral to the memory clinic.

Use 'love lies' to get her there, whatever you think might work. Often saying it's a meds review or older persons general health check can be used as subterfuge. And it's advisable to write to her GP first noting all your concerns.

That's exactly what I did, I called her GP and had an honest chat about her symptoms and my fears. They were very kind but professional, not able to discuss her actual case but wanting to help. The Dr called mum in for a ruitine health check.... following that she's had the memory testing done again (failed) and is currently waiting for the brain scan and formal diagnosis.... but after years of refusals, anger and hurt we are on the right path!
Done right your mum will never know it was you that started the ball rolling.... good luck.x

 

[northumbrian_k]

Thanks for your input @Puppygirl78 I have quite often suggested doing what you describe. It is great to know that it is a strategy that can really work.

 

[Wingate8]

Thank you all so much. This has been very helpful. I’m going to discuss it with my dad, this approach does sound like the best option. I really appreciate all your help x

 

[sue31]

Hello,
I am looking for advice please. I’m concerned about my mum. Her memory has drastically got worse, she is often confused and always looking at my dad to finish her sentences. She is very reluctant to visit the GP, so I’ve been looking for at home memory test services to begin with. is anyone able to recommend anything? She’s based in essex, but bordering London.
Would be very grateful for any advice
Thank you

Very similar experience here. My mother lives alone, she is adamant nothing wrong with her. Refuses to leave the house or to engage in any telephone calls with anyone remotely medical.

I started off calling Admiral nurses, who in turn contacted our local mental health team, then they involved adult safeguarding, dementia crisis.

To be honest it’s pretty stressful dealing with all of them as they don’t really seem to communicate with each other.
They - between them - have sent out several people to assess her at home for both memory, capacity and ability.
The visiting psychiatrist has diagnosed her with ‘unspecified’ dementia.
After 3 months they have finally perscribed some mild medication to hopefully calm her agitation, which will help us in coping with her. I know it’s no cure & things will progress to her being in full time care.

Top tips

If you haven’t already get on the .gov website & get power of attorneys set up do it ASAP

If you’re told to get carers in - apply for attendance allowance on her behalf, it helps with costs for any help they need going forward and is about the inly thing that’s not means tested! After paying ourselves for 3 years + someone finally mentioned it might be useful🤯🤯