Carer support

[valley66]

Hi everyone,

Just joined this group, could do with some advice on my Dad who has middle/advanced stage Dementia, I feel need to support my Mum as well who is at breaking point, maybe with a Day Centre or a brief respite care stay for him ?

She's very reluctant but I feel we need to support her as well.

Any thoughts on how I should deal with this ?

 

[karaokePete]

Hello @valley66, you are welcome here and I hope you find the forum to be a friendly and supportive place.

I hope you have time to take a good look around the site as it is a goldmine for information. When I first joined I read old threads for information but then found the AS Publications list and the page where a post code search can be done to check for support services in ones own area. If you are interested in these, clicking the following links will take you there

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/publications-factsheets-full-list

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you

You will see that there are Factsheets that will help with your questions and with things like getting care needs assessments, deciding the level of care required and sorting out useful things like Wills, Power of Attorney etc., if any of that hasn't already been done.

Now that you have found us I hope you will keep posting as the membership has vast collective knowledge and experience.

 

[nae sporran]

Hi everyone,

Just joined this group, could do with some advice on my Dad who has middle/advanced stage Dementia, I feel need to support my Mum as well who is at breaking point, maybe with a Day Centre or a brief respite care stay for him ?

She's very reluctant but I feel we need to support her as well.

Any thoughts on how I should deal with this ?

Welcome to the forum from me too, Valley66. Would your mum accept that a couple of days respite or a day centre will give her space to think and make caring easier. Both of those helped me to unwind and be more able to cope with what happens, at least for a while. It is hard to let go, and she may feel guilty, of course your dad may take a while to get used to day centre, but with your support both your parents will hopefully get used to the idea.

 

[WifeyLT]

Hi, really helpful to read this post, as I quandry the same with my mum, as carer to my Dad. London Borough of Merton is absolutely rubbish in terms of any dementia support for carers or patients and the nearest day centre is a 30 mins taxi away, with no direct public transport and no pick up / drop off service. So we pay privately for someone to take him out for walks 3 times a week but, beyond that, my mum is sole carer and I help a little at the weekend ...

 

[WifeyLT]

We first used respite for 2 weeks in January and that helped mum ... I found it very difficult. Now mum is at breaking point again and exhausted and dad's become more incontinent ...so we're trying respite again but longer this time ... I don't feel there are any other options ... Seems so unfair ... But I know she needs and deserves the break ... And surviving isn't living x

 

[marionq]

@WifeyLT you are right that there is only surviving without respite. It is easy to slide into this trap where you think you can manage but really it’s a ticking time bomb for many whose own health suffers.

Those areas which don’t proved some day support must end up with a lot of people in permanent care.