Hi everyone, My Dad has been the main carer for my Mum for approximately 3 years now, unfortunately both are in hospital at the moment but we have decided that we need to look for a care home for Mum, my Dad is becoming increasingly depressed about this, feeling that he's let her down but he also is saying he can't care for her anymore, due to his own health issues, I'm currently trying to get her social care worker involved but currently she isn't answering any messages! Any tips on how to best support them both would be very welcome
Carer depression
- Thread starter joc0809
- Start date
Welcome @joc0809
It sounds as if you are doing as much as you can.
You don't say why your dad is in hospital or whether it's something additional to his depression. I wonder if you can get any support from the hospital stating your father's health is being affected by being a full time carer.
I don't know if there is anything in this link which might help. You have concerns for both parents.
www.england.nhs.uk
It would be excellent if your mother could be transferred from hospital to a care home
It sounds as if you are doing as much as you can.
You don't say why your dad is in hospital or whether it's something additional to his depression. I wonder if you can get any support from the hospital stating your father's health is being affected by being a full time carer.
I don't know if there is anything in this link which might help. You have concerns for both parents.
NHS England » Quick guides to support health and social care systems
www.england.nhs.uk
It would be excellent if your mother could be transferred from hospital to a care home
Hi @joc0809
As both your parents are in hospital the people you need to speak to are the hospital Social Workers dept. They are the ones who will sort out aftercare. They will be keen to speak to you because they will want to discharge your parents as soon as they are fit! Tell them that your dad can no longer care for your mum and that she cannot come home. Dig your heels in if necessary.
Your dads feeling of guilt is, unfortunately, quite usual even though he has nothing to be guilty about about and has not let her down. He knows this, but might need confirmation from you.
As both your parents are in hospital the people you need to speak to are the hospital Social Workers dept. They are the ones who will sort out aftercare. They will be keen to speak to you because they will want to discharge your parents as soon as they are fit! Tell them that your dad can no longer care for your mum and that she cannot come home. Dig your heels in if necessary.
Your dads feeling of guilt is, unfortunately, quite usual even though he has nothing to be guilty about about and has not let her down. He knows this, but might need confirmation from you.
Welcome from me too @joc0809
Lots of people here say that when a loved one goes into a carehome they don’t stop caring they just do it in a different (and often more fun) way.
When my dad was forced, very reluctantly, to put my mum in a carehome he used to visit everyday and a lot of the time he would have lunch or tea there with her.
Perhaps you can sell the move to your dad like this?
Lots of people here say that when a loved one goes into a carehome they don’t stop caring they just do it in a different (and often more fun) way.
When my dad was forced, very reluctantly, to put my mum in a carehome he used to visit everyday and a lot of the time he would have lunch or tea there with her.
Perhaps you can sell the move to your dad like this?
Welcome to the forum @joc0809
It must be really hard for your dad - and you too.
I wondered if this publication would be of any help to you. It might be more for your to read to help you support your dad rather than for your dad to read.
Letting Go Without Giving Up.
It must be really hard for your dad - and you too.
I wondered if this publication would be of any help to you. It might be more for your to read to help you support your dad rather than for your dad to read.
Letting Go Without Giving Up.
Not returning calls is fairly typical of social workers and of course they’ll deny ever getting your messages. They will certainly be harassing you as soon as they want to discharge your parents from hospital. I wouldn’t be in a hurry to answer their calls as they can’t discharge either of your parents if they can’t get in contact with you. I don’t think they’ll take that much notice of your Dad’s struggles or yours for that matter.
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Your struggle is hard to understand.
Be there for your dad emotionally.
Let your dad know that you love and support him and that you understand how difficult it must be for him to make this decision for your mum.
Be there for your dad emotionally.
Let your dad know that you love and support him and that you understand how difficult it must be for him to make this decision for your mum.
Hi @joc0809
Its hard for me to share this openly because most people don't know I have major depressive disorder and I have lived with it for many years now, but depression is not necessarily disabling -it all depends.
Minor depression or low mood can be a useful experience for recognizing in ourselves things are not right and that something needs to change. Men suffer depression very differently to women and I would advise you google and educate yourself in how these things manifest themselves.
If its any help I got through the last several years with some very low moments sorting out things and caring for my mum after my dad died and dealing with some very difficult family issues as well as succumbing to the point of realizing I couldn't continue to hold my promise to my mum to keep her at home anymore. I think the fact that your dad has opened up and said he can't care for your mum anymore is a first step. Sometimes people with low mood / low self esteem need to be able to do the next steps themselves, but ofttimes they can't, but it sounds like you are on track.
