Care home said we should visit

[spandit]

My wife took the call as I was out but I suspected they were talking about an EOL situation. They've had quite a bit of COVID in the care home so are a bit short staffed - when we turned up, the manager initially wasn't going to let us in until the nurse told her it was an end-of-life scenario.

He was much as he had been for a while. Looking very gaunt, although he's still eating and drinking. He looked comfortable, though, but he barely responded. He recognised me but making conversation was nigh on impossible. I read a letter from his friend that hadn't been opened but didn't see any reaction so don't know if he heard it or not.

It's sad, of course, and I know I'll have a huge amount of guilt for the way I've acted in the past combined with the grief for when the inevitable happens but I'm glad he's being looked after and doesn't seem to be in pain.

 

[LynneMcV]

It is such an awful time @spandit and my heart goes out to you and the family. I am glad you were able to go in and spend time with your father. It was an excellent idea to read out the letter - I truly believe that even if our loved ones cannot understand all that is said, there is still comfort in hearing a familiar voice. It is good that he recognised you too, he might not have conversed but you still connected with each other and I hope that will bring you some comfort in time, as I am sure it did for him.

Wishing you strength at this time.

 

[Sarasa]

Sorry to hear that @spandit. It's good to go and spend time with your father. Now is the time to tell him all that you want to say even if you don't think he will hear or understand you.
Thinking of you.

 

[spandit]

My sister landed from Australia this morning so should at least get to see him (care home haven't called to tell us otherwise). It's so sad seeing him like this and I hope he doesn't go on for too much longer

 

[Jaded'n'faded]

I hope so too @spandit. Glad your sister made it in time.

It's such a hard thing to watch when you know the end is inevitable. And we all want an end to the suffering of our loved ones.

Thinking of you - take care.

 

[Mr.A]

Get rid of that guilt @ spandit. Talk to your dad and if there are things you have said or done in the past which you regret then tell him. It will help you both. He may or may not fully understand but do it for both your sakes. Watching someone very close coming to the end of life is heart breaking but at least you can be with him for a while and a clear conscience will help you to bear the pain. I feel for you and can share your emotions believe me. I hope and pray that you can find and retain the strength that you need at this difficult time.

 

[spandit]

My sister did make it in time and my aunt and cousins have seen him too. One of his former carers, who had a real bond with him should get to see him today or tomorrow.
I feel that perhaps the home were a little premature in their assessment of him but he's definitely deteriorated since I saw him a couple of weeks ago. Seems quite comfortable, though, and recognised everyone - it's one of the bizarre things to do with his condition. Most people don't understand that dementia isn't just forgetting who people are.

 

[canary]

Im glad everyone has managed to visit.
My mum knew who people were right up to the end too.
Im glad he is comfortable
Stay strong