Care Home and Respite

[grayson122]

Hi my Mum, 75, has vascular dementia with alzeimers and parkinsons, my Dad is her main carer with my brother and I helping and a care agency. We have two carers go in for an hour in the morning to wash mum and get her our of bed and dressed, then an hour at night to put her to bed. She can't do anything for herself any more, my brother and I help shower mum and get her to the toilet every day. My question is, does anyone have a positive story they can feedback about respite and a local to Northamptonshire facility? My Dad won't allow Mum to go into respite because of the possible disruption to her and the impact in may have on her health. My brother and I are keen for Dad to have a break but we both work and he's not had a real break for over a year since Mum became reliant totally on him, us and the carers.

 

[Amy in the US]

Grayson, hello, and welcome to Talking Point. There is a great deal of advice and support available here and I hope you find it helpful. I am sorry to hear about your mother, how difficult for you and your family.

I do not have specific recommendations for facilities for you, I am sorry, but I hope others here will.

In addition to visiting places yourself, you could also see if there is a local support group or carers' cafe you could attend. I have learnt more about my local care homes from talking to people who have family members in them, than any other resource. If there are any day care programs in your area, that might be another place to find out about respite possibilities for your mother.

I do urge you to try to make a respite/emergency care plan for your mother. What happens when your father gets flu, needs dental surgery, breaks his ankle, goes into hospital, or worse? I have seen some recent threads reminding us that carers need care as well and that we all need to have a backup plan, just in case. If you work on it before you need it then you will have more options and will be better informed about your choices. And unfortunately, your mother will eventually need more care than she does now. It sounds like you and your brother help out quite a lot but of course your dad takes the brunt of the the caring and I think it's fantastic you recognize how difficult this is, and that he needs time off/more help/respite/whatever.

I realise this is never easy and I'm very sorry you are in this difficult situation. I hope you are able to find something that works for your family.

 

[Otiruz]

Hi my Mum, 75, has vascular dementia with alzeimers and parkinsons, my Dad is her main carer with my brother and I helping and a care agency. We have two carers go in for an hour in the morning to wash mum and get her our of bed and dressed, then an hour at night to put her to bed. She can't do anything for herself any more, my brother and I help shower mum and get her to the toilet every day. My question is, does anyone have a positive story they can feedback about respite and a local to Northamptonshire facility? My Dad won't allow Mum to go into respite because of the possible disruption to her and the impact in may have on her health. My brother and I are keen for Dad to have a break but we both work and he's not had a real break for over a year since Mum became reliant totally on him, us and the carers.

Hello greyson122 - your SS can supply you with an approved list however you may be like to visit as many local homes as you can and then go with your gut feeling. Some homes are bright and shiny but are a bit like fools gold. Other's may lack a lick of paint here and there but will bend over backwards to ensure their resident is cared for in the real sense of the word. You know your mum better than anyone, is she the sort of lady who likes aromatherapy and flowers on the table, homemade soup and cake, a garden to sit in, a room with an ensuite toilet etc etc. Your lovely dad absolutely needs a rest - he is a real trouper.