Care home admittance for mum

[Devril n]

Hi all, I've read some older posts and feel very stressed at the events of the last month. My mother 89 was living with her 90 year old partner who has been her main carer . A gradual deterioration of her mixed dementia culminating in falls/ UTI/ aggression towards partner and no support from community teams in managing any of it left me having to source respite which is now long term care. Once social workers knew she would be self funding they just said I could place her anywhere. I was shocked that she didn't need an assessment.
Since admittance to a nearby care home she absolutely hates it and constantly wants to go home and is much worse in the afternoon when all she talks about is wanting to kill herself. She has some insight but no acceptance.
I on the other hand feel terrible and the memory clinic are being obstructive in providing a letter to initiate LPA ( we already did this ) so that we can now take over her finances. Has anyone else dealt with this ?

 

[SAP]

Hi @Devril n , I’m not sure why you need anything from the memory clinic to enact the LPA for finance as this does not depend on the doner losing mental capacity ( unless the LPA states this specifically) I was managing my mums finances long before she went into a care home and definitely whilst she still had capacity.
It is not unusual for PWD to want to go home but she may not actually mean her most recent home but a childhood one. It would be worth asking the staff what she is like when you are not there as sometimes that can be a very different story.
In afraid Social Services are very quick to step back if a person is self funding. They really should assess her though and this sleight of hand getting out of providing a services is not OK. However, you have your mum in a home now and she is safe and being cared for and that is the important thing.

 

[Alice_M]

Hi @Devril n and welcome to the Dementia Support Forum.

I'm so sorry to hear about everything you're going through with your mother. It sounds incredibly stressful and overwhelming. It's understandable that you're feeling terrible and frustrated with the lack of support and resources available.

Just know that you're not alone in this and there are others who have gone through similar experiences right here on this forum, there is a whole community here to listen and provide support.

If you'd like to speak to someone, please consider giving our Dementia Support Line a call. We have a team of dementia advisers who are here to listen, to answer questions and point the way toward local support services. The line is open 9am - 8pm Monday to Wednesday, 9am - 5pm on Thursday and Friday, 10am - 4pm on Saturday and Sunday. The number is 0333 150 3456 (this is a national rate number and should be part of an inclusive national rate minutes allowance on landline or mobile contracts). You can also email them at DementiaSupportLine@alzheimers.org.uk if you prefer.