Can sudden deterioration be caused by shock?

[Suzie G]

I've seen first hand what Alzheimer's does as my mum is now in a care home following diagnosis 7 years ago. Now my MIL has Alzheimer's. She lives with her husband, they have coped very well despite being 89 & 87 yrs old, but he has kidney failure and was suddenly admitted to a nursing home last Friday night. It's unlikely he will recover.

In the meantime, my husband & I are not sure what to tell my MIL. When she got home from taking my FIL to the home, the first thing she asked was "Where's your dad?". This question is a constant refrain and we expected this. We're trying to keep answers simple and positive and then we change the subject as fast as possible!

However what has surprised us is how in the space of a few days she's now asking who we're talking about, as if she has no idea that she's been married to him for over 60 years. She says she has no idea who he is, asks if he's really her husband etc. In other words, the confusion has multiplied since he was admitted.

Is it possible that the shock of him suddenly not being there has increased her decline? Has anyone else experienced this?
Also, any thoughts on what she should be told as he declines and eventually 'passes away' as he will? I know that 'kind lies' might be needed, but any approaches/advice would be helpful. Thank you!

 

[canary]

Hi @Suzie G

Is it possible that the shock of him suddenly not being there has increased her decline? Has anyone else experienced this?

It may be that this is what has happened. Certainly OHs cognitive decline was more noticeable after his mum died. It might also be that not having your dad around has thrown a cruel spotlight on your mums memory problems - all the while he was there he remained in your mums mind, but not seeing him for a while means that he is no longer there. Again I know this from OH - things that happen every day remain, but if there is a break of more than a few days, its gone.

If it looks like your dad will not recover it would probably be best not to tell your mum. As it is, she has forgotten him, but if you keep reminding her she may just keep on and on grieving.

 

[Suzie G]

Thanks Canary. I appreciate your thoughts. One day at a time....

 

[love.dad.but..]

Yes I saw that in dad pretty much overnight. Mum died suddenly, we found her on her birthday, found dad sitting in his car. I believe the trauma of mum lying in the hallway all night and dad alone, knowing something had happened but couldn't make sense of it pushed his already moderate dementia to accelerate over the weeks and months.

 

[Suzie G]

That's so sad, I'm so sorry to hear that. Ironically it does help with our understanding of what might have contributed to her decline....
Thanks for your response.

 

[LostInLondon]

Sorry about that, it sounds distressing. I think stress and shock may contribute which is my greatest fear as I had arguments with my dad before he was in hospital and he was stressed about debts he had which I could have helped with but didn't. I fear this may have been the cause. There is so much sadness and guilt involved with dementia.

 

[karaokePete]

Sorry about that, it sounds distressing. I think stress and shock may contribute which is my greatest fear as I had arguments with my dad before he was in hospital and he was stressed about debts he had which I could have helped with but didn't. I fear this may have been the cause. There is so much sadness and guilt involved with dementia.

Please don't hurt yourself with these feelings. Dementia is active in the brain many years before symptoms begin to show. Any recent stress may just have brought to light what was already there. Indeed, is it possible that the debt situation built up because of the dementia.

People with dementia often lose the ability to handle finances. My wife no longer has one clue about finances and it was she who used to book holidays, arrange insurance etc in the years before her diagnosis. The loss of this ability was one of the earliest signs that I just didn't notice as I slowly took charge of financial affairs without wondering about why I was now doing things.

 

[LostInLondon]

Thank you, karaokePete. It's because he asked for help and I thought he was trying to trick my mum into something that I didn't help. I know it was his character to be a 'trickster' but I wish I had heard him that time. That's on me. I should have listened. I'm considering therapy because of all the emotions. It is right that the debt may have occurred due to the memory loss and it all got out of hand but I should have helped because the shock of it must have really worried him. Sorry I don't want to hijack someone's thread like this but I appreciate your response and thank you for sharing.

 

[DaveCr1968]

Hi there

My dad's dementia was in a very slow decline over the years. He had a pretty severe bout of cellulitis over Christmas 2019 and early 2020 when he was on antibiotics for about 7 weeks. This seemed to knock him for 6 and his dementia very rapidly declined. The Covid restrictions shortly afterwards took him out of his routine and I'm pretty sure this didn't help either.

I'm sure I have read somewhere that shocks, illnesses, etc, can trigger an acceleration in the rate of dementia.

Regards

Dave