Can anyone help me?

[laurenemma127]

Hi. My Nana (mums mum) is currently in hospital. She was living in a home and had a fall last week which brought her to hospital. I thought we were in late stages but it's further than that. She's now got chest infection, a UTI, and piles. Also having problems swallowing. I have 2 kids and live an hour away from the hospital but am going every other day when I can get childcare. (I have one with asd,and the other is very sensitive and doesn't deal well with hospitals etc) so can't and don't want to take kids in.
Anyway. As I said it's mums mum. But Nana looked after me when mum had cancer so she's like a second mum to me too.
I've been reading a lot online and it's just hit me I guess that this could be it?! There's new problems each day. And my gentle Nana even attempted to hit me when her drip went in. This isn't her and it's heart breaking.
What can I expect next? Can anyone give me advice on what I can do to help or just anything?! When I'm with her its easy for me to look after her (feed and wash,do hair and just be there) as I'm a carer for my son. So it's not awkward for me when I'm there. But I'm seeing her loose weight (she's always been skinny but got from a 10 to a 16 in the home) and getting skinny again. She's having problems swallowing and chewing and lifting her arms. She's sleeping most days when she's not upset or worried about what's going on. She does calm when I'm there.
Sorry for the long rant. I'm not sure how long we have. How to help my mum or help Nana. What do I do?? Thanks

 

[marionq]

Just be there when you can, holding her hand, talking to her. If she helped raise you then seeing you as a good mother will be all the satisfaction she needs. It is a fact of life that we all have to die and if she is going peacefully and calmly then that can't be bad.

Good wishes.

 

[canary]

I agree with marionq. You are already doing the most important things - you are there and are doing things to make her feel better.
Try gently rubbing in moisurising cream if her skin is getting dry, play her favourite music, talk and/or read to her, hold her hand, but mostly - just be there.
I know you cant be there every day and that is fine - just do what you can.
((((hugs))))

 

[Elizabeth92]

Hi.. I'm a long time reader but never commented before. Your post is so similar to what my family and I are going through right now with my own Nan.

I agree with other posters just be there, comfort and love counts for so much - With your mum as well, just love them both and be there any way possible. I have 3 young children so can't be there physically 24/7 but I make the most of every second I do get with her. I also make sure my mum knows I'm there if she ever needs me. Even if its just for a chat and a cup of tea. Offer support and a shoulder to cry on, I know its hard to stay strong and Its horrible knowing the end is looming - I feel sick everytime the phone rings.

But death is just another part of life, we all earn our angel wings one day and I'm sure your Nana would be so happy knowing you were there worrying, loving and caring for her right to the end of this long hard journey. Try not to fret about how often you visit, your Nana would understand.

Sending love at this difficult time xx

 

[BeckyJan]

I am sorry to read about your Nana.

My husband had many UTI's and chest infections but still managed to have some quality of life for several years. I wonder if your Nana has been seen by a SaLT - that's a speech and language therapist but they are usually called in to dementia sufferers who have a swallowing problem. It could be that she needs softened or pureed food and thickened drinks. It sounds horrible but my husband took them without a problem, much to my surprise.

Then at least there would be some intake of food and fluids. I made things like jelly mixed with yoghurt, pre setting. A lime flavoured one was taken with pleasure - this gave both nutrition and liquid.

I think you should suggest to your Mum that she makes enquiries about this.
Forgive me if you have all been down that route and it is not considered helpful.

 

[birdy]

Bless your heart

Look up online...
Crossing The creek. It's an amazing booklet on what to expect when someone enters end of life. It was very helpful to me and my sister when my dad was dying recently . All the very best and I hope you feel carried and supported like we did. Xx