Awaiting more tests and diagnosis

[smailes]

Hello everyone I'm new here so forgive me please if I don't make myself clear in the first instance. It's been brought to my attention from neighbours, friends and colleagues that my mum's memory has been failing her for some time. Unfortunately due to our past relationship we haven't been able to be very close so it was something that I hadn't noticed it myself. Also living over 200 miles away meant I wasn't able to maybe pick up subtle changes.
Anyway I am a very pragmatic person and donned my 'control hat on and went to see for myself. I've spent almost 2 weeks with her now and if I'm honest I can not believe the plethora of emotions the human body can go through. I have to say that although it has been a tremendous shock to see my mum like this. I feel it's my duty to ensure that she is looked after properly even if it's not me that does the looking after. Looking at my mum you wouldn't think anything was wrong but she has some considerable memory problems. As such her finances are in such a state of really don't low where to begin. I must say that in two weeks though I have had a meeting with her gp. Shes undergone a memory test that the Dr arranged to be done at home. I arranged for social services to come and do a home assessment and I'm in the process of trying to get her debts organised and with a debt agency. Fortunately her bank has been overwhelmingly helpful and have help pointed me in the right direction. I now have my name on her account and and am thinking about doing a power of attorney. While it's still easy. Relatively. After spending these weeks with her I do believe that my mum is slowly very slowly getting her head around the fact that she may have dementia although we are still awaiting a brain scan.
After trolling the Internet for information I came across this website and finally plucked up the courage to write. I'm not sure whether I'm expect a reply or anything but already it feels better just relaying my some of my story. Well thanx for listening and hopefully I'll be back.

 

[ellejay]

Hi smailes, & welcome I'm sorry you have need to be here, but I hope you will continue to post as there is always someone to respond (even at silly o/clock)

You do sound like you've got quite a lot sorted already, well done you. There are many on here who care for a parent they don't have a very good relationship with, (me for a start, my mum's in a Care Home, no way could I have her living with me)

Anyway, hope to "see" you around.

Lin x

 

[marionq]

You have started off well. Once the basics are sorted you can get your head round what is best for Mums future care. I hope your GP or Memory clinic will appoint someone to come out and talk to you about your options.

Talk to Age UK if you need pointing in the right direction or come back on here with questions. There is always someone with experience who will help. Well done so far.

 

[cragmaid]

Hi, once Mum has a diagnosis, you can help her to apply for Attendance Allowance. This should also help her finances a bit. I would not just think about getting her to grant an LPA ( or in fact 2 LPAs; one for Legal and Finance and one for Health and Welfare. Good luck and keep posting.

 

[smailes]

Oh wow!!! I am over whelmed with the responses. In fact I'm speechless. Looks like I'm here to say. Getting such positive replies has given me confidence to go forward. Hey ellejay I'm not alone it's so difficult as people see me with her and instantly think "Ahh isn't she good looking after her mum and "you only get one mum". Yes I know but when the relationship was a strained to begin with and then you add a dementia diagnosis into the equation then it definitely doesn't make it any easier. We had a row earlier about it all and she accused me of not caring!! After I've spent two weeks on the phone and the Internet and writing letters. Cheek. I Had to leave the house for a bit to get some fresh air. While I was out I then realised how difficult it must be for her to actually have that fear inside that she may have dementia and for her having cared for dementia patients all her life she know what's coming. Hasten to add I went back and apologised.
Thank you cragmaid for the advice about the attendance allowance. Her finances are actually a lot worse than I thought.
marionq I will definitely get on touch with age UK.
Thank you al so much again. To get a response so . quickly has made a huge difference.
Roz x

 

[stanleypj]

It's really good that you've managed to get so much done during your stay. When you read some of the posts on TP you'll see that some people struggle for months, even years, to take the smallest steps, not because they lack the will but just because the professionals they have to deal with aren't delivering.

You will also, as you've seen already, get a lot of help on here. You will find, as you might expect, other people taking responsibility for the care of family members with whom the relationship is strained and if course this can make a very difficult job even harder.

I hope all the work you have already done continues to point the way forward.

Take care

 

[smailes]

Oh wow!!! I am over whelmed with the responses. In fact I'm speechless. Looks like I'm here to say. Getting such positive replies has given me confidence to go forward. Hey ellejay I'm not alone it's so difficult as people see me with her and instantly think "Ahh isn't she good looking after her mum and "you only get one mum". Yes I know but when the relationship was a strained to begin with and then you add a dementia diagnosis into the equation then it definitely doesn't make it any easier. We had a row earlier about it all and she accused me of not caring!! After I've spent two weeks on the phone and the Internet and writing letters. Cheek. I Had to leave the house for a bit to get some fresh air. While I was out I then realised how difficult it must be for her to actually have that fear inside that she may have dementia and for her having cared for dementia patients all her life she know what's coming. Hasten to add I went back and apologised.
Thank you cragmaid for the advice about the attendance allowance. Her finances are actually a lot worse than I thought.
marionq I will definitely get on touch with age UK.
Thank you al so much again. To get a response so . quickly has made a huge difference.
Roz x