Am I normal in feeling this?

[dee1990]

Hi There,

New here and actually hoping for a bit of validation as the emotional rollercoaster is intense. My father suffers from alcohol-induced dementia. He lives at home and me & mum support him.

Maybe the alcohol makes it worse, but it is soooo frustrating:

He will smoke in the house (even thought he knows its never been allowed), he will try and wee in the garden, he gets aggressive (not physically) but then in the same breath will switch to calm and saying sorry, he goes for long walks and picks up lord knows what and brings it home, so constantly washing clothes because they are soiled by whatever he stuffs in his pocket...he does so much more.

I feel mentally it is taking its toll on me. I want to be patient and understanding but sometimes i get so angry, I would never hurt him, just find myself being short in my answers and telling him off constantly, struggling to find the balance so i can stay patient. Does anyone else feel like this? I am not even an angry person, i hardly ever lose my temper or raise my voice, but he makes me want to scream sometimes.

Currently looking for care homes, as you may know, they are not very cheap and he doesn't qualify for the state sponsored ones, so just trying to work out finances as cannot have him here too much longer for the sake of my mental health and his own safety in terms of requiring constant monitoring which i can't always do.

Thank you for reading and letting me vent.

 

[Renee Vangogh]

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Hi There,

New here and actually hoping for a bit of validation as the emotional rollercoaster is intense. My father suffers from alcohol-induced dementia. He lives at home and me & mum support him.

Maybe the alcohol makes it worse, but it is soooo frustrating:

He will smoke in the house (even thought he knows its never been allowed), he will try and wee in the garden, he gets aggressive (not physically) but then in the same breath will switch to calm and saying sorry, he goes for long walks and picks up lord knows what and brings it home, so constantly washing clothes because they are soiled by whatever he stuffs in his pocket...he does so much more.

I feel mentally it is taking its toll on me. I want to be patient and understanding but sometimes i get so angry, I would never hurt him, just find myself being short in my answers and telling him off constantly, struggling to find the balance so i can stay patient. Does anyone else feel like this? I am not even an angry person, i hardly ever lose my temper or raise my voice, but he makes me want to scream sometimes.

Currently looking for care homes, as you may know, they are not very cheap and he doesn't qualify for the state sponsored ones, so just trying to work out finances as cannot have him here too much longer for the sake of my mental health and his own safety in terms of requiring constant monitoring which i can't always do.

Thank you for reading and letting me vent.

 

[Renee Vangogh]

I too take care of a loved one with dementia.Im experiencing similiar emotions. One day at a time. Any other family memberthat could assist? None here. I'm researching living alternatives now. I'm trying to keep him as independent as possible for as long as possible. Prayer, meditation, and a small dose of ativan or xanax (anti-anxiety meds by rx only) help.

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W

 

[SeaSwallow]

Hello @dee1990 and welcome to the Dementia Support Forum. Your feelings are perfectly normal, looking after and caring for someone with any form of dementia is a rollercoaster and add in alcohol and it just adds to the problem. You sound like a very caring person but please also look after your own health and try to find time for your own interests.
I am not sure from your post whether or not your and your mum have had any social services assessments. If not, please contact your local adult social services to arrange a needs assessment for your dad and a carers assessment for your mum or yourself whoever is the main carer. If your dad has assets of less than £23,250 he might be eligible for care home funding and this could also be discussed at the meeting.
Please keep in contact and let us know how you are getting on, or to ask more questions.

 

[DeeCee7]

Hello @dee1990 I an so sorry to read of your difficulties with your Dad and how it is impacting on all of your lives. No wonder you feel such strong emotions, dealing with alcoholism and dementia must be truly awful. I lived with an alcoholic for many years and I felt the same, without dementia being thrown into the mix! The advice from @SeaSwallow is very sound and I would encourage you to follow this. There is help out there, so do go for it. You can also apply for Attendance Allowance if your Dad is over 65 I believe, and it’s not means tested.

 

[dee1990]

Thanks a lot, really appreciate your help and suggestions <3

 

[dee1990]

Hello @dee1990 and welcome to the Dementia Support Forum. Your feelings are perfectly normal, looking after and caring for someone with any form of dementia is a rollercoaster and add in alcohol and it just adds to the problem. You sound like a very caring person but please also look after your own health and try to find time for your own interests.
I am not sure from your post whether or not your and your mum have had any social services assessments. If not, please contact your local adult social services to arrange a needs assessment for your dad and a carers assessment for your mum or yourself whoever is the main carer. If your dad has assets of less than £23,250 he might be eligible for care home funding and this could also be discussed at the meeting.
Please keep in contact and let us know how you are getting on, or to ask more questions.

Thanks so much these are some good points, i haven't really looked in to but i will have a look tonight and see what i can get put in place, really appreciate this!

 

[dee1990]

Hello @dee1990 I an so sorry to read of your difficulties with your Dad and how it is impacting on all of your lives. No wonder you feel such strong emotions, dealing with alcoholism and dementia must be truly awful. I lived with an alcoholic for many years and I felt the same, without dementia being thrown into the mix! The advice from @SeaSwallow is very sound and I would encourage you to follow this. There is help out there, so do go for it. You can also apply for Attendance Allowance if your Dad is over 65 I believe, and it’s not means tested.

Thanks a lot, all the advice and just reassurance really goes a long way. The alcoholism is so frustrating, i am glad you can empathise. Thank you for taking the time to comment.