alcohol-related dementia: respite care?

[heathern]

I am exploring options to allow my mother to arrange for respite care for my father. Both are in their 80s. My mother is my father's main carer (there is a daily visit from a carer to help get him up and washed, but he frequently refuses). He is quite disabled (needs stair lift and walking frame), partially sighted and a very heavy drinker (drinks to the point of falling down unconscious probably 5 out of 7 days a week). His diagnosis is 'alcohol related dementia' but he checks the boxes for Korsacoffs (sp). Whatever....he is much worse when he is drunk. He rarely admits to having an issue with drink, though his consumption is massive (1 - 1.5 litres of spirit per day, on most days). My mother needs a break, but 'ordinary' respite care will not take a heavy-drinking alcoholic, and most centres specialising in substance-abuse are not able to take a physically and mentally disabled older person (this is my understanding from researching it). He does not want to stop drinking, either, which makes it even harder. However, if he went for respite care, my understanding is that his de-toxing would be supervised and he would not be allowed to drink.

Getting him to agree to go is another matter - he is still capable of making decisions for himself and strongly resists the notion my mother needs a break, so no chance of him going anywhere forcibly...but if he can be persuaded, what are the options? I have discovered 2 places only within 200 mls (they live in the NE of England), which offer private treatment only. We'd prefer somewhere nearer.

Am I right in my understanding of the lack of specialist care places?

Have others had similar experiences?

 

[Chrissyan]

Welcome to T/P Heather. I am sorry can't help at all. What a predicament your father has got himself in. I hope you can find the care your dad needs.

 

[bert]

hi heathern. i can sympathise with you as my 78 year old dad is a bit too fond of guinness himself and i had a big problem with him this evening. i dont know of anywhere to help your dad but his behaviour is having an effect on everyone. could a holiday be arranged for your mum? sounds like she needs it. if you dont mind me asking, how is he getting his hands on the alcohol?

all the best

bert

 

[Sandy]

Hi heathern,

I'm sorry but I don't have any experiences of the type of situation you describe, so can't offer any first-hand advice.

It sounds like you have done a great deal of research yourself, which is impressive.

It would seem to me that your family should be given more support/guidance from medical professionals/social workers in order to make the best possible decision. Have you been given any advice from third parties?

I found the thought that you would have to pay privately for treatment a bit of a surprise. I would have thought that someone like your father would be able to access some type of care via the NHS, or have it paid for through some NHS/social services funds.

Good luck and let us know how things go.

Take care,

Sandy

 

[Margarita]

I would have thought that someone like your father would be able to access some type of care via the NHS, or have it paid for through some NHS/social services funds.

Yes I would of thought that also .

I know from my brother that they is care home that specializing in substance-abuse who do take physically and mentally disabled people ( My brother 50 )

But they are out side London , I never enquired about the name or where it was as I did want him to go they as it was outside London , his always lived in London , as they want him to live in one if they can't find him a place in our area of London .

Your best port of call would be a CPN in your local mental health team , as in my area my brother come under the mental health team

May be different in your area who your father come under , but it be worth asking .

 

[heathern]

Thanks for all the helpful replies. We will investigate the money side of it. My father had a CPN at one stage, but dismissed him because the CPN wanted to support him in giving up alcohol and he didn't want to. The CPN has no power to insist on visiting. However, I do think the GP could be asked to investigate options, and we will do so.

Someone asked how he gets the alcohol. Anyone who has been close to alcoholics will know that Hell would have to freeze over before the alcoholic stops managing to get his 'supplies' in somehow. It is impossible to stop and to be honest, we have stopped trying. He calls for a taxi to take him the quarter mile or so to the off licence and back, and the driver goes in and gets it for him, if he is unable to get out the car. He has sometimes called the off licence and asked them to bring it round, which they will do. He pays with his credit card. He has a mobility scooter and sometimes manages to use this, and brings the bottles back in the basket. There are many ways he can get it, or get people to get it for him...every trick in the book. This is one part of his brain power/memory that he has not lost, ironically enough. He stashes bottles anywhere and everywhere and remembers where they are.

It is not possible for my mother to go away and leave him without some sort of replacement care, and anyone who came to live in would simply be sent away. He is, as I say, capable of decision-making. Occasionally, family members (including me) have stayed with him for a time to give my mum a break, but he has become too difficult for any of us to handle and we are no longer willing to do it for more than a few hours at a time - I won't go into details, but he can be nasty and unpleasant with the family. I think he would be the same with replacement carers, too, but nothing they hadn't seen before, I don't suppose. The risk with them is that he would just tell them to go, and of course they would have to.

thanks again for the support.

 

[Sandy]

Hi heathern,

Thanks for giving some more background on the your situation. I do hope the GP can give you some more options.

Also, have you looked into arrangements for power of attorney:

http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/factsheet/472

It might be worth looking into as it could be invaluable in the future.

Take care,

Sandy

 

[heathern]

Thank you, Sandy.

The power of attourney thing is sorted, and was done a couple of years ago, fortunately, just before the legislation changed. I have forgotten the terminology, but the P of A can be activated when the time comes without too much hoo-hah. I think if we wanted to sort it now, it would be very difficult.

I think one of the saddest things about all this is the way his alcohol-related dementia makes it more difficult/impossible to tackle the alcohol problem - his confabulation (the description used in Korsacoff's for 'making things up'!) allows him to totally believe he has had nothing to drink - even though, like the cowboy with the smoking gun and the corpse at his feet, the bottle beside him is now half empty and he has an empty china mug with dregs in beside him. This makes engaging with him about it very difficult.

I mean, 'dad, you've had enough to drink today' gets nowhere when you are told 'but I haven't had a drink since yesterday!'. 'Look at the bottle, look at the cup...' 'That wasn't me.'



I know this is the same with other dementias as well.

 

[Margarita]

My father had a CPN at one stage, but dismissed him because the CPN wanted to support him in giving up alcohol and he didn't want to. The CPN has no power to insist on visiting

That really bad about your CPN dismissing your father, as I have been told from the CPN unless my brother ask for the help to give up drinking they can not help him with his drinking issue , Its got to come from him not the other way around , But they have never dismissed him in his care needs

As

CPN is not they only they to help my brother, but to support me as my brother carer.

In my area CPN is also a social worker, so all housing support funding, or any respite funding would be organized by him under the mental health team .

The CPN has no power to insist on visiting

Yes your right , but what I am getting at, is your mother as your father carer has a right to have an assessment for her own needs, so a social worker or CPN should be doing all the leg work in trying to organize find a respite care home that would meet your fathers needs , so you mother can have a break .

Your mother with yourself can still go talk to the CPN, out side of the family home .

Has your mother had an assessment for her care needs?

You can talk to a doctor about it if your self funded. If your parents are Funding the respite care home them selfs your be OK, doctor may no of some homes .

But if you not self funding your find that a social services Or CPN in the mental health team will have to do it all for you to get the funding, so they have to look for the right respite home that meets your father needs .

PS my spelling grammar are not Good , so sorry if I have express what I have written In the wrong way

 

[heathern]

No....my father dismissed the CPN!!!

The CPN was visiting my father and my father refused to see him any more, because the CPN wanted to help tackle the alcohol problem, and my father did not want the alcohol problem tackled.

Not the CPN's fault at all.

Sorry if I did not make this clear.