Aggressive Behaviour!!!

[Carer1922]

Hi all, I am new to this forum, my husband and I are the main carers for my mum who has been suffering from dementia for five years now, we now live and look after her and are finding it hard to deal with the aggressive behaviour in the mornings. We have tried several methods to help try to relax/calm her, but nothing seems to work.

Has anybody else experienced this situation ?

Thinking about seeking advise from our GP in respect to some form of medication !!! to help with the aggression.

Any advise would be welcome.

 

[Andrew_McP]

Has anybody else experienced this situation?

Yes! Lots of us, sadly. And if I had any useful suggestions I wouldn't be sat here with scratched hands, ducking occasional projectiles wondering how I'm going to get Mum in a taxi for a scan in half an hour! I hear you can get tasers on the dark web, but apparently that's frowned upon. ;-)

I wouldn't have told her about the scan (follow up for a seizure which sent her haywire ten days ago) but what she really wants is to get on a bus with me, her husband (son!) because we left our non existent children in the next town on their own and she's worried sick.

Sorry, I appear to be fly tipping my skip in your lane.... so i'll end by saying hang on to your sense of humour. Because when nothing else works it's all you have left!

Good luck.

 

[Marcelle123]

If I were in your position, I'd certainly contact the GP for help. I know there's lots of expertise on this forum and experience of different medications, and I hope you get good advice.

My own experience isn't all that relevant - Mum hung on, living independently in a bungalow near us, till she was nearly 96, but then an illness meant that her dementia suddenly got worse, and both in hospital and in the two care homes she's been in, she did exhibit aggressive behaviour, which was so unlike her pre-dementia character. We were very worried that she'd be moved on from her current dementia home near us, but the mental health nurse put her onto memantine, which is really a med to retard the deterioration process. But it has had the additional effect of improving her mood and the aggressive behaviour has all but ceased (fingers crossed) & she seems much happier, if a little more tired.

 

[Shedrech]

hello Carer1922
a warm welcome to TP
I think you're wise to have a chat with your mum's GP as there may be meds that will help, or a tweak of her current meds - maybe also have a urine sample checked for a Urinary Tract Infection, as they can cause havoc especially with behaviour
it's not a cure-all but compassionate communication may help - it helped me most with getting some idea of how things are for my dad so I can approach him more positively - here's a link to the thread
https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/showthread.php?30801-Compassionate-Communication-with-the-Memory-Impaired
have you organised some home care visits? - sometimes people with dementia will respond less aggressively to non-family members (though, of course, some are more awkward) - if you haven't already, contact your Local Authority Adult Services for an assessment of your mum's care needs, and a carer's assessment for yourself
with my dad, when he's agitated I've found the best thing to do is immediately back off and let him be, even apologising for bothering him (anything to help him settle), then I try again later as if nothing had happened before - sometimes he was more amenable - I gave up explaining, reasoning, arguing ... as nothing got through to him and actually I only built up his resistance and made him more anxious - so pick your battles
best wishes

 

[LadyA]

Welcome to Talking Point, Carer1922.
If you have a browse around, you will see a number of threads dealing with aggression, so you definitely aren't alone!
I would contact the GP, and give as precise details as you can of the problems before he sees your mum. Things like when the aggression started, did it come on suddenly or was it gradual, is it every day or just some days? What do you think is triggering it? Is she aggressive any other time or just in the morning? Etc.
Then when he sees her he will have a good idea of the problems without distressing her over much.

Have you tried orienting her in the mornings, by chatting to her through the door before she can see you? Sort of a way of"introducing" yourself to her - eh, tapping on her door and calling something like" hi mum! Good morning, it's me, ___. I'm just putting the kettle on, and will come and help you in a moment." And then start talking to her again before you go into the room, so she can connect the voice to you. Sometimes this works, sometimes not.

Sent from my Moto G Play using Talking Point mobile app

 

[rosy18]

Hi Carer1922 my Mum aged 87 suffered quite bad aggression, hitting me, shoughting at me banging on windows and doors picking up any object she could to aid her in this whilst trying to get out.All of this from someone who was so quiet and happy pre alzheimers was quite daunting.The doctor from the memory clinic put Mum on 50mg of Trazadone but my GP increased that to 100 mg twelve months later 50mg at lunchtime followed by 50mg at 4pm and this has calmed Mum down so now Mum is only aggressive when she has a urine infection always worth checking for when any change in behavior occurs.Good luck xx

 

[Carer1922]

Thanks

Yes! Lots of us, sadly. And if I had any useful suggestions I wouldn't be sat here with scratched hands, ducking occasional projectiles wondering how I'm going to get Mum in a taxi for a scan in half an hour! I hear you can get tasers on the dark web, but apparently that's frowned upon. ;-)

I wouldn't have told her about the scan (follow up for a seizure which sent her haywire ten days ago) but what she really wants is to get on a bus with me, her husband (son!) because we left our non existent children in the next town on their own and she's worried sick.

Sorry, I appear to be fly tipping my skip in your lane.... so i'll end by saying hang on to your sense of humour. Because when nothing else works it's all you have left!

Good luck.

Thanks Andrew_McP, yes I see were you are coming from, I still have my sense of humour left apart from the hair loss and have to use boxing gloves now !!!!

Cheers

 

[Carer1922]

Thanks

If I were in your position, I'd certainly contact the GP for help. I know there's lots of expertise on this forum and experience of different medications, and I hope you get good advice.

My own experience isn't all that relevant - Mum hung on, living independently in a bungalow near us, till she was nearly 96, but then an illness meant that her dementia suddenly got worse, and both in hospital and in the two care homes she's been in, she did exhibit aggressive behaviour, which was so unlike her pre-dementia character. We were very worried that she'd be moved on from her current dementia home near us, but the mental health nurse put her onto memantine, which is really a med to retard the deterioration process. But it has had the additional effect of improving her mood and the aggressive behaviour has all but ceased (fingers crossed) & she seems much happier, if a little more tired.

Hi Marcelle123,
thanks for your reply, mums GP will be getting a call on Monday to see if he can help !!! Memantine sounds good for mum, but will have to see what the GP recommends as always good to mention at least one medication. Glad your mum got sorted, but these things seem to take ages (and a bit) to sort out. Mum is 95 this year, and after being in hospital for a check up after a fall (nothing broken) but got left in bed for a week, then two weeks re-hab and after all that now being confined to a wheelchair, case of if you don't use it you loose it.
Makes my blood boil as we kept her walking with a zimmer for 3 years all that hard work down the drain after only 3 weeks !! ☹️ What next ???

Cheers

 

[Andrew_McP]

I still have my sense of humour left apart from the hair loss and have to use boxing gloves now !!!!

Ah, I'm fortunate, lost my hair way before things fell apart for Mum. And I wish I could get her to wear boxing gloves, or at least trim her lethal nails! But I've had more luck trimming my waistline... Which has expanded by a stone's worth of comfort eating so far. I feel like Dorian Grey's portrait, getting older and fatter while Mum thrives.

Well, she gets fitter and slimmer anyway. I must lay off the fruit pastilles and humbugs while trailing her round the area on wild goose chases.

Anyway, I'm glad you've had plenty of potentially useful replies. It's always useful to be reminded of the options even if we've been through the list a few times already. Never any harm in trying again... And again... And again!


P.S. For the record, I got Mum to the scan thanks to a very patient taxi driver. We then had a six mile walk back (it's only a mile away) via two attempts to search for a fictional concert which materialised to replace the fictional young children for a while. She only let me guide her home after it got dark and started to pour with rain. And when we got home she stood outside screaming that I was trying to kill her... The first murder in history using her favorite pink and white wafer biscuits to poison her. (The North Koreans could learn a trick or two from me!)

Still, at least the neighbours got a live action Casualty episode to watch. With the help of one (retired nurse, seen it all before) managed to sneak a lorazepam into Mum's evening pills and I've managed four blissful hours of sleep in a row! It's like a holiday camp here all of a sudden! ;-)

I'm now waiting for Mum to wake and try to get to the toilet. That never goes well after a full milligram. Swings and roundabouts, as ever. I'm very much hoping a change of medication is in our immediate future as well as a change of bedding.

Goodnight all out there reading this instead of sleeping. Repeat after me... Nothing awful lasts forever. Except EastEnders, obviously.

 

[PianoMike]

My dad's aggressive in the morning. It's when he needs the most attention too as he sleeps fully dressed andbwets himself, so in a morning the clothes simply need to come off...but sometimes they don't because he's shouting at me at the top of his voice "no, no, no".

He backs off from me like I'm a threat. If myself and the visiting carer try to approach him in this mood he'll try lashing us with items of clothing or sometimes he grabs my wrists and wrestles me.

Only tactic is to leave him. He settles and all is well, but the wet clothes might not come off until later that day

 

[Carer1922]

Hi Carer1922 my Mum aged 87 suffered quite bad aggression, hitting me, shoughting at me banging on windows and doors picking up any object she could to aid her in this whilst trying to get out.All of this from someone who was so quiet and happy pre alzheimers was quite daunting.The doctor from the memory clinic put Mum on 50mg of Trazadone but my GP increased that to 100 mg twelve months later 50mg at lunchtime followed by 50mg at 4pm and this has calmed Mum down so now Mum is only aggressive when she has a urine infection always worth checking for when any change in behavior occurs.Good luck xx

Thanks Rosy18, got docs appointment next week to see if anything available !!! Don't want her to be comatosed for the rest of the day As once up she is a diffrent person a lot of the time, get the odd day when she gets difficult and as she is now wheelchair bound after a stint in Victoria (that's another story) we don't have any problems with her wondering about in the middle of the night and trying to escape !!!!!! Water infections can make mum very nasty so we got ourselfs a testing kit from eBay (same as the doctors use) to give us advance warning if one rears its ugly head. They do give us peace of mind as and when Worth considering as if they don't drink enough liquids they can get a build up of acid in the water and catch an infection. I should mention Its not to replace the doctors side of it but to give us advance warning. Hey ho, things we do for our loved ones. Take care xx

 

[LadyA]

Piano mike, my late husband was very like your dad about personal care, getting changed, washed etc. Sometimes nothing worked, sometimes different approaches worked one day, and not another. What did help was occupying his hands. Giving him something to hold, like a large towel, a packet of pads etc. And then I tried to change him from behind, so he couldn't get his hands around my neck. Modesty was a big deal for him, so if I managed to persuade him to undress (under a bathrobe!) I just let him keep the bathrobe on, and showered him through it.

Sent from my Moto G Play using Talking Point mobile app

 

[PianoMike]

Spot on LadyA about giving them something to fiddle with. Sometimes the carer dabs his hands with the damp sponge and immediately gives him the towel. Whilst he's focused on dryingnhis hands his back has been washed without him knowing. Provided he's given up his clothes already