I have been caring for an 85yr old lady with Alzheimers. I have been doing it on my own for 2 yrs. Social services got involved last August. She has refused going into respite care or have anybody in. I am 72 and have ny own medical problems, which are getting worse. I am quickly coming to the point where I can't do it any longer. Advice please...
Advice please
- Thread starter aiva09
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Hi @aiva09 I take it this person is not a relative? You certain have gone above and beyond to support her but as long as you are doing this , social services will let you. If you feel you can , you could tell them you are stepping back and they will have to either put carers in or assess her for residential care. I appreciate you might feel you have to do this as there is none else but your own health really must come first otherwise there will be two of you to look after.
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Hello and welcome first of all.
Put yourself first for a change, don't stop being the Saint you are but you matter too and if it's all become too much then say so, long and loud to social services, make them do their job.
It might sound a little harsh and not be in your nature to be that way but as I say you matter too. That and thank you for all you've done for her from us all. K
Put yourself first for a change, don't stop being the Saint you are but you matter too and if it's all become too much then say so, long and loud to social services, make them do their job.
It might sound a little harsh and not be in your nature to be that way but as I say you matter too. That and thank you for all you've done for her from us all. K
Hello @aiva09 and welcome to this friendly and supportive forum.
You have certainly done over and above for a person that is not a relative, and I agree that, in your own best interests for your own health, you would be wise to step back from what you have been doing. Do tell SS that you have to step back, and they will need to assess her for appropriate care for her needs. You may need to be very direct and firm with SS, as they will let you carry on if they can. It is their responsibility, not yours.
Do please come back to us and let us know how you get on, or if you need any more suggestions or advice.
But the important thing here too, is that you take care of yourself too. Please!
You have certainly done over and above for a person that is not a relative, and I agree that, in your own best interests for your own health, you would be wise to step back from what you have been doing. Do tell SS that you have to step back, and they will need to assess her for appropriate care for her needs. You may need to be very direct and firm with SS, as they will let you carry on if they can. It is their responsibility, not yours.
Do please come back to us and let us know how you get on, or if you need any more suggestions or advice.
But the important thing here too, is that you take care of yourself too. Please!
If you shift your perspective, you may feel a bit better about stepping back.
Your kind attention has helped your friend remain in her home for as long as was feasible. However both of you are reaching the point where she needs to be in residential care, regardless of what she actually wants. The perspective shift is that the longer you maintain responsibility for her care, the longer you’re keeping her from the residential care where she can have 24x7 attention.
So yes, agree with other posters. Tell SS point blank that you are withdrawing all of your help and support, and that they must now assume this responsibility. Don’t enter into any discussion and don’t allow them to drag you into things like deciding which home should be used. You need to be mentally prepared to not answer phone calls, not respond to messages and not reply to letters.
Your kind attention has helped your friend remain in her home for as long as was feasible. However both of you are reaching the point where she needs to be in residential care, regardless of what she actually wants. The perspective shift is that the longer you maintain responsibility for her care, the longer you’re keeping her from the residential care where she can have 24x7 attention.
So yes, agree with other posters. Tell SS point blank that you are withdrawing all of your help and support, and that they must now assume this responsibility. Don’t enter into any discussion and don’t allow them to drag you into things like deciding which home should be used. You need to be mentally prepared to not answer phone calls, not respond to messages and not reply to letters.
