A sad Life For Me

[Willowwind]

I woke up this morning not very interested in even getting out of bed and just like most mornings since 2014 when my husband's mental impairments started to drive away friends and family. We live in an isolating way that reduces instances of destructive outbursts. This doesn't eliminate them. I'm mentally recovering from my bedroom door being kicked in three days ago. DH's behavior filter is gone and when he becomes angry, he can be destructive. I live keeping a calm home. I realize today that I need to find a better way forward. I've let my interests and hobbies slide and am watching too much TV and snacking. It is a lonely and stressful existence where DH is not functioning at a mental level to understand my needs and or be any help. I am good at managing all the responsibilities to finances, home, and DH health, but in there, I lost myself. I am still young and this is a hard, thankless life that has been endless.

 

[karaokePete]

Hello and welcome @Willowwind

I recognise so much in what you have written as I have been caring for my wife since around the same time.

You are in the right place for support so chat away and ask any questions as there is great collective experience and knowledge here.

 

[Willowwind]

Hello and welcome @Willowwind

I recognise so much in what you have written as I have been caring for my wife since around the same time.

You are in the right place for support so chat away and ask any questions as there is great collective experience and knowledge here.

 

[Willowwind]

I'm in tears after a one hour workout--that, I manage Mon. - Fri. Ten years is a long time to be so lonely. I'll have a better day, but not today. Your reply was so kind.

 

[Gandalf's Helper]

I know how you are feeling, my wife has suffered from dementia for 2 years now, she has lost all feelings of empathy, has no social awareness or compassion. She was a teacher of english as a foreign language, an accomplished painter, saxaphone player and was involved with the church. Now, nothing, she can barely write her name and nothing really interests her. For me it is sad too because I wanted to retire and do things, but it seems it is all lost now, and I like yourself and others have been dealt a bad hand of cards.

 

[maisiecat]

I'm in tears after a one hour workout--that, I manage Mon. - Fri. Ten years is a long time to be so lonely. I'll have a better day, but not today. Your reply was so kind.

I think you have absolutely nailed it about the loneliness. When my husband first went into his Nursing Home my daughter asked me if I was lonely. Without really thinking I answered I've been lonely for years and I think that is the case for all of us. We are tied by their needs and lack of capacity but the days and nights are so long.

 

[Kevinl]

I lost my wife of 40 last 10 with AZ, it will be lonely this Christmas as the song goes.
K

 

[SeaSwallow]

Hello @Willowwind and welcome from me also. I am so sorry that you are going through this, it must be so hard for you. Please make sure that you always have a charged mobile phone with you and if you ever feel in danger from your husband contact the police or family members to help keep you safe.
You do not say if you have any help with looking after your husband, and I think that it might be useful for you to investigate if that would be possible. In your 'about' area you say that you are a caregiver which makes me think that you live in the USA, you might find the attached link useful to find out what help might be available.

Home | Alzheimer's Association

Alzheimer's Association national site – information on Alzheimer's disease and dementia symptoms, diagnosis, stages, treatment, care and support resources.

www.alz.org