A hello and perhaps a request for some ideas please

[Shep1957]

Hi my first post here, so hello!

I care for my father who has been diagnosed with mixed dementia, i moved back in with him three years ago after it became very clear he couldn't cope anymore, for us it was either move in with him or put him into professional care there was no option of him living with us (we lived on a pair of narrow boats on the canal system).

Up until now its been OK lots of ups and downs, some easily coped with, some downs were more of a problem but with a keen interest to see the best for him and plenty of time most/all have been solved until now.

The most recent problem has tested my mettle to the limit. He's suddenly become very very fussy with food, to the extent that he just can't eat the evening meal (no matter what) He is getting so stressed that just calling him to the meal makes him wretch and generally depresses him so much you can see the life spirit drain from him (no, i'm not that bad a cook! ;-) ) he's able to select his evening meal, which he does in good spirit but then he refuses or is unable to eat, he is so stressed that I just put him to bed and he sleeps from early evening to morning.

He eats breakfast (cereal) and most lunches (sandwich or bowl of soup) it the evenings he struggles with.

Recently (last few days) i've richened up his lunch a little and as he is not very active I feel at the moment he is not in any immediate danger of malnourishment or dehydration but should this recent trend extend to the lunch period as well i may well need to get my thinking cap on!!!

Any ideas on how to settle him down for an evening snack?

 

[WORRIER123]

My dad has unspecified dementia
He's happy to eat porridge for breakfast, soup for lunch but has started leaving his lunch sandwich
He takes his evening meal but mashes it all together and does choke a bit ( I put it down to the hospital losing his dentures) but the food is soft mashed potato and parsley sauce
He then is happy to eat rice pudding and biscuits
I don't know if it's a fear of choking but it's really limiting what he can eat
At 87 to try and get new dentures now as its 5 appointments I couldn't face it
Hopefully someone on here will have advice

 

[Beate]

Please ask his doctor to refer him to the SALT (speech and language therapy) team. They can observe his eating, drinking and swallowing and offer solutions to maybe thicken his food or devise a diet of foods he might eat at all times. He might have a problem with his teeth, it might be sundowning or it might be that his tastebuds have changed. Have you tried softer food or cakes and puddings? Most people with dementia just love sweet things. If nothing else helps, just try to get most of his nutrition into him before the evening with a bigger lunch and plenty of snacks throughout the day.

 

[jknight]

Welcome to TP, Shep!

Can't help with your issue but just wanted to extend a warm welcome to this wonderful place!

 

[Tin]

My mum used to get anxious, probably sundowning, around supper time. She would get up from the table a few times claiming to feel sick or just not interested. Eating times have changed in our household at the moment there is a breakfast, then elevenses which is usually a kind of brunch with a warm soft pudding. around 3.30 -4pm she has tea/supper which is usually something substantial and again ending with a warm pudding. Not long ago I was giving mum a bowl of rice pudding or porridge before bedtime but this started to create lots of toilet visits through the night, so was replaced with a toasted teacake or hot cross bun. Throughout the day there are sweet goodies on offer and sometimes in afternoon if she is very anxious, I make a bowl of warm milky porridge for her.

 

[canary]

In mums CH they have the main meal at lunch time. I asked about this when mum first went in there as she used to have her main meal in the evening. I was told that most people with dementia are at their best in the mornings and mid-day and often have problems in the evenings.
Would it work better if he had his main meal lunch time and then something small - sandwich, yoghurt, porridge etc tea time?

 

[Shep1957]

Thanks for all the kind replies for far, it is nice to know that others struggle along with similar issues, i don't feel quite so bad about it now!

Basic feeding program has been restructured already to suit his requirements, it will be interesting to see how he gets on today, he attends the local Memory Clinic Day care on a wednesday, he's at his happiest there nowadays so I hope that relaxes him a little.

Evening meals have been ignored now for a few days and he certainly has a sweet tooth which helps pack the calories in when he misses a meal.

GP's tomorrow and after a chat with the memory clinic consultant yesterday we decided to reduce his Rivistigmine patch back to the half strength he was on, most of dads recent deterioration appears to have started in the last couple of months since he patch strength was increased.

Thanks again for the ideas, keep em coming!!!

 

[Witzend]

If he's happy to eat a sandwich and a bowl of soup in the evening, too, I'd just give him that. Sometimes when it comes to dementia we have to forget about 'proper' meals and just give them what we know they like/will eat.
Soup can be very nourishing if it's homemade, and lots of ingredients can be puréed if he doesn't like lumps. You can add milk and grated cheese. Red lentils cook quickly and purée well with other veggies. (we eat a lot of home made soup in this house, often as a main meal with bread and cheese)
Apologies if you've tried this anyway and it doesn't work - all too often there are no easy answers.
And welcome to TP btw!

 

[AngeMorange]

Meal ideas

Hi Shep, My mother has similar difficulties but has gone off most meals in the day!

Get the GP to give your dad prescription for Ensure or something similar - a food supplement with high calories. There are different flavours and it is easy to drink.

My mum also seems to prefer eating at lunch rather than later so as long as she has something at breakfast and lunch I'm happy giving her some fruit/Ensure or snacks for tea.

Good luck and welcome!

 

[jorgieporgie]

Hi Shep.
My Mum is the same eats breakfast ok and I cook a dinner at lunch time as I know she will eat then too. Tea time she might have a slice of cake or something sweet. I always give her a drink of Hot chocolate for bed.
Have you tried giving your Dad a buikd up drink or complan he might drink instead of eating.
Anything is worth trying you never know. Good Luck x