Thank you for your response, certainly some days I think, Oh no I cant carry on, then I think but mum had years of looking after me and the whole family, so there is a sense of feeling responsible. I do know my mum would never ever want to be a burden, however as we all know it has its challenges. I think for me, I made the decision to have mum move in with us out of family kindness and it just seemed the natural thing to do. I didnt think it through or research that It might mean I had to give up my career. Stupid I know. Mum has a large family and we are fortunate that we have her sister who gives me and my husband restbite the big decisions come down to me and its a bit overwhelming sometimes. I stress we are fortunate that we haven't had any aggression, or outburst other than sadness. I think I would like to understand how long mums money will last her in a care home, as I have found somewhere that I know will be suitable in the future (hopefully it stays suitable), but I have read so many threads of when the money runs out PWD being moved somewhere cheaper and less suitable. ALso i would like to plan for my future life, even if its 3 years down the line that we make the decision that we want mum to have 24/7 full time care? Hope that dosent sound selfish?
6 years post diagnosis
- Thread starter KarenLester
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- mixed dementia
Unfortunately, it can be difficult to work out how long the money will last as the care home fees will, inevitably, increase each year - and often more than inflation as her needs will increase. Do you know whether the care home will accept the LA rate?
Id like to point out, though, that cheaper does not necessarily mean less suitable.
The care home mum was in was at the cheaper end of the market and if her money had run out then the care home would have accepted the LA rate. The home looked a bit shabby and old fashioned, but the care was wonderful and mum was happy there.
Quite often, it can be the homes at the higher end of the market that are unsuitable as they can skimp on staffing levels and training and spend the money on decor and facilities that the person with dementia is unlikely to use.
Always check to find out what behaviour the home will not tolerate - quite often, even homes that say they specialise in dementia care will not accept common dementia behaviour like going into other peoples rooms, being up at night and resistance to personal care.
I/we have children because we loved them, not to be our carers. OK I had the privilege of being a carer for both mum and wife, but it's not something everyone is comfortable doing, as a former NHS nurse, wife and mum were too maybe it came easier for me.
Compassion fatigue is more common than you might think, caring for someone with dementia can be both physically and emotionally draining, no shame in admitting that, so a pat on the back and a well done to you for all you've done and are doing from me. K
Compassion fatigue is more common than you might think, caring for someone with dementia can be both physically and emotionally draining, no shame in admitting that, so a pat on the back and a well done to you for all you've done and are doing from me. K
It’s so hard to lose them this way Karen. People have said to me what about respite but I think the same would happen as with your mum so I want to leave that until I feels it’s essential. My OH goes to a day centre Monday and Friday and I’ve just been advised to up it at least one day and try to get them together so it’s more structured, GP said the same to me do I’m going to give that a go. We’ve had to move from a general day centre with some Alz there to a full dementia centre but he seems to enjoy it. Could you try the same.
Thank you and I know your advice is true, as mums day care is a charity and its not upmarket but the kindness is there. They are not a specialist Dementia daycare, but mum is very well looked after there, and its not expensive at all. Theyare really flexible aswell so if mum is a little tired or away at her sisters they areunderstanding, which is so helpful. We are lucky I knowthat mum accepts going to day care regularly, which is good for her.Yesterday she washere all day and I know that she was more bored, so anyone reading, dont feel guilty about day care as mum finds it much more stimulating
I said to the day care manager last week, do you remember me visiting here 2 years ago , thinking I was the worst daughter in the world, arranging a couple of days a week day care, mum now happily goes 4 out of 5 days some weeks? so please do up the day care. We wouldn't have been able to cope this long without it. 2 years ago I was completley reluctant to even do one day but as mum's needs have increased it has become essential for us and more importantly for mum. I think that you have to remember that you are providing 24/7 care and you need to have time to recharge?
I have upped to 3 days but been advised that I should pre-prepare myself for 5 and then when we are doing 5, prepare myself for residential ie get ready for every next step which I thought was good advice to get my head in the right place.
