Why do I feel like this?

[1954]

I am very fortunate to get 3 days day centre for MIL and respite every 8 weeks for 2 weeks, I am on antidepressants but feel so so low and today can not stop crying. My own mother is dying of Chronic Kidney Disease-I have been told she has at the most got 1 year to live. She is all skeleton and bones with not an ounce of fat on her-all symptoms of her disease

It all started today with me getting up at 5am and putting the HUGE amount of washing on the line! And promptly started crying. How stupid is that!

I will not put MIL into a care home permanently but have got respite coming up next Tuesday

 

[Ann Mac]

I am very fortunate to get 3 days day centre for MIL and respite every 8 weeks for 2 weeks, I am on antidepressants but feel so so low and today can not stop crying. My own mother is dying of Chronic Kidney Disease-I have been told she has at the most got 1 year to live. She is all skeleton and bones with not an ounce of fat on her-all symptoms of her disease

It all started today with me getting up at 5am and putting the HUGE amount of washing on the line! And promptly started crying. How stupid is that!

I will not put MIL into a care home permanently but have got respite coming up next Tuesday

Just sending {{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}} - I'm doing OK today (just), but there are plenty of days when I feel like you do, hun - and I don't have the added heartbreak of dealing with my mother suffering with such an awful illness. The sheer 'groundhog day' feeling coupled with the fear/certainty that its going to get harder before there is any sort of a hope of a 'normal' life just completely wears you down at times, and there are days when I seem to spend all my time wanting to either cry or scream - I so know how you feel xxxxxx

 

[malomm]

I am very fortunate to get 3 days day centre for MIL and respite every 8 weeks for 2 weeks, I am on antidepressants but feel so so low and today can not stop crying. My own mother is dying of Chronic Kidney Disease-I have been told she has at the most got 1 year to live. She is all skeleton and bones with not an ounce of fat on her-all symptoms of her disease

It all started today with me getting up at 5am and putting the HUGE amount of washing on the line! And promptly started crying. How stupid is that!

I will not put MIL into a care home permanently but have got respite coming up next Tuesday

Because sometimes it all gets just too much for us to carry. And 05:00 is a very lonely time of day. Hugs to you, and keep smiling.
malomm

 

[1954]

Thank you Ann Mac. Ground hog day sums it up completely

 

[SoyHJ]

How long have you been on the antidepressants, 1954? So sorry you feel so low. All I can do is send you big hugs. xxx

 

[Ann Mac]

Thank you Ann Mac. Ground hog day sums it up completely

I honestly don't know why some days are somehow harder than others Today, I've had to get Mil up a bit earlier than usual, for day care, as we also have to work round me having a physio appointment. Had the usual 'I'm NOT going' in response to me saying that today is day care day, had the usual having to ask her to wash properly before dressing, had the usual scenario of Mil slumping into a chair at the table announcing she is 'hungry' without even a 'Good Morning', had the usual slurp and chomp eating because she is insisting she has no denture fixative, and had the usual quota of sniff, sighs and comments about how tired she is, how she wonders how I would feel in her 'situation', and how 'unfair' life is, and the usual questions - "How long have I been here? Why am I here? Do you know my son? Where's my husband?". I've clean the bathroom after her, sorted breakfast for her without a thank you, given her meds, done her hair . . . and today, I've more or less breezed through it with no more than an eye roll and the odd silent swear word. A couple of days ago, for no good reason I could fathom, I only just stopped myself from screaming at the chomp and slurp stage and by the time we got to the multiple applications of lipstick, I had to lock myself in the bathroom for five minutes to pull myself together!

All we can do is go with the flow, and try and be a little kinder to ourselves on the bad days xxxxx

 

[1954]

How long have you been on the antidepressants, 1954? So sorry you feel so low. All I can do is send you big hugs. xxx

About 4 years now. I had them changed to Citalopram when I was working due to the horrendous anxiety of the job but am back on Fluoxetine when I took early retirement

 

[lizzybean]

Hi 1954, I have no words of wisdom to help. When you get your respite next week please promise yourself that you will get some proper rest & do EXACTLY what you want to do exactly when you want to do it.

 

[flowerpot]

Hi 1954, We looked after my MiL for three and a half years and I always said that we wouldn't put her full time into a home. That's what we did at the end of last year and you know what it's the best thing we could have done for her and for us too!

I was at the end of my tether and just couldn't go on any more. We had respite but the day care fell apart as we couldn't get any taxi company to take my MiL so I was having to push her there and back in the wheelchair which in itself was too much!

Take the time with respite to think about what you want! Sometimes you have to put yourself first! We didn't and ended up not being able to cope very well!

The guilt monster is the worst problem but nine months on it's getting easier and MiL is well settled and looked after really well too! The way I deal with it is to think that when we visit it's 'our special time' with her without the mess and ordeal which others are now able to take care of.

These are just my thoughts and I'm not saying that you should do this! Just think about it. Take care and enjoy the respite xx

 

[Witzend]

I am very fortunate to get 3 days day centre for MIL and respite every 8 weeks for 2 weeks, I am on antidepressants but feel so so low and today can not stop crying. My own mother is dying of Chronic Kidney Disease-I have been told she has at the most got 1 year to live. She is all skeleton and bones with not an ounce of fat on her-all symptoms of her disease

It all started today with me getting up at 5am and putting the HUGE amount of washing on the line! And promptly started crying. How stupid is that!

I will not put MIL into a care home permanently but have got respite coming up next Tuesday

It's not stupid at all to cry. You are so tired and stressed with looking after MIL, and on top of that you are worried sick about your own mother, and probably wishing you had more time to spend with her. My heart goes out to you. x

 

[SueShell]

I am very fortunate to get 3 days day centre for MIL and respite every 8 weeks for 2 weeks, I am on antidepressants but feel so so low and today can not stop crying. My own mother is dying of Chronic Kidney Disease-I have been told she has at the most got 1 year to live. She is all skeleton and bones with not an ounce of fat on her-all symptoms of her disease

It all started today with me getting up at 5am and putting the HUGE amount of washing on the line! And promptly started crying. How stupid is that!

I will not put MIL into a care home permanently but have got respite coming up next Tuesday

What a coincidence as I too was up at 5am today after getting a call from Mum who said can you come in (I'm full of dread already). Went in and she'd messed everywhere and I mean everywhere. After a grand clear up went in and had a really good cry.

I note which LA you are under and I'm under the largest LA next door to yours. Unfortunately my LA are totally useless whereas I've heard brilliant things about your LA. I get 4 weeks a year respite which only started this year. I've been on anti-depressants for about a year and am Mum's sole carer. The way I feel at the moment I wished Mum was on permanent loan to a CH because she's housebound and every time she has a hospital visit I have to arrange transport to get her there because she cannot get down the 26 stairs from her flat. I'm fed up having to care for her 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days of the year. I just get so excited getting a whole week off, but even then I'm missing out because she has to go on a weekday and come home on a weekday because the transport doesn't work weekends so basically my first and last day of my break is taken up with going to the CH to either put her there or bring her home! Sue

 

[1954]

What a coincidence as I too was up at 5am today after getting a call from Mum who said can you come in (I'm full of dread already). Went in and she'd messed everywhere and I mean everywhere. After a grand clear up went in and had a really good cry.

I note which LA you are under and I'm under the largest LA next door to yours. Unfortunately my LA are totally useless whereas I've heard brilliant things about your LA. I get 4 weeks a year respite which only started this year. I've been on anti-depressants for about a year and am Mum's sole carer. The way I feel at the moment I wished Mum was on permanent loan to a CH because she's housebound and every time she has a hospital visit I have to arrange transport to get her there because she cannot get down the 26 stairs from her flat. I'm fed up having to care for her 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days of the year. I just get so excited getting a whole week off, but even then I'm missing out because she has to go on a weekday and come home on a weekday because the transport doesn't work weekends so basically my first and last day of my break is taken up with going to the CH to either put her there or bring her home! Sue

I am so sorry, I know I am very fortunate with what I get! I am not sure I would have lasted this long with out the help I get. Do you get a sitter from carer's support?

 

[60's child]

Hi 1954
I totally understand about the crying thing. I too am often in tears or on the verge of them. Often with no actually reason other than they just appear.....Yesterday someone ran over my foot with a shopping trolley, glared at me as if it were my fault and walked off. I felt myself well up and nearly made a complete fool of myself in a well known supermarket. I think I just sometimes feel overwhelmed by it all and so terribly sad that my Mum is suffering this awful disease. I also realise that there are many in a worse situation than me but knowing that does not always help at the time.
Enjoy your respite and I do hope you really spoil yourself.
x

 

[1954]

I honestly don't know why some days are somehow harder than others Today, I've had to get Mil up a bit earlier than usual, for day care, as we also have to work round me having a physio appointment. Had the usual 'I'm NOT going' in response to me saying that today is day care day, had the usual having to ask her to wash properly before dressing, had the usual scenario of Mil slumping into a chair at the table announcing she is 'hungry' without even a 'Good Morning', had the usual slurp and chomp eating because she is insisting she has no denture fixative, and had the usual quota of sniff, sighs and comments about how tired she is, how she wonders how I would feel in her 'situation', and how 'unfair' life is, and the usual questions - "How long have I been here? Why am I here? Do you know my son? Where's my husband?". I've clean the bathroom after her, sorted breakfast for her without a thank you, given her meds, done her hair . . . and today, I've more or less breezed through it with no more than an eye roll and the odd silent swear word. A couple of days ago, for no good reason I could fathom, I only just stopped myself from screaming at the chomp and slurp stage and by the time we got to the multiple applications of lipstick, I had to lock myself in the bathroom for five minutes to pull myself together!

All we can do is go with the flow, and try and be a little kinder to ourselves on the bad days xxxxx

Chump and slurp drives me CRAZY!

 

[Miss Merlot]

Oh 1954, why wouldn't you be feeling like this...?? You have so much on your plate right now, it's perfectly understandable!

Am very sorry to hear about your mum - it is all so horribly unfair, isn't it?

Add me to the list of people sending virtual hugs! xx

 

[dottyd]

I am very fortunate to get 3 days day centre for MIL and respite every 8 weeks for 2 weeks, I am on antidepressants but feel so so low and today can not stop crying. My own mother is dying of Chronic Kidney Disease-I have been told she has at the most got 1 year to live. She is all skeleton and bones with not an ounce of fat on her-all symptoms of her disease

It all started today with me getting up at 5am and putting the HUGE amount of washing on the line! And promptly started crying. How stupid is that!

I will not put MIL into a care home permanently but have got respite coming up next Tuesday

It's Grief.

There's a little homeopathic tablet called Ignatia. You can get it in a 30 potency from holland and Barrett or boots.

When you feel like that try one to 3 throughout the day.

They just help you to get back into balance

Also there are the Bach flower remedies. Dr Bach devised this system because he wanted people to take charge of their own mental health. There's only 38 of them and they are a complete system.

The one that sprang to mind for you straightaway was oak. Someone who is normally strong but now feels unable to cope.

Just two drops from your stock bottle into a bottle of spring water that has a dropper in it and take 4 drops 4 times a day on the tongue.

Course we should all keep a bottle of rescue remedy at hand for life's little emergencies ...but Ainsworths not nelsons.

 

[Louby65]

Hi 1994. Oh how I have felt just like you on many occasions . I have been on holiday this past 10days and I can honestly say I have cried everyday , at least 3 times a day . As people have said it's the monotony of it all that makes me feel so low . I look after my mum and although I work full time I spend all my free time with her and get up during night to toilet and change her pad and often bed sheets . sometimes I just sit doing very little and then realise that there are tears streaming down my face. I'm a bit luckier than some in that my mum goes to day care 4 days a week and she has a carer who comes when I go out to work at 7 and comes back at 4 till I come in at 6. She is wonderful , so caring . But I find my mum and I are mostly on our own and because she can't speak ( has had a stroke ) and with her dementia , I get very lonely . We just go for drives and go round the shops . I listen to the staff at my work about what they are doing and their holidays and that makes me even worse. I often travel home crying cause I know I'm going home to go through the same routine . Then I look at my wee mum , with her trusting eyes and look at her poor wee hands that have worked so hard and remember how she was always there for me growing up . She's a good mum and although I might get fed up with the same boring routine I will still love and look after her , to the best of my ability . So please know that you are not alone in how you are feeling and that when you want to ' chat' , there is always someone willing to listen on TP. Sending you my best wishes. X


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[Louby65]

I meant to ask . My mum has never had respite . Is this something that social services offer and do I have to pay .


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[Ann Mac]

My turn to have a weepy day today, 1954 - struggling to hold onto myself this morning. Found myself counting how many times Mil asked how long she has been in this house, is her son married to my daughter, what does she do with her life, has she met all my children . . . after the second or third time, I asked her to 'think about it' - and every time she knew the answers herself, yet 5 minutes later she asked again. And all this interspersed with sniffs and sobs and comments about how she doesn't know what to do with her life. Its no different really, from any other day - but today, just not hacking it at all, and I know my smile is 'false' and my replies are polite but forced.

Thank Goodness its day care day

 

[1954]

I meant to ask . My mum has never had respite . Is this something that social services offer and do I have to pay .


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You need to get Social services involved and be appointed a Social Worker. But you have to be desperate on the phone other wise you are just put on a waiting list which could be months