I'm new to this - Mum's memory or lack of it really

[Blueberries01]

Hi everyone out thereI thought I would be proactive and start reading up about dementia. Mum's memory is so bad has been for 2 years now and rapidly getting worse. She knows and is very frightened. I've been putting off doing this but finally contacted GP - nothing that can be done unless she goes in to the surgery. She absolutely point blankly refuses to.
I live a long way from Mum but trying to visit her often.
Pension stopped because multiple wrong PIN entries. Shopping for the same things twice a day - still drives - oh dear! can anyone help with starting the process for that problem?
I love Mum dearly but she now so angry with me as I told her I would be phoning GP - maybe she won't even remember
so sad and so new to all of this - reading your threads I know I have a long way to go.

 

[Lindy50]

Hi Blueberries and welcome to TP

I am so sorry to hear about your mum but it does sound as though she should be seen by her doctor. Would the GP come to her, I wonder ( long shot, that), or otherwise perhaps they would call her into the surgery for some sort of check-up? And then do whatever assessment they can then?

I'm sorry, I know this is really hard. It took me quite a while to get the GP involved with my mum, too. And then she refused her first appointment at the Memory Clinic too.....though once I got her there they were really helpful

Perhaps your mum might agree to things "just to pacify you" ? That's how I got round it in the end.

Speaking of which, don't forget yourself. A Carers assessment may help you, or ask your mum's local council what services there are in her area for family Carers.

Good luck

Lindy xx

 

[alison1981]

Hi I understand your concerns and frustration when they just won't go to the doctors!

My mum went to the GP and started being very confused and luckily my GP rang me with his concerns and that is how she got referred to the memory clinic.

Before this my dad rang the GP too and was told there is nothing they can do until she comes to them and it is very frustrating but he put the record of the phone call on the system so could that be something you could do with her GP? The GP will then take note and hopefully do something.

 

[witsend~1]

Oh, I know how you feel. It has taken me over 2 years to get my husband to finally admit to our GP that he has a memory problem and that was only when prompted about a fall he had taken and had no memory of it.
Is there any other medical condition that needs a regular check up? Perhaps that could become the leader for the GP. If you were to go with her and prompt her to remember things! Are you able to keep a diary.
I do hope you manage to get her the help that she needs soon. Best Wishes

 

[loveahug]

I called the GP out to mum asking for a memory and health MOT when she hit 80. I said I was concerned she might have a UTI and was a bit wobbly on her legs. The doc was amazing with her, said they did this every 5 years once someone hits 80. Mum didn't remember so took the doc at her word! That's what started us on the path to a diagnosis, medication and help. Even now mum fights against seeing the doctor or going to the hospital, a mixture of anxiety about being a uisance and the stress on her coping mechanism.

Good luck with all you try and do, remember to take care of you too.

Hugs

 

[worn out]

we got the doctor to do a home visit. he told her it was a standard check up for all people of a certain age. could you ask her g.p for something like this

 

[Pringle]

Does your mum take any prescribed tablets? If so then I would contact her doctor to explain your concerns and suggest they contact her for a 'tablet review'. My mum never wanted to see the doctor but I instigated it in this way (I wrote a letter explaining all my concerns so that they had it on record and had a heads up) and also made sure I went along to the appointment with her. Sadly my mum never spoke the truth to the doctor but in hindsight I really think what she was telling the doctor she thought was true

 

[Concerned J]

Hi,
I could have written exactly the same about my Mum.
I took her to the doctors in the end for a hearing test and whilst there asked about memory tests etc and got the ball rolling. I'm now being accused of causing all this chaos by involving doctor. We have decided as a family to let Mum be - she turning into an obstinate cantankerous agitated person (I already have one of those - my nearly 3 yr old daughter - they are so comparable it's frightening. At least I know K will grow out of it. Sadly Mum won't)

 

[Mrs Rapha]

Worrying for nothing?

Any ideas when a suitable time to start worrying about your Mum is? Mine is 81 and her memory has deteriorated significantly over the last year. She still lives on her own, and only sees the loss of memory as just something a 'little annoying', so wouldn't be able to convince her it is anything she would see the doctor about - or should I push her more? Out for lunch yesterday, every question or story repeated at least 3 times an hour, and what she can't remember she creates the answer she wants and becomes very defensive if you question her. Wondering whether anything can be done by GP at an early stage or whether to leave in ignorance if nothing to be achieved.

 

[cathsheff]

I could have written exactly this myself, having just got home after seeing Mum, and taking her out to lunch! We did manage to persuade her to see the GP before CHristmas and have a follow up visit later this month, and I hope he will be able to see the deterioration that seems obvious to us over the last 7-8 months. Even if he does, I'm not sure what they can do - she refuses to contemplate moving to live in sheltered accommodation near us, and doesn't see the need for any regular help (we live about an hour's drive away). So far what we've done to help - get her a clock with the day in big letters on it, and the date, and a diary that she can write down everything that is supposed to happen or has happened. We've got the GP surgery to contact us when there are any appointments/changes to medication etc rather than telling her. And we're in the process of applying for lasting power of attorney for finance etc and for health and welfare. In the meantime we phone every day to check she's taken her tablets and go round the usual loop of questions about when we see her next etc etc. It is a constant source of worry and it almost feels like we are waiting for something bad to happen to force something to be done...

Any ideas when a suitable time to start worrying about your Mum is? Mine is 81 and her memory has deteriorated significantly over the last year. She still lives on her own, and only sees the loss of memory as just something a 'little annoying', so wouldn't be able to convince her it is anything she would see the doctor about - or should I push her more? Out for lunch yesterday, every question or story repeated at least 3 times an hour, and what she can't remember she creates the answer she wants and becomes very defensive if you question her. Wondering whether anything can be done by GP at an early stage or whether to leave in ignorance if nothing to be achieved.

 

[Pickles53]

I could have written exactly this myself, having just got home after seeing Mum, and taking her out to lunch! We did manage to persuade her to see the GP before CHristmas and have a follow up visit later this month, and I hope he will be able to see the deterioration that seems obvious to us over the last 7-8 months. Even if he does, I'm not sure what they can do - she refuses to contemplate moving to live in sheltered accommodation near us, and doesn't see the need for any regular help (we live about an hour's drive away). So far what we've done to help - get her a clock with the day in big letters on it, and the date, and a diary that she can write down everything that is supposed to happen or has happened. We've got the GP surgery to contact us when there are any appointments/changes to medication etc rather than telling her. And we're in the process of applying for lasting power of attorney for finance etc and for health and welfare. In the meantime we phone every day to check she's taken her tablets and go round the usual loop of questions about when we see her next etc etc. It is a constant source of worry and it almost feels like we are waiting for something bad to happen to force something to be done...

I could have written a lot of your post, especially the last sentence!! I can't add much to the excellent advice already posted, except to say don't hang around if you are worried; get the ball rolling. It took more than six months from first GP appointment to get an actual diagnosis and we didn't have the problem of mum refusing to go to appointments etc. Over that six months everything got worse, we kept doing more and putting support in place, but the pace of mum's deterioration has run faster than our plans. Every time we fixed a problem a new one came along within a week or two.

I look back now to the reasons why I was worried back in January and can't believe the difference in mum today. We would be do much worse off if we had delayed even a few more weeks.

 

[Buci]

Hi everyone out thereI thought I would be proactive and start reading up about dementia. Mum's memory is so bad has been for 2 years now and rapidly getting worse. She knows and is very frightened. I've been putting off doing this but finally contacted GP - nothing that can be done unless she goes in to the surgery. She absolutely point blankly refuses to.
I live a long way from Mum but trying to visit her often.
Pension stopped because multiple wrong PIN entries. Shopping for the same things twice a day - still drives - oh dear! can anyone help with starting the process for that problem?
I love Mum dearly but she now so angry with me as I told her I would be phoning GP - maybe she won't even remember
so sad and so new to all of this - reading your threads I know I have a long way to go.

Hi
I'm new to the forum and your post is one of the first I've read. I'm in the same situation, my mum lives about 500 miles away with her second husband. Me and my siblings are worried and have been sharing concerns with her husband for about 2 years about her deteriorating memory. Things have got pretty bad now, mood swings and loss of interest in many things including family and grandkids etc, wearing the same clothes etc. My mum is very stubborn/proud/stiff upper lip and is not accepting there's a problem, blaming her husband instead for not telling her things that he has told her. He finally managed to get her to go the doctors, if he agreed to go for a check up as well. We also wrote a letter. The GP didn't need to read the letter to see that there is a problem. That ended in a row between her and husband (betrayal for making her go to the GP). She has now refused to go for tests (arranged today). When I mentioned something 18 months ago to her it didn't go down very well at all. We're all wondering how long it's going to be before there is some sort of other intervention!